AITA for calling the Police on my fiancé?

A Redditor shares a tense conflict with their fiancé, who took their car without permission on New Year’s Eve to celebrate with friends. The fiancé ignored the Redditor’s refusal, knowing they needed the car for a night shift as a nurse.

Left with no other options, the Redditor called the police to retrieve their car, sparking a major fallout with their fiancé and his friends. Was the Redditor justified in their actions? Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for calling the Police on my fiancé?’

My fiance (28M) and I (30F) have been together for 3 years, I used to live close to work and used public transportation but after I moved in to his house which is hours away from work I bought myself a car since I’m a nurse and also since there isn’t any hospitals close to where we live that I could transfer to.

My fiance’s car hasn’t been working for close to 2 months now, It requires so much money to get it fixed and he refused my fiancial help when I offered it. Instead, he would ask to use my car every now and then and I agreed as long as it’s when I’m not working and also, since he only uses it for trips to the supermarket etc.

On new years eve, he told me he wanted to use my car to go hang out with his friends and celebrate but I declined because I had to cover a night shift and needed my car to travel to work. He insisted and even suggested I take the night off or swap shifts with another nurse but I couldn’t do that last minute.

I thought he dropped it then but when I went into the shower and got out I couldn’t find him nor my car, I freaked out and started calling for half an hour but he didn’t answer me, I tried again til one of his friends picked up,

I demanded he give the phone to my fiance but he said they were out and confirmed that he took my car and told me that my fiance said that it’s better that I skip my shift and he’ll be back with my car later.

I couldn’t take it I felt so enraged I had my fiance on the phone telling him I did not consent for him to take my car to go hang out with friends and said I’d call the police to get it back if he refused to come back with it, but he didn’t take me seriously so I ended up calling the police and he and his friends were picked up at the bar where they were hanging out, then were taken to the police department.

I got my car from there and still went to my shift, my fiance was let go hours after I left and he blew up my phone with missed calls and texts about how I was out of my mind to call the police on him and put him in this situation.

I did not respond but when I got off work the next day we got into an argument and he said he couldn’t believe I’d do this to him but I told him he made me do this to which he responded that I was petty and callous because not only did I ruin his new years celebration, but all his friends aren’t speaking to him after I put them in this situation as well and he then kept giving me silence about it.

I did consider this a form of theft especially since he went behind my back after getting a “NO” from me, but he was shocked that I’d even imply that he was a thief and said what’s yours is mine and vice versa so I shouldn’t be using the terms “theft and stealing”.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

emccm −  NTA. Girl why are you with a man who cannot take care of his own basic needs and insists that you call off work so he can go party? He is using you and you can do way better. Do not offer financial help to people like this either.

He has money to go out with his friends then he has money for a car. ETA his friends put themselves in to this situation by getting in to a stolen car. Do you really think they weren’t all sitting around laughing at you before this happened?

[Reddit User] −  Um. He got you to move far away from public transport and work opportunities into His House, refuses to fix his car so there is now only 1 between you,. Didn’t listen to your no,. Took your car without permission,

Endangered your job by forcing you to miss NYE shift when there is No Way you could get cover, Yelled at you when he was in the wrong,. Didn’t defend you to his friends, Is now giving you the silent treatment. No you are NTA, but your boyfriend is giving off some warning signs that you should look at very closely before marrying him.

yankgirl13 −  NTA – please leave him. He’s a thief that belittles your job if he thinks you can call out as a nurse just do he can go out with his friends. What about his friends? Don’t they have cars?. Ps – thank you for being a nurse!

Extension_Arugula661 −  This is actually wild. Good on you for calling the police. The utter disrespect that man has for you and your career is appalling.

tubelcek −  ‘Yours and mine’ my ass. That was your car and you needed it for work. He stole it and he knows it. F**k him. NTA.

homoscarfiens2 −  NTA!!! Not even a little bit. You moved to where he was even though it meant a massive commute for you, for what? His convenience? You let him use your car instead of getting his fixed because he couldn’t man up and accept help? How dare you.

Now this little s**t STEALS YOUR CAR like a teenager who doesn’t understand how BEING EMPLOYED WORKS to go out for a rip with his buds?? And tells you “Don’t worry man, just like, don’t go” ????????

Icy_Conversation_612 −  Nta he does know that hospital staff are front line workers and need to go when the hospitals demand them to. You need to d**p him as hes got no respect for you or your work

VladSuarezShark −  NTA and I can’t believe he did this to you. You clearly said no. He broke your boundaries. Why is he even driving on NYE anyway, he should be ubering or if he’s DD then he should be driving his friend’s car.

imsilverpoet −  NTA, he stole your car. He’s still your fiancé?

BaoBunny44 −  My husband and I are down to one car right now and it sucks. I had to drive him to work at 5am because I have a dentist appointment and then have to pick up him later lol. It sucks especially when he wants to go do something that isn’t work (Thursday night football or whatever) and I have plans or work.

But you know what he does when this happens? He asks me to drop him off and he’ll get a ride later, he asks a friend to get him, he ubers. There were so many options he could have gone with before just taking your car. That was a solid “f**k you” towards you. NTA. I’d reconsider this marriage.

ETA: thank you to the kind reddit stranger for giving me my first award! 😭 💕 ETA 2: another award?? You guys are the best. Now I don’t feel as bad about being dead on my feet from getting up at 4:30am lol

ETA 3: you guys are so nice! Just from all this positivity I’m going to pick up some Dunkin wake up wraps (his favorite lol) to bring him when I get him up later. I’m keeping these positive vibes going 🌟

Was calling the police an overreaction, or was it a reasonable response to someone disregarding boundaries and responsibilities? Should shared property in relationships come with clear rules? Share your thoughts in the comments below!