UPDATE: AITA for blowing up at my friend who constantly makes comments about my boobs?

A Reddit user provided an update on the situation involving their colleague Sarah, who had been making inappropriate comments about their appearance and causing office drama. After a meeting with HR, it was revealed that Sarah had been gossiping and making hurtful remarks about the user’s character and physical appearance behind their back.

With statements from colleagues confirming the inappropriate behavior, Sarah’s claims were dismissed, and she ultimately chose to quit. The Redditor now feels supported by their coworkers and is managing their anxieties better while focusing on their work without the toxic environment. Read the full story for more details.

‘ UPDATE: AITA for blowing up at my friend who constantly makes comments about my boobs?’

I took into account the advice offered and I thank you guys for your help. HR meeting call with supervisor went well. The main incident in my original post wasn’t recorded but all six colleagues wrote a statement confirming what Sarah had said and how inappropriate it was.

I didn’t realise but John had also asked others who work with us if they, at any point, heard Sarah attack my character or physical appearance in a cruel or improper manner and if they did, would they be willing to write a statement.

Apparently, she has been saying quite a few outrageous things behind my back and it seems that a lot of the hurtful office gossip about me did originate from her. I submitted a few examples of messages and emails, sent by Sarah during work hours, taking jokes about my appearance too far.

I also included the messages where I asked her to stop causing attention at work as I’m extremely uncomfortable with others regarding me in that way. Her claims of my bullying her and calling her flat chested and ugly at work were dismissed as she couldn’t specify dates or find anyone to corroborate her story or even provide any examples of me ever being hostile or unprofessional.

The phone call we had after the video team meeting where she claims I used threatening language against her was also disregarded as no recording was made and it was her word against mine; Luckily, I don’t think they believed her on this point as I’ve never displayed anything near the type of agressive behaviour she was accusing me of and my character references had me down as the quiet sort who gets on with work.

While things were being reviewed, Sarah decided to quit. She’s still adamant that I bullied and threatened her and felt no choice but to leave the toxic environment I created. I’ve been reassured that there was no wrongdoing on my part except that I should’ve reported things much sooner when inappropriate comments first started.

From what I gather, Sarah’s general behaviour at work has raised concerns for a while and I wasn’t the first to complain about her. Some people were confused as to why I had considered her a friend in the beginning.

When I joined the team 3 years ago, it was my first job out of uni and I was incredibly nervous but Sarah was the first to ask me questions and offer to hang out. She was a bit overbearing and rambunctious but I appreciated her efforts to get to know me and coax me out of my shell.

We often did have a good laugh despite her sometimes making a joke at my expense but I tried not to take it to heart and occasionally reminded her to wind it in and be more considerate of my feelings. It’s only been during the past 8 or so months where she’s become especially rude and callous. I still referred to her as a friend of sorts but I never thought she would take things as far as she did.

**Edit:** Thanks to everyone for the kind words, advice and encouragement, it’s really blown me away. I stepped away to talk to John for a while and let him know what a great guy a lot of people think he is. His little smile was adorable.

Despite the misery at work I had to go through for a while, everything has turned out pretty amazing. I do love my job now that I can actually get on with it without the office drama.

Finding out how my other coworkers feel about me has been incredibly reassuring and we’ve now set up a weekly virtual pub night. My outlook has improved massively and I’m taking steps to manage my anxieties and put aside past negativity.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

shrug__ −  I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that. I’m so glad everyone was able to see Sarah was spitting lies and hope work is better now you don’t have to deal with her

PokeExpress −  Wow!! So happy that things worked out for you. Sarah will learn her lesson as she moves on and understands others won’t take her poop. Good on you for standing up for yourself!! You deserve a good hug and a pat on the back!! And these of course: 🎖🏅🥇

[Reddit User] −  Did you get drinks with John like you said you would? :)) good on you for standing up for yourself!!

circe_elena −  Oh my gosh, that was horrendous to read, I’m so sorry you had to go through that, how f**king dare she?! I’m so glad you can move on without her at work.

Biker93 −  I wanted to comment on your first post but by the time I read it there were already hundreds of comments and I figured it would just be lost in the noise. You mentioned how hard it was to look good in clothes that are modest. I can appreciate that, my wife was very large chested but had the surgery.

I dunno, I wouldn’t recommend it. It was a pretty major surgery and she seemed to suffer quite a bit. I’ve never asked her, what is the point. Its down stream. She might disagree with me.. ​ Anyway, I wanted to suggest a clothing style a coworker figured out. She was very large chested too but also very slim. She was a modest and classy lady.

So the conundrum is obvious, wear clothes that fit your waist which will draw a lot of attention to your chest. Or wear clothes that fit your chest and look disheveled etc… So what she did was wear tight fitting shirts, but also always had a shawl or pashmina or light sweater etc … She looked clean, crisp, well dressed but also modest and classy. Just throwing it out there.

Lexi_Banner −  Did you set up a drink with John? Because he seems like the kind of stand up dude that doesn’t come along very often.

palindromeflower −  That’s an absolutely awful experience for you to go through! I’m so sorry that you were subjected to the bullying and malicious behaviour! I’m glad that HR have dealt with it professionally and that she has quit. She definitely sounds unhinged and, probably, incredibly jealous (though there’s no need to put that on you).

bentohouse −  Good for you OP. My friend also had a similar experience. One female colleague made inappropriate comments about her boobs. The final straw was when she sent a buddy who worked in HR to “talk” to her about her inappropriate dress code.

My friend did not violate the dress code at all and they couldn’t pin anything on her. She wears maxi dresses and blazers to work. She has cleavage because she is a woman with boobs. But the HR person and the bully only wanted to intimidate her. The meeting wasn’t even recorded.

So my friend reported both of them. She had witnesses make statements. The bully was screwed because she had been doing this sort of thing for years and nobody ever stood up to her so she thought she was invincible.

She also quit before there was any action taken against her and the HR person got away with it because of lack of evidence. But at least now my friend knew not to let bullies like this just slide or they’ll keep doing it on new victims.

MrLeopard25 −  My mom used to work in an engineering firm, and was very friendly to everyone in that very male-dominated workplace. There was a guy I’ll call Dude who she had a good rapport with and regarded as a friend. As often happens Dude wound up leaving for another job. My mom was sad to see him go.

One day while lamenting his leaving to other staff, one guy was surprised and told her not miss him so much. Apparently Dude used to trash talk her behind her back to everyone,

and the icing on the cake was that he used to spray perfumes and cologne in my Mom’s office when she was out, knowing she was scent-sensitive, and brag about it to other staff.. My poor mom was horrified. Yes…some people are just straight up assholes.

jfog352002 −  Good on you Op. She quit cause she knew a write up or firing was in her near future. I hope you learn from this and now know the signs as to when to stand up for yourself and when to report s**ual harasmment in the workplace. I hope you continue to enjoy your job now with less anxiety and more confidence.

Have you ever had to navigate toxic workplace dynamics, and how did you handle it? Do you think this Redditor handled the situation well, or should they have done something differently sooner? Share your thoughts and experiences with office drama below!