AITA for telling my sister her son is only special to her?

A Reddit user shares a tense family moment where she confronted her sister, Abby, about spoiling her son, a “miracle” baby after years of fertility struggles and multiple miscarriages. During her daughter’s first birthday party, Abby’s son acted out, and the user told Abby that her son is only special to her. Abby was upset and left, leading to mixed opinions from other family members.

‘ AITA for telling my sister her son is only special to her?’

I (f26) have 3 older siblings. This is about my oldest sister “Abby” (f37). Abby has a son (5) and I have a daughter (1). Abby dealt with years of fertility issues and had probably 10+ miscarriages. Then she had her son and of course, he was Abby’s miracle rainbow baby, we were so happy for her. But then it leads to Abby spoiling her son and letting him get away with everything because he’s a “miracle” and he’s “special”. Everyone has always bit their tongue when it comes to her son because of that.

On Saturday I had my daughter’s first birthday party. It was mostly family and a few of my close friends were invited I invited Abby and her son because everyone else in our family was invited so I felt bad excluding her. We had different activities for the kids to do. Abby’s son didn’t like any of them. He was upset none of the presents were for him. He didn’t want to eat any of the food we had.

He then decided to try and push the cake off the table because apparently, he was mad the cake wasn’t his. I got super upset at Abby for allowing her son to act that way. She went on to say her son is special. I said her son is only special to her which is understandable. But to everyone else, he’s a spoiled b**t which shouldn’t be overlooked because he was your special miracle baby. Abby called me a b**ch and left crying.

A few family members have since called me an AH because I’ve never dealt with a miscarriage so I don’t understand how painful it was for Abby to deal with years of that before her son. It’s not that I don’t realize her son is special to her but it doesn’t give the excuse for Abby to allow him to act like a spoiled b**t.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

murzicorne −  So, I have dealt with multiple miscarriages and do understand the pain. Still NTA.

theworldisonfire8377 −  NTA, and you are 100% correct. While he is her miracle baby, no one else in the world is going to coddle him except her, and she is raising him to be a spoiled entitled b**t which will only bring him issues later in life. He needs some manners and discipline and your sister needs a wake up call. What is she going to say to the police when he gets arrested for his bad behavior?

But officer, he’s my miracle baby, he didn’t mean to steal/a**ault someone/whatever stupid thing he did because he thinks he can get away with it. It’s better she realize this now than when he’s older and there are real life consequences to his actions.

HeirOfRavenclaw −  NTA. Being a “rainbow baby” isn’t an excuse to be terrible. Your sister is neglecting parenting her child because of the difficulty in having him. That’s a road to disaster.. A strong wake up call was needed.

Backgrounding-Cat −  NTA and tell the flying monkeys that your sister is actively harming her child by not preparing him for living with others in same society. Kid will go to school soon and it will be really hard for the kid if mom doesn’t get her head out of her ass! Edit: sorry for shouting and lecturing but parents like that hit a nerve. Eventually this “rainbow baby” thing will be clarified as child abuse – at least I hope so.

KronkLaSworda −  NTA. Stop inviting her places where your kid will be. Keep that aggressive kid away from your infant/toddler.

anroar1 −  You are correct. Her allowing this behavior will escalate to the point where no one will want to be near him or her. Ntah a miscarriage doesn’t allow for oh well he’s special and gets a free pass at being an ah.

Petefriend86 −  NTA. Ya’ll did well to not crush her moment, but the kid’s 5. It’s time to start crushing those moments when he wants to push your child’s birthday cake to the floor.

Mogura-De-Gifdu −  I had a “rainbow baby” after a miscarriage. My sister will soon have hers too, after a lot of miscarriages and an operation for endometriosis. And I hate that term “rainbow baby”. It’s a baby. No more no less. Sometimes she’s a little angel, sometimes a little devil. And at other time just a child. Trying to make your baby shoulder your past with such a term as “rainbow baby” is abusive in my opinion. Your children don’t have to bear your past. NTA, but I would be worried about all this family enabling her.

afraidofstarfish −  NTA. What you said was harsh but it sounds like it’s what she needs to hear. When things cool down you might apologize for saying it in a mean way, but that you do mean what you said – she is so focused on how “special” he is that she is hurting other people – and she certainly isn’t doing him any favors.

You may point out that when he starts school, none of the other kids are going to care if he’s a rainbow baby- they’re just straight up not going to want to play with him. You could probably workshop that to make it sound better but overall, she needed a wake up call.

yeswehavenobonanza −  NTA. Once a child arrives in the world, how they got there should have no bearing on how they are treated/disciplined. I’ve got an ivf baby and I try to forget we even went through all that because honestly it’s irrelevant now. A baby is a baby. My personal emotional baggage shouldn’t give her permission to be awful. As for your sister, who knows if the message will sink in. Keep focusing on how you won’t accept his bad behavior in your home. It’s up to her if she finds a way to teach him manners.