AITA for what I said after my husband commented on my flat chest?

A Reddit user asks if she’s the asshole for retorting to her husband’s hurtful comment about her flat chest. The conversation took a sharp turn when she mentioned his unemployment after he made an insensitive remark at a family dinner, leading to an argument and him distancing himself.

‘ AITA for what I said after my husband commented on my flat chest?’

My husband Jared and I have been married for 3 years. He’s currently out of work (used to work at a high paying job but got kicked out the company over a fight with a co worker) and I’m the one paying for rent and utilities. We dedicate some time to see his family weekly. They don’t know he’s unemployed because he thought they’ll see him as a failure especially his mom so he told me to keep it a secret.

Last night we were sitting eating dinner at the table. His cousin was talking about his fiancee going to brazil to do a boob job. Jared asked if he was serious then “flattered” FSIL’s boobs saying they’re perfect and that he didn’t understand why she’d get a boob job.

He then turned to me, stared at my chest while I was eating like an i**ot (I have a flat chest, I’m insecure about it but can’t do anything about it obviously) and said “Hey why don’t YOU get a boob job, you’re the one who needs it the most”. His mom gasped and was like ” JARED!?? ” I said “It’s fine!”  I then turned to him and said “I’ll get a boob job once YOU get an ACTUAL JOB since you’ve been unemployed for 6 months now$!!”.

He stared at me in disbelief, his mom began questioning him about being unemployed and he denied denied denied then admitted it was true. It got awkward with his mom scolding him and others shaming him for it and for hiding it. He got so o**rwhelmed he went outside and stayed inside the car til I came.

He started yeling at me repeatedly “you coudn’t have held your effing tongue?!!”, And accused me of turning his family against him and having them jugge then shun him now he can’t even step a foot in their house from shame and guilt.

I argued that his comment about my chest was insulting, but he said he was giving me a piece of advice and that there is nothing wrong with him wanting me to look pretty and that he said what he said out of support and encouregemnt, but I what I did was the complete opposite and that it was intented to hurt him and I succeeded. He dropped me off at home then went to stay with his buddies. I called him later thinking he calmed down but his friend said he didn’t want to speak to me and I shoud give him space.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

stubborn_panda26 −  So he:

– Got fired for an argument with a coworker and kept it a secret.
– Insulted your body in front of his family, and then tried to spin it as a “piece of advice” given out of “support and encouragement”
– Yelled at you and asked why “you coudn’t have held your effing tongue?!!”. NTA.

EDIT: Thanks for the awards! Lots of good comments downthread on points that I missed, including calling FSIL’s boobs “perfect” in front of his family, and insinuating that OP wasn’t pretty with a small chest. OP also clarified that he was fired from his job for accusing a coworker of unethical behaviour and violating their privacy by snooping in an attempt to prove this.

ColloidalSylver −  Let me get this straight. You have been keeping a roof over your heads, paying for this man’s life, lying to protect his ego, and he sat there and insulted you over a known insecurity not just to your face, but in front of his family?
I am somehow not shocked he lost his last job over conflict with someone else. NTA. Divorce him and, if you want new boobs for yourself, buy them with the divorce settlement, but either way you definitely need a d**k reduction procedure.

eugenesnewdream −  NTA whatsoever. He fucked around and he found out. You should give him space. Permanent space, away from you.

tinyjacks −  Girl, NTA. Call him back and tell his friends they can come pick up his stuff. He’s not paying for rent anyway. You’re perfect the way you are and instead need someone that sees you for you.

not3catsintrenchcoat −  You were just encouraging him to get a job :). NTA. Edit: gosh thanks for the awards you guys. Please have a beautiful day!

QuackLikeMe −  Oh NTA. He seriously thinks he was just “giving you advice” by telling you to go get a boob job??? You’ve been supporting his dead weight for six months because he’s ashamed of being out of work and couldn’t control his temper at work, now he’s embarrassing you in front of his family and trying to pressure you into plastic surgery so you’ll “look pretty.” Let him stay with his friend. Someone else can support his insensitive, deadbeat ass for a while.

notAgirl77 −  Get a divorce.

Number5MoMo −  NTA. Why do you want to be with someone who: 1. Would fight with someone at his workplace and lose his job 2. Lie to his family about being unemployed. 3. Is ungrateful and oblivious to you literally caring for him and keeping a roof over his head. 4. thinks you’ll be more attractive with surgery.

5. Knows your insecurities and exposed them to his family without the slightest bit of regard for your feelings. 6. Angry at you for not keeping up with his lies. 7. Could make you feel like you’re supposed to be okay with being insulted. 8. Can’t properly discuss a problem, he caused, so he runs away to his friends… 9. Makes you feel like you need to get justified on a website because he’s gaslighted you into thinking you were wrong. NTA. This was a very short post but the flags are waving sis.

JustASW −  Seriously? This is not a man who’s worth a damn. He wants you to keep his unemployment a secret, to protect his ego, tears you down (again, likely to make himself feel better whilst you are covering *everything*) and when you don’t stand for it, tried to frame his insult as “advice” and takes off, acting as the injured party. Change the locks. I mean it. It gets no better from here.. NTA.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Lol poor little baby can’t take what he dishes out? Also the fact that he thought what he was saying was “out of support and encouragement”  run girl run!!