AITAH for lying to my wife that I’d forgive her cheating?
A Redditor (30M) lied to his wife (30F) early in their relationship, claiming he would forgive her if she ever cheated. Years later, his wife confessed to cheating with a coworker, reminding him of their conversation.
The Redditor, feeling mortified, packed his bags and left. He later revealed he never intended to forgive her, using the statement as a way to get her to confess. The wife accuses him of manipulation. Read the original story below…
‘ AITAH for lying to my wife that I’d forgive her cheating?’
When me and my wife first started dating, we had a talk about cheating.. I straight up lied, and said: “If this ever happens, I need to know straight away, if you tell me, and it only happens once, I think I could forgive you”. Fast forward 5 years later and we are married.
A couple nights ago, she came up to me and asked if I remember our talk, I said which one (we had a lot of talks like that). The then reminded me of the cheating talk, and confessed she slept with a co worker at a recent company party. I was mortified.
I packed my stuff and left, she begged me to stay. I couldn’t, I needed to cool down. We talked yesterday, and she again reminded of our talk early on, I laughed, and said that I never intended to forgive her, and I only said that at the time to make sure she confessed if it ever happened.
I’m still planning on divorcing her, nothing can change my mind about that, but my wife said what I did was manipulation. Was I the a**hole for lying about forgiving her?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
ProfessionalAngst11 − After 5 years and marriage, I don’t think some stupid conversation you had when you were first dating, still applies. She is just trying to get out of being the a**hole.
DevotedRed − NTA. Even if you weren’t lying at the time, a hypothetical situation with someone new is completely different than when faced with reality from your wife of 5 years. She’s delusional if she thought she could get away with it but well played on ensuring she was comfortable enough to confess.
Relevant_Demand7593 − NTA, she’s a cheater and she’s worried about a lie?. I’d leave too.
littlebrxwnmouse − NTA- sounds like she slept with the coworker just because you guys had that talk and she didn’t think you would actually leave.
Existing-Low-672 − She tried to use it as a hall pass.. NTA
Cybermagetx − Nta. So the cheater is upset you lied about forgiving her if she cheats? That’s rich. She can go be with the co worker now.
Sue128 − NTA imo. It’s not like you gave her an advanced permission “Hall Pass” and all she had to do was ask for forgiveness after she told you if it happened. Or maybe she did think that and that’s a whole other s**tty issue to contemplate. lol, your wife, saying you manipulated her. Into what? Being honest? Sorry about your situation. I know it sucks.
Leather_Lake_2999 − NTA. I’ve told a girl I forgive her for cheating on me before and I regretted it immediately after. Sure, you lied to her face but that was a one-time conversation five years prior to her cheating, it’s hardly like you said to her face that you’d be all cool with her cheating. Plus, when you said that you had only started dating.
By the time you got married, it should’ve been clear to her that you wanted a strictly monogamous relationship. If she really expected you to be on board with an open relationship she should’ve discussed it with you beforehand. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Getting cheated on really sucks and you are definitely NTA in this situation.
DangerDog619 − After reading this, I’m not convinced that you have a wife.. Cool story bro.
Low_Responsibility48 − NTA, she had been planning to used that talk as a get out of jail card. It was a hypothetical talk, no way it’s valid after 5 years of marriage. Tell her you can maybe forgive her but you’ll never forget.
Lying about forgiveness in this context clearly created an emotional fallout. Was the Redditor justified in his approach to the confession, or did his lie make things worse than they needed to be? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!