AITA for telling my boyfriend that he can’t date younger and then get upset about my budget apartment?

A Reddit user seeks advice after confronting her boyfriend about his complaints regarding her apartment, which she feels is normal for someone her age. She wonders if she overstepped by bringing up the age difference and sarcastically calling him out for expecting more than what her budget allows.

‘ AITA for telling my boyfriend that he can’t date younger and then get upset about my budget apartment?’

So I recently got together with a guy from my hobby, he asked me out first and I had some doubts that we’d work together as a couple because of the age difference, he’s 35 and I’m 22. So, in my apartment, since it’s an old house that was originally a single family house, there isn’t much soundproofing. And the floors creak when people move. I’ve gotten used to the sound of the guy upstairs getting up at 4 am since he starts work at 5.

And the sound of the girls in the apartments to either side of mine watching telenovelas till midnight, taking work calls all day and having friends over on weekend nights. I know when I play music or have friends over, some of the sound leaks through the walls. So I’d never get upset about hearing my neighbors because it goes both ways.

So… When my boyfriend started coming over more often, he had complaints about the neighbors. Which put me in an awkward place, he wanted to go speak to them or have me text them and I said no. For example, one of the early times he stayed over we went to bed around 10. He wanted me to ask my neighbor to turn down her TV. I said she didn’t have it that loud and she turns it off at midnight anyway.

At 4 am, he got very irritated with my upstairs neighbor getting up and cooking breakfast. I said that he would be done by 5 because that’s when his shift starts. At 7 am, he was still trying to sleep in and the neighbor on the other side had some work calls that he said he couldn’t sleep through. I offered him earplugs and he said he couldn’t sleep with them in either, he wanted me to ask her to quiet down.

He had similar comments every time he heard someone else in the building just living their life especially if it was when he was in bed. I got frustrated with my boyfriend and told him “you know, you can’t expect to date a ‘hot young’ 22 year old and not wanna deal with a 22 year olds living situation! I don’t know if you realize but this is a normal apartment for someone my age… Hell, my neighbors are pretty great; nobody’s throwing loud parties on work nights, nobody’s having screaming fights, nobody’s having babies!”

(The ‘hot young’ part was in sarcastic air quotes because those were his words not mine) He got irritated and asked why I was bringing age into it, and I said it’s because he can’t both want someone so young and also want someone with house kinda money! And he was being so out of touch with how normal people in their 20s live.

He got really irritated with me bringing age into it, and even more annoyed when I’d respond to his neighbor complaints in the future with “ok boomer” or tell him that if he wanted me to have a “rich person apartment” he could pay for it. AITA for what I said to my boyfriend about my apartment?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Blackstar1401 −  NTA. Women his age don’t put up with that behavior.

[Reddit User] −  I dunno, man. I think your initial instict that this wouldn’t work out was right. But for more reasons than just age. He seems to have a very low tolerance for mild inconvenience.. Edit: NTA – forgot that part.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Do you know why a 35 year old dates a 22 year old? Because women his age don’t put up with his childish behavior, but a 22 year old is more likely to be easily guilt tripped. Good on you for standing up for yourself. Honestly, you might have a common hobby, but you’re in very different places in your life, which can make a relationship difficult if you’re not both ready to be understanding.

Living in an apartment comes with that burden of hearing other people. I’d point out to him that they probably hear y’all being intimate, but they don’t bother you about it! If you can hear that much of what’s going on in their apartment, they can hear just as much of what’s going on in yours …

ETA: thanks for the awards ☺️ I just want to say this wisdom doesn’t come from just being smart, it comes from once thinking I too was just “so mature” that I attracted older men… But I got carded until I was 30 and based on other life decisions, I can guarantee you that I am not that mature lol live and learn!

__aza___ −  I have to ask…have you EVER been to his house? I could be wrong but the whole setup sounds like a huge red flag. Older guy, younger girl, has a house but makes up some reason why we shouldn’t go there….

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Why do you continue to date someone who complains so much? Why aren’t you staying at his place?

Glittering_Joke3438 −  Single 35 year olds don’t live in the suburbs, 35 year olds with families do. Just saying.

camthedestroyer −  NTA. Dudes who date girls so much younger than them are generally weird. Best to just stay away.

[Reddit User] −  My ex lived an hour away. I didn’t have a car and he picked me up and had me over all the time. 30 min is literally NOTHING I’m from the Midwest but 30 minutes of driving is the average commute to work…Girl… Don’t be foolish. He only goes to your place bc his is occupied.

CauldronFire −  NTA. Tell me where you are wrong tho lol. He is just mad he is being called out on his actions by his own girlfriend. I’m sure if he wanted someone with a “rich person’s apartment” as you say, he could have dated someone his own age. Can’t date someone barely over drinking age and expect them to have a huge savings, nice apartment, and all their s**t together.

Smirking_Panda −  NTA. Time for Grampa to find someone his own age.