AITA for telling my brother that his crush dislikes him because he’s an a**hole, not because he’s “too smart”?

A Reddit user shares a story about their child prodigy younger brother (13), who has a crush on a girl that doesn’t reciprocate his feelings. The brother believes she dislikes him because he’s “too smart,” but the user knows the real reason—his arrogant, condescending behavior.

After hearing their brother’s complaints repeatedly, the user bluntly tells him that his crush dislikes him because he’s an a**hole, not because he’s too intelligent. Their parents are furious, believing the user was too harsh on their young brother, but the user feels that tough love was necessary.

‘ AITA for telling my brother that his crush dislikes him because he’s an a**hole, not because he’s “too smart”?’

So I have a younger brother (13) who is a child prodigy. I won’t give too many details but he’s well known in the academic circles of our country and attends an institute of higher education. Naturally people are impressed with his intelligence and he’s quite popular and makes friends easily.

Our parents dote on him and have never told him “no”. As a result he has become very arrogant, condescending and disrespectful to people he deems below him…that’s just about everyone.

Lately he’s been openly talking about a girl he’s crushing on and much to his dismay she’s quite unimpressed with him. He often complains to my parents and I about his failed attempts to befriend her.

I understand why she dislikes him. On one occasion he invited her over for a school project and I overheard their interaction. He was constantly talking over her, dismissing her ideas and even calling them stupid. 99% of the time he was talking about himself and his accomplishments, being in news articles, his future plans are etc.

The poor girl obviously seemed uncomfortable. He quizzed her about her career aspirations and when she answered he proceeded to point out it’s a bad career path. Today he was once again complaining about her and said that she’s obviously intimidated by his superior intellect.

He claimed that all girls only like “stupid guys” and that “women are emotional”. Sadly my parents agreed and kept assuring him that this girl is obviously uncomfortable with the fact he’s so accomplished and awesome.

After hearing this nonsense many times, I finally told him that his crush dislikes him because he behaves like an obnoxious, know-it-all a**hole. I explained that he’d probably have a chance if he showed some modesty instead of talking down on this girl so much.

So my parents obviously think I’m an a**hole for saying this. They said that it was horrible of me to say this to a 13 year old and that he’s just a child. I told them that he needs to realise that his personality is becoming a problem and that his crush dislikes him because he’s an AH, not because he’s “too smart”. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

genericname907 −  NTA- you actually are doing him a favor for him to learn this lesson now. Your parent’s are setting him up for failure. Regardless of intelligence and ability, a huge part of success is also likeability and the ability to get along with others. I have seen several brilliant people get nowhere because of their complete lack of emotional intelligence.

Whiteroses7252012 −  This reminds me of a scene in “The Social Network”: “You are probably going to be a very successful computer person. But you’re going to go through life thinking that girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won’t be true. It’ll be because you’re an a**hole.”. NTA. Sometimes the truth hurts.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your parents are most at fault, however. They’re raising a narcissistic monster. They need to teach him manners before it’s too late.

[Reddit User] −  He’s on the path of becoming an incel if he starts blaming the woman/ lying about r**ection. NTA best he’s told like it is because if it progresses his mindset on the whole thing will get more damaging

Washed_In_Black −  NTA, your brother is old enough for some tough love. And although your parents could stand to be more firm with your brother, this advice is probably more effective coming from you.

InsanityIsFine −  Absolutely NTA. The kid needed to hear that. Yeah, he’s young, but coddling him will do no good. Hopefully he’ll grow out of it and will thank you for your honesty.

aoife_too −  NTA. Maybe sit him down and go through what you heard when she was over? Explain what social cues he missed? Would that help him?

[Reddit User] −  NTA – Your brother is and your parents are bigger ones. You brothers behaviour is such an a**hole more, he is turning into one the guys that complains he never can get girls because they are all below him or slurs or whatever just because they don’t like his personality or find him attractive.

Glad you are trying to put a stop to it now because lord knows he will not have a good life like that, it’ll be harder to hear when he is older & set in his ways. Your parents are bigger assholes because the coddling (agreeing he is too smart for the girl), is what’s turning him into one of those guys.

Instead of trying to make him modest or teach him that girls can just say no because they mean no. Lord (no religious anymore but going to pray to the Lord here), let them stop because if they carry on, they could create a real monster!

If he doesn’t learn no is a no just because and not because you are too smart or whatever, he could develop some messed up behaviors. Good on you and although you may get called an ass, don’t let your brother turn into one of those people. Even though it’s not your job, your parents are failing him

coastK8 −  NTA – hopefully one day when his personal life is crumbling around him or nil and void he’ll remember what you said and seek you out. If you can find other opportunities to sneak that s**t in during non-dramatic moments or in positive ways, keep doing it. You’re his only hope by the sound of it lol

[Reddit User] −  Nta, he might need to get punched in the face or something to truly humble him

Do you think the user was too harsh in telling their brother the truth, or was it an important lesson in humility? Should parents handle such situations differently when raising exceptionally gifted children? Share your thoughts on how intelligence and social skills can shape a person’s relationships!