AITA? Husband threw a BBQ party for his friends. I refused to help. Party was a disaster.

A Reddit user shared a tense moment in her marriage after refusing to help her husband host a BBQ party for his friends. Tired of doing all the prep and cleanup work while her husband soaked up the praise, she decided to sit this one out and let him handle everything. The result? Chaos, disappointment, and a messy patio. Was she justified in teaching him a lesson, or did she go too far? Read the full story below to find out.

‘ AITA? Husband threw a BBQ party for his friends. I refused to help. Party was a disaster.’

So, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: HIS friends. I am not close with them) for barbecue parties. He prides himself on his BBQ skills. The thing is… I always end up doing everything! He buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his BBQ skills).

I have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). I prepare the sides and veggies, I refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since I find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. It’s just nonstop work for me.

He just told me last week that he invited his friends for Saturday (so yesterday). Just announced it, didn’t ask me. I said well okay, do I know anyone? Nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. My husband called it a “guys’ night”. I said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, I will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. He said he will handle it.

Spoiler alert, he did not handle it. He got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and I was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never -asks- me for help, I just do stuff…) so I didn’t do anything.

The patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. His friends arrived, I welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. Cue the messages.

He started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non a**oholic beer – did I not buy it? Where are the sides? I just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. (EDIT: this is also where I fee I might have been the a**hole, it would have taken me just minutes to at least tell him where the stuff is)

I checked on the guys a few hours later and it was a disaster. Table all cluttered, they ordered some takeout as sides, there weren’t enough dishes and silverware, someone had to go drive for drinks.

On Sunday (today) he was all grumpy and actually told me that he is disappointed that I didn’t pull my weight and that I made our family look sloppy and bad. I told him that I am not his little housewife and that he is a big guy and if he embarrassed himself in front of his work mates, that’s all on him.

And that I’m glad that he can see at least a tiny bit of work that I do around the house. He got upset and went for a run to let off some steam. Oh and the patio is full of dishes, he didn’t even clean the grill. I’m not touching anything.

Edit/update: thank you for the comments, this made me realize I am at fault as well – for tolerating this for so long. I went out to clear my head (my husband came back from his run and is pointedly not speaking to me) and reconsider many things in our marriage.

Edit/update2: maybe a similar story was posted before, apparently more husbands are assholes. Feel free to post the link to the supposedly identical post I copied this from, go ahead. And please don’t give this awards, this is a throwaway account that I plan to abandon in a few days at most.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Lacroix24601 −  NTA. In fact, you’re so not the a**hole that you are my HERO. Your husband can kick rocks. If he wants to look at the person who failed, he just needs to look at himself in the mirror.

Specialist-Goose-533 −  NTA. Is he always this entitled? Rethink your entire relationship dynamic if he is and start demanding for the kind of treatment you deserve.

alarmclocktik −  NTA. I love this kind of take a stand thing. You are not a assistant/slave/maid/cleaner. Its gonna be while before your husband will do another BBQ. Not Until he learn how much job it take to organise a proper BBQ party.. You stand on your ground sister !

Doobots −  NTA. Why he’d think you’d want to waitress for free at his guys night is a mystery. Hopefully he’ll understand the invisible work you were doing all this time now and appreciate you for it. I’d also guess that while it was a disaster compared to usual that most of the guests probably had no idea.

[Reddit User] −  i think [this meme](https://www.poeticexpressions.co.uk/bbq-rules/) i saw recently is applicable to this situation. you’re not alone, OP – keep up your strike!. edit: wow, thank you for the gold!

TCGislife −  NTA! it’s his party, his friends, his responsibility. How does he live in the house and not know where cups and plates are? And he has some nerve to say he’s disappointed that you didn’t pull your weight.

FuckUGalen −  NTA – and this is a hill to die on. Mostly because my husband is not an a**hole and would not do this to me so it seems hilarious to me that yours thinks this type of behaviour (treating your spouse like a party planner without so much as a *by your leave*) is acceptable.

nobody_who_you_are −  INFO: Do you ever get to invite your friends over? Is your husband expected to “pull his weight” when your friends are over?

Beautiful-Concern144 −  NTA. Sounds like he’s been taking you for granted for a while. Once he’s cooled off I would personally have a calm sit down discussion about why this happened (he dropped this on you and expected you to do stuff without him asking, he doesnt notice or appreciate what you do, if he wants a bbq to be a team event he needs to ask not tell and pull his own weight on the supporting elements etc etc) and hopefully this will go some way towards changing things.

jdjcjcjncncjkckck −  I posted two updates to my main post. Thanks everyone for the comments. I might not reply any more – this is a throwaway account that has served it’s purpose (with gibberish for a password, so I won’t be able to come back once I log out). Please give awards to nice posts of actual active accounts, it will go to waste here!. Have a wonderful day, OP out.

Do you think the Redditor was right to let her husband experience the effort involved in hosting a party, or did she leave him hanging at the worst possible time? How would you handle household responsibilities to avoid similar situations? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments below!