AITA for “ruining” my sister in law’s honeymoon by exposing her racism?

A Reddit user (27F) exposed their sister-in-law’s (30F) racist behavior on social media after she requested that a photographer remove the user from photos due to being “too dark” and ruining the color palette. The user had helped her sister-in-law find a photographer for her wedding and was shocked when the request was made during her honeymoon.

After screenshotting the text and posting it on Instagram, the sister-in-law was left in tears, and the user’s boyfriend (32M) criticized the timing of the action. The user, however, does not believe they were in the wrong. To find out more about how others perceive the situation, read the full story below…

‘ AITA for “ruining” my sister in law’s honeymoon by exposing her racism?’

Throw away account although my sister in law will probably recognize the story anyway so I don’t know why I even bother. I don’t think what I did was an AH move at all but maybe the timing was a bit off but No, I don’t think I’m an AH full stop.

My (f27) sister in law (f30) got married last weekend. She’s my long term boyfriend’s (m32) sister. They’re white and I’m Middle Eastern. And a dark one with raven black hair. She was looking for a photographer that didn’t bankrupt her so I suggested a friend of mine who’s new in business and charged less than half because these things cost over € 5k these days.

She was excited and I set a group chat with her and my photographer friend. We talked a little and later they met and they started messaging directly to each other. The wedding was amazing and everything went smoothly. I was one of the guests and she seemed happy. The next day they went off to their honeymoon.

I don’t know if it was by mistake but instead of texting the photographer directly like she’s done for the past few months she texted him to our old iMessage chat. She thanked him but had a favor to ask him and wondered wether he could retouch some asymmetry in the (flowers archway? I’m sorry I don’t know the right terms in English)

but also if he could take me off some photos because I’m too dark and ruined the color palette. Not all pictures. Just the ones she’s in.. I texted back are you kidding me?
She didn’t answer. I took a screenshot and posted it on my insta story tagging her in it.

She called my bf crying her eyes out calling me an ah for embarrassing her and ruining her honeymoon. Bf thought it was a low blow. I was blinded with rage when I did it but even now I’m calm I still don’t feel that I was an AH. But people have been contacting her apparently asking if she really wrote this. She’s so beautiful and successful so please don’t blame it on jealousy or scare of being outshined.. 

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

He_Who_Is_Right_ −  It is always, always, always appropriate to embarrass a r**ist. Always. And while you’re not likely to cure your sister–in–law, perhaps she will think twice before communicating such ugly thoughts in the future. NTA.

pepperpat64 −  NTA. Racists deserve to be called out publicly whenever possible. I wonder if it was really accidental that she sent the message to the whole group. Your BF is an AH for not standing by you and chastising his sister himself. I’m so sorry this happened to you but sadly I’m not surprised.

ETA: I misunderstood that the group chat was just OP, the bride, and the photographer.

GonnaBeOverIt −  NTA. Total r**ist and if your boyfriend doesn’t completely have your back on this I would walk out on him

Evanescentlyy −  NTA – Racism should never be tolerated. As an adult, she should understand that actions have consequences, so choose wisely. Unfortunately, she came across the wrong person, and she was put on blast. Imagine how many others she treated poorly based on their skin color if she easily did it to you as a new family member.

cocoprezzz −  At first I felt ESH, but f**k that. NTA. White people want to be r**ist behind closed doors, but the moment they get called out, they gaslight you into think they’re the victim instead of taking responsibility.

If this is someone you care about and have a good relationship with, my recommendation would have been to talk to her about it. While what she said was r**ist, she likely doesn’t understand why. But at the end of the day, it’s not really your job.

[Reddit User] −  You realise a lot of r**ist dudes date women of colour too right? If he doesn’t see anything wrong with what his sister did I’d say this is a huge redflag

Perrykat12 −  How in the f**k does the color of someone’s skin ruin a color palette? NTA!

excel_pager_420 −  *Bf thought it was a low blow* Your bf is ok with his sister’s racism to you. He’s annoyed at you for exposing it which means it’s incredibly likely that he knew all about her views. You might want to think distancing yourself from this vile r**ist family. NTA

VVetSpecimen −  You know what would have really fixed this for her?. Not being a f**king r**ist.. GG, OP. You’re NTA.

SoloBurger13 −  Oh s**t!. You dropped this. 👑. NTA Ps: drop the boyfriend he’s r**ist too