AITA for kicking my boyfriend’s parents out of our apartment after his mom called me a b**ch?
A Redditor shares how their boyfriend’s parents invited themselves to stay during quarantine, creating chaos in their home. The parents, known for being critical and controlling, verbally abused the Redditor and disregarded boundaries—including turning the heat to an unbearable 98°F in summer.
After the boyfriend’s mother called the Redditor a “bitch” during an argument, they decided to kick the parents out. Now the boyfriend is upset, demanding an apology to his mom. Was the Redditor justified, or did they overreact? Read the full story below…
‘ AITA for kicking my boyfriend’s parents out of our apartment after his mom called me a b**ch?’
Back in March his parents decided they wanted to come “wait quarantine out” at our apartment. For starters they never asked. His mother called and TOLD me that they were on their way and to prepare our spare bedroom for them. I was already apprehensive about them staying with us because his parents have always been EXTREMELY rude to me.
They are overly critical of everything I say and do. They are massive control freaks who feel entitled to always be in charge. So right off the bat things are miserable. They verbally abuse me daily, tell me what I can and can’t do in my own apartment, and are overall just the WORST. Out of everything, the air conditioning caused the biggest debacle.
Where I live it has been 85-90 almost every day. I normally keep my air on 70, but when they started complaining, I turned the air up to 75. This is already a little toasty for me, but I was willing to be a little hot to try to keep the peace. This was not good enough for them. They don’t want the air on. Period. They want the HEAT on.
And they turn it on every single opportunity they get. I wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. I have told them to stop COUNTLESS times. Yesterday I finally cracked. I put about 10 pieces of duct tape over the thermostat with a note attached that said “Do NOT touch the thermostat while I am at work”.
6pm I walk into my apartment and am automatically HIT by a hotter and more humid heat than it is OUTSIDE. Duct tape and note have been torn off the thermostat and they have the heat on 98 f**king degrees. I go into the guest room and say “Why could you not follow the simple instruction of DO NOT TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT. This is my home.
I am tired of you saying rude things to me. I am tired of you treating me like a child and creating your own rules for MY apartment. You either need to be respectful towards me and learn to accept my boundaries or go back to your own house.” His mother said and I disdainfully quote, “You have no right to barge in here without knocking.
That was not only an i**asion of privacy but you need to take the attitude out of your tone. I’ve dealt with much bigger bitches than you before.” She went on for 30 minutes and I just tuned her out. When she was done talking I told her to get out. Now my boyfriend is angry with me because I couldn’t just let them have their way.
He wants me to call his mom and apologize but I don’t think I should have to. I may have been rude to her, but it was only because I have spent the past two months dealing with her abuse and trying to politely ask her to stop treating me that way. I got tired of politely asking someone to stop treating me like s**t in my own home in which I was letting them live in for free.
I also got tired of my boyfriend refusing to defend me and allowing her to say and do whatever she wanted. I am trying to understand their perspective although it just doesn’t seem reasonable to me. If Reddit determines I am the a**hole, I will call and apologize.
Check out how the community responded:
Ash1693 − NTA. And I would seriously consider a future with him if he’s not willing to support you now, it will only be worse in the future when it comes to his parents.
leahsimsxo − NTA. Why do you even stay with your boyfriend? He’s clearly choosing his mother over you every single time. You should be kicking all three out
[Reddit User] − NTA you should probably kick your boyfriend out too, he sucks
kgmullins − Alright guys so my boyfriend and I just had a very long conversation. I admitted to him that I vented on Reddit and I screen shotted a bunch of comments for him to read through. He was mostly silent for awhile and got a little emotional. Eventually he asked me if I showed him all these comments because I was planning on leaving him.
I told him no, I wasn’t going to just d**p him without giving him the chance to work through our issues if he was willing to. I explained to him that I understand his past trauma with his mother, but it doesn’t make it okay for him to enable her to be abusive towards me.
He agreed that he was in the wrong and he should have made a bigger effort to step in and defend me. He also apologized for asking me to call his mother and apologize. I told him that I wasn’t going to make him choose between me and his mother,
but if we were going to have a healthy relationship he would have to start going to therapy and he would have to confront his mother about her behavior. I told him I would stand by him and support him as he did it, but it was something he would have to do on his own.
I told him that we were setting some hard boundaries and one of those boundaries would be that his parents are no longer allowed to stay with us. Ever. He agreed that was for the best and admitted he’s been miserable these past two months too.
He mentioned that cutting off his family might be what is healthiest for his mental health and how that is something he would discuss with the psychiatrist when he goes. I told him that I was extremely hurt that not only was he willing to prioritize his mother over me, but he was willing to cause me pain to satiate her need for control.
It bothered me a lot that he made me really feel like I WAS THE A**HOLE to the point that I made this post to try to gain perspective. After that he told me he would call his mother and request she apologize for treating me so poorly the past two months. Honestly that is a REALLY big step for him and I am very proud of him for that.
It shows me that he is willing to work on his issues. I do think seeing a professional might help him process these emotions better and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Overall, right now it seems like we’re going to be okay relationship wise as long as he is committed to actually following through with his promises. Thank you to everyone who commented!! You have been extremely helpful. I will keep you guys updates on any new developments.
Yarragh − NTA they were under your roof. They came unannounced (but what I’ve seen from this story I would think that your bf knew before and he said okay before telling you anything). They overstayed their welcome and tried to change your life style in your house. Unacceptable.
I don’t know how bad the heated argument was at the very end but she shouldn’t have called you a b**ch no matter what. They are the ones that need to apologize. Your boyfriend sucks. How dependent is he to his parents that he bends over backwards to ignore all the s**t they do and ask you to apologize? Just kick him to the curb next to his beloved parents too.
RedditDK2 − NTA – I’m having trouble figuring out who are the biggest assholes : your bf’s parents for their obnoxious behavior or your bf for allowing it. I think I am going to go with the bf for demanding you be the one to apologize.
CreepyOrlando − NTA. And holy s**t, why are they even there in the first place if they have their own home? Do not try to understand their perspective, it is horrifically flawed. I’d be having a serious talk with BF as well, he is clearly putting them well before you.
justkillintime99 − NTA – send the boyfriend with them since he is siding with them. You deserve better. It sounds like they were being rude guests.
petestrawberrycat − Absolutely NTA. It is your house and they are guests – basic respect for your rules is not too much to ask. Honestly, I would be rethinking my relationship with the boyfriend, too.
He doesn’t defend you and wants you to be uncomfortable in your own home to keep his parents happy. Not to mention, do you really want to marry into a family that thinks it’s okay to keep the house and 98 flippin’ degrees?!
tnmcd006 − NTA. And I’d be breaking up.
Were the Redditor’s actions a necessary stand for respect in their home, or should they have handled the situation differently? Is the boyfriend’s demand for an apology reasonable, or is he failing to support his partner? Share your opinions below!