UPDATE: AITA for kicking a girl out of my bridal party because of how sensitive she was being towards my ideas for dresses?
A Reddit user updated their previous post about kicking a bridesmaid, Joy, out of the bridal party due to her sensitivity over the dress choices. After receiving advice from Redditors, the user decided to reach out to Joy, apologize, and have an open conversation.
This led to a dress shopping trip where Joy eventually found a dress she was comfortable with, and the friendship was mended. Joy is back in the bridal party, and the user feels relieved and grateful for the resolution. Read the full story below to see how a little communication helped save the day.
‘ UPDATE: AITA for kicking a girl out of my bridal party because of how sensitive she was being towards my ideas for dresses?’
So I had an overwhelming response to my post about asking if I was TA for kicking a girl out of my bridal party for being sensitive about dresses, and I got a lot of NTA/ESH, and I could see both sides, understood that I could have handled it better, and I was glad to see that a lot of people also believed that Joy was being “a lot to handle”. Anyways, I decided to take your advice, and here’s an update on the situation, for anyone that’s interested!
So after reading a ton of your comments, I decided to call Joy and invite her over to talk. Luckily, she said yes (by the way, before this, she didn’t say she didn’t want to be at my wedding, so she was still planning on becoming a guest), and I apologized for kicking her out with no warning, but I laid out my frustrations.
She apologized for being really picky about the dress and realized that the attention wasn’t going to be on her and it wasn’t her day, so it wasn’t really appropriate for her to get upset over fine details on a dress.
She also revealed to me that this was going to be her first time being a bridesmaid (she doesn’t usually wear dresses, she’s more of a leggings and sweatshirt type of girl). I took some of your guys’ advice again and asked Joy to show me a couple of dresses online she would be comfortable with (didn’t matter what color, I just wanted to see her style), and she searched for about 10 minutes and couldn’t find one that she “loved”.
She kind of looked bummed and a little apologetic, so I came up with a plan. The official dress shopping day for the bridesmaids was the next day, and I invited Joy to go with us, to get a feel for the dresses, to see if she would be comfortable. She agreed.
So the next day, my girls and I met up at a dress place, tried on a couple of dresses, and Joy didn’t really like them, even though my other bridesmaids did. Finally, we tried on the 4th dress, which was THE one.
The girls fell in LOVE with it, and I looked at joy and she was staring at herself in the mirror, but she had a smile on her face! 🙂 I came up to her and told her again I didn’t mind if she wore a shawl or cover up for some moments, and she nodded and smiled again.
Actually one of my bridesmaids (who didn’t really know about the situation) came up to joy and told her how gorgeous she looked in the dress. I’m not gonna lie, I shed a couple of tears because they all looked so beautiful.
So we found a dress that was matching and all the girls were happy with, and Joy is back in the bridal party. Hope that this was a happy ending that everyone enjoyed 🙂 Now for me, I have to go to plan other parts of the wedding with my fiancé:)
Edit: I couldn’t find the actual dress, but I did find something very similar online.
Edit 2: and thank you guys for all the rewards!! <3. I just wanted to say that a little bit of communication can go a long way. I will admit that I was very stressed when helping my bridesmaids with the dresses, but having a simple conversation saved my friendship and my bridal party! I’m so happy 🙂
Check out how the community responded:
PawlMzn − Glad to know that you and your friend handled this situation so maturely. I hope your wedding is everything you want it to be!
Crane-ium − This is the kind of conflict resolution that makes the world a better place. There are too many stories where there nothing is resolved because one is too keen on their “justified” action. Just because one person is acting unreasonable for a moment doesn’t mean that the situation cannot improve. It’s great to hear a peaceful ending.
[Reddit User] − even if it hadn’t worked out, it would have been great that you talked it out and tried. this relationship is probably a lot stronger than before the incident.
mowiiness − Congratulations. Good job using your words and talking it out. Communication works wonders. Please enjoy your big day!!!
velvetforest − You are such a great friend! Joy is so lucky to have someone as compassionate, mature, and understanding as you. This was so sweet of you and I’m so glad that everything turned out beautifully!
Calliope719 − I went through this as a bride, and this has me tearing up. I’m so happy you made it work. Congratulations to you and congrats on the happy bridal party!
SeahorsesLove − That is awesome to hear! Also I believe the style you are referring to is called a cold shoulder, I have several dresses and shirts like that as I love that style. Congrats on getting married, I hope this was the most stressful part and that the rest is smooth sailing.
lafleurcynique − People’s feelings are more important than wedding aesthetics. I was mildly annoyed when my super thin, physically fit, and perfect seeming (looks wise) sister-in-law was hemming and hawing about wearing a matching dress with my brides maids.
Myself and all the other brides maids were chubby gals, and the idea of my sister-in-law feeling self conscious in a strapless full length skirt dress just didn’t compute when the rest of us felt comfortable.
Then I remembered that a lot of people in my husband’s family had super bad skin (facial acne, back, and chest acne), and I remembered we all are self-conscious about something. I told her to get what she felt comfortable in, and left it at that.
She later thanked me for not making a fuss about that and that she was embarrassed by her lack of a bosom too. This super beautiful, marathon-running, bad-ass, making major scientific discovery scientist was more self conscious about her body than I was at my heaviest weight ever.
She told me that I was so pretty and curvy, and that she would just look ridiculous next to me with her A-cup boobs. I crushed her in a hug, and said I thought she was gorgeous and perfect. I’m so glad I just told her to wear what she felt like she could wear. We as women need to support each other and encourage everyone to be comfortable in their own skin. We both looked gorgeous that day.
geistkind − That’s wonderful to hear. It’s nice that everything worked out.
lovable_cube − Can we see a picture of the dress?
Do you think the Redditor handled the situation well by reaching out and communicating with Joy, or could it have been resolved sooner? How important is it to communicate openly with friends and family during stressful wedding planning? Share your thoughts below!