AITA for being upset because my son didn’t talk to me, but talked to my wife.

A Redditor (40M) shares his frustration about his son (15M) choosing to confide in his wife (39F) rather than him after an emotional moment. While he acknowledges the situation, he feels left out as a parent and wonders if his reaction is justified. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for being upset because my son didn’t talk to me, but talked to my wife.’

I’m 40M, my wife is 39F, son in 15. Yesterday when it was dinner time I called him to come downstairs few times. He didn’t answer me so I assumed that he didn’t hear me. I went upstairs and knocked on his door, he said he’d come downstairs in few minutes.

After 15 minutes he still didn’t come downstairs so I walked in his room. I knocked first. He was obviously crying. I asked him what was wrong but he didn’t answer me so I didn’t push him more. I went downstairs and told my wife about it.

She went upstairs to talk to him and stayed there for half an hour. She came back and brought him food upstairs. When I asked her what was wrong she said that it wasn’t anything important and told me to drop it.

I got kind of upset because I want to know what was wrong and I’m his parent as well. I haven’t been fully ignoring them but I’ve been acting kinda distant since yesterday. My wife got mad at said that I was acting extremely immature.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

raptorsniper −  YTA. I’m willing to bet that your attitude – as I doubt this is an isolated incident – is at least part of the reason your kid didn’t want to talk to you.

KylexLumien −  YTA. You’re entirely focused on *your* feelings in this, to the exclusion of any consideration for your son’s situation or his trust in your wife. There could be a thousand reasons why he doesn’t wanna tell you: * He could be embarrassed and need someone more sensitive. * He could be worried about losing your respect.

* He might feel safer confiding in your wife, in general. * He might have picked up on some annoyed vibes from you (you’ve called him down, several times, it makes sense that you might have felt a little irritated). * You could have lost his trust, along the way, by being callous or downright dismissive about another matter.

* He could be worried you might make fun of him. * Maybe he’s been told by his friends that this isn’t something guys talk about. * Maybe it’s something he’s scared of telling you and he needs time to build up the courage. * Maybe he has such a high opinion of you that he’d rather hide it than risk damaging his esteem in your eyes.

* *MAYBE* he just wanted to talk to his mom, rather than his dad, this time. The point is, if you sulk like a kid every time he doesn’t immediately confide in *you*, you’re gonna make sure it stays that way. Who wants to seek comfort and advice from a petulant man-child?

queenofthera −  YTA mate. It is *incredibly* immature to give your kid the cold shoulder over this. If anything, you should take this as a sign that you need to be *more* loving with him, not less. Have you considered that this kind of b**lshit might be why he’s more comfortable talking to your wife than you?

Having said this, I can understand why you’re slightly upset that your wife didn’t tell you what was wrong. I imagine that would leave you feeling untrusted and out in the cold. But, to this, I’d say that you just need to trust your wife. Trust that if it was something it was beneficial for you to know, that she would tell you.

Do your wife the courtesy of assuming that she’s keeping it to herself in the best interests of your son. Maybe it’s something he’s embarrassed about and only felt comfortable talking to his Mum about. Take a good hard look at yourself and do better.

YoungDiscord −  INFO. ​I’m gonna get so much hate for this because everyone is jumping into YTA but here goes:. ​A lot of people are saying you’re at fault and you’re the reason your son cried or doesn’t want to talk to you to which I answer:

we don’t actually know if any of those accusations are true other than the accusers saying stuff like “I think so” or “I’m willing to bet that…” People are shitting on you because you’re talking about your feelings instead of your son’s to which I have two things to say in response:.

1: as the titles suggests, your son didn’t tell you anything about why or how he feels so you literally can’t discuss anything about how he feels or why he feels that way because HE DIDN’T TELL YOU ANYTHING you literally have nothing to talk about and to defend you even further on this topic,

you’ve mentioned that you asked your wife what’s going on, your first response was to try and find out why your child feels that way which is the exact opposite of what people are accusing you of doing. ​

2: people are shrugging off your feelings and this event as a minor inconvenience to you and think you’re petty for focusing on that… but this is a big deal, you just saw your child close himself in front of you, not letting you help him…

I’m not a father but if someone I love would push me away like that for what would seem like no reason for me and not even tell me why, I would feel heartbroken and yes, upset too so I think your reaction here is not only reasonable but also very human and I don’t think any father who loves their child and wants to support and help their child on this planet would have reacted any other way.. ​. ​

As for you acting distant: I won’t assume you’re doing thins because you’re being petty as it is just as likely you’re acting out because you’re deeply hurt by idk… your own g**damn child not trusting you (but hey, apparently everyone on this sub automatically magically knows why you’re being distant because it can only be explained by pettiness, right?)

and I will side with what a lot of people are saying here… if your child doesn’t trust you there must be some sort of reason and in this case the best thing you could do is to be closer to him and be more caring rather than be more distant…

if you really care about improving the relationship with your child that’s what you’ll do and if you’re just being petty and childish – dude, just drop it, you’re being a bad example to your kid and are most likely hurting him.. ​And finally my main point: nobody on this entire sub can tell you whether you are an a**hole or not solely based on what little information you provided,

myself included because what you posted is lacks context, this could just be a teen being difficult and lashing out out of the blue or it could be a result of a long lasting issue of which you (or anyone else for that matter) could have been the cause.. ​

IMO you should talk to your wife and ask if you are the problem in this scenario or if there’s any way you can help or support your son in this, she talked to your kid so she should have more context.. ​As for the people jumping to conclusions and shitting on you calling you an a**hole: shame on you guys, if you wanna play witch hunts go to another sub.

Blastoisealways −  YTA. You are putting your feelings over those of your kid. He will tell you when he is ready to tell you. Don’t throw your toys out the pram and ignore him because he chose to confide in his mum and not you. He doesn’t have to tell you everything, just be there and ready to listen when he’s ready to talk.

SleepFlower80 −  YTA. You throwing this tantrum is just damaging your relationship with your son even more. You should be grateful he trusts your wife and that he has someone he feels he can open up to. Your feelings are not more important. Grow up ffs.

[Reddit User] −  YTA. You need to ask yourself a few questions. Why do you think your son might feel more comfortable talking to your wife than to you? Why do you think he was so uncomfortable that he probably asked your wife to not even tell you what was wrong?

This is not about them. It’s about you. Of course you want to know what’s wrong; that’s natural. But there’s a reason they aren’t telling you. Figure out what that is. Being distant is only going to distance them more from you.

kennyguy4 −  YTA. Nothing wrong with feeling left out, but actually distancing yourself in spite of that, specially as the father, is immature like your wife said.

CapnGus −  INFO. Story’s a bit vague. A lot of the people calling you an a**hole right now seem a bit overeager/assume s**t. Y’all don’t know if he treated his son badly, and you don’t know just how “distant” he was. He said he wasn’t ignoring them though and it’s odd that you just disregarded that.

I think the idea someone pitched about how the son might be embarrassed to talk to another guy about it is highly plausible. Anyway I think you have grounds for wanting to be involved in your kid’s life, and for feeling iced out.

Frankly though all you can do is try to help your son see you as someone to confide in, and other than that you just have to respect that he isn’t comfortable telling you just yet.

natekoh23 −  YTA for ignoring them and you are being immature. Its understandable that your son might rather talk to your wife instead of you. Some parents are more approachable while some parents might be considered the “fun” or “strict” one. Maybe the problem lies with how you communicate with your son instead.

Parent-child communication can be complex, especially during emotional moments. Do you think the father is justified in feeling hurt, or should he focus on building trust and patience with his son? Share your thoughts below!