WIBTA if I refused to attend my cousins wedding after she asked me to dye my ginger hair?

A Reddit user shares their frustration with their cousin, who is getting married and has a strict color and appearance code for the wedding, including a request for the user to dye their ginger hair dark brown or wear a short brown bob wig.

The user, whose hair is strawberry blonde, feels uncomfortable with the request and doesn’t think it’s fair, especially since other family members, like their pregnant sister, weren’t asked to alter their appearance. The family is upset that the user is considering not attending the wedding, but the user feels unwelcome and pressured. Read the full story below to get the full context of this family conflict.

‘ WIBTA if I refused to attend my cousins wedding after she asked me to dye my ginger hair?’

Yes I’m aware that my cousin posted here and oh the irony as i showed her this sub last year, but I really don’t care if she sees this, maybe it’ll hammer the point home. And I doubt she will see it as they are currently on their pre wedding honeymoon, legit didn’t even know those were a thing. So Amy is getting married, she has a blue and green and purple theme for the wedding.

People are supposed to wear these colours including the moh and the bridesmaids. What irked me about that post was that my hair is NOT FLAMING MERIDA RED. maybe slightly more ginger in low light This whole thing is completely insane to me and I have no idea where it has come from. My hair is what i would describe as strawberry blonde, maybe ginger blonde.

Those are actual picture’s of my hair not some poor stranger’s instagram. Things have been awkward from the start with Amy demanding that everyone has to stick to this dress code or they will be barred by security at the damn door.

She has also asked anyone with hair past their waist to cut it in a Facebook post but it got no replies and I can’t think of anyone except me and maybe my sister with suoer long hair. My mum and dad are both way more ginger than me and my sister who is 8 months pregnants hair is not much shorter than mine and is super ginger, and Amy never asked her to touch her hair? if anything I got the dull hair geane.

At first Amy called up to tell me she had made a post here, I took a look and had to laugh to be honest, She linked me early on clealry thinking people would agree with her but she said she was worried because it blew up.

After things went south she decided to try and “negotiate” with me, still completely bizzare as my hair is not merida red. My mum and dad called round a few days back to talk about it but got absolutely nowhere with her as she’s still insisting i dye my hair a dark brown for the day or get a wig.

My aunt, Amy’s mom called to apologise to me and asked me to please come but I don’t feel welcome, can you imagine attending a wedding where the bride stares daggers at you the whole time? and what if the security refuse to let me in. these are extremely similar to the gowns the bridesmaids are going to wear, I’ve tired mine on and it absolutely dose not clash at all.

I brought and paid for my dress so I don’t owe her anything but our families are so upset that I’m dropping out. But if I go I have no choice except to dye my hair as there never was a compromise or middle ground, it was dye it, buy a short brown bob wig or don’t come. She specified it has to be a short brown bob wig for some reason. WIBTA if I just say f**k it and stay home.

EDIT also to be fair i dyed a small strand underneath to test how it washed out 4 weeks ago, it is STILL DARK BROWN

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Cest_pas_faux −  NTA. I love it, LOVE IT when we get to hear both sides of an AITA thread, I kinda live for that sort of drama lol! Everyone made it clear to your cousin that she was a bridezilla, don’t bother to go if she hasn’t realized how insane her expectations are!

Arry_Potter −  **HOLY S**T I REMEMBER THAT POST AND YOUR COUSIN IS CRAZY!!** Seriously though, NTA. Your hair is gorgeous and you shouldn’t change it for anyone, least of all a bridezilla! I’m glad your family is on your side 🙂

LadyLochan −  NTA Your hair is beautiful and honestly I think she’s probably jealous of your hair which is why she wants you to change it.

Skull_Bearer56 −  NTA, I remember that post, she was 100% the a**hole. I have no idea how they think a short wig is going to hide your hair, it’ll by like wearing a little brown fez on top of your normal hair lol.

Ricoret −  WTAF?! You are absolutely NTA, your cousin sounds like an absolute loon. Your hair is really beautiful btw, and even if it was flaming Merida red (which would also be awesome) it still wouldn’t be remotely reasonable for your cousin to ask you to dye it. Is she really jealous or something?

Three of my bridesmaids were redheads and they all looked like the beautiful, glowing mermaids they are so f**k your cousin for being a d**k.. You definitely do not have to go. Can you link to your cousin’s post? I wanna read the crazy.

[Reddit User] −  You 100% WNBTA if you chose not to attend. And quite frankly I hope your cousin DOES see this thread. Amy – You are 100% the entitled a**hole in this situation, and if you are really making your bridesmaids wear a dress like that? You obviously either

A.) Have no taste/style whatsoever, or

B.) are colorblind, which would make a lot of sense seeing as how you would call this girls hair “FLAMING RED”

QueenMoogle −  NTA. And *still* super confused as to why you couldn’t just braid your hair and put it up into a graceful twist if your long hair is *such* an issue to her.

[Reddit User] −  NTA – I remember the OG post and your cousin was an ass.. ​ But really you all need to talk to each other because I’m guessing this is a post at her rather than really asking this question. EDIT: OG post

Thrwforksandknives −  NTA. You have beautiful hair and she has no right to demand that you dye your hair. It was and still is completely unreasonable. For whatever reason she has a grudge against you or your hair. If you can not feel comfortable and welcome, it’s better to not go.

pcnauta −  NTA. I just reviewed the original post along with her replies and… she’s gone full-blown bridezilla ‘Bride’s day, bride’s way’. One of her responses I found particularly outrageous:

Oh I’m reading, but apparantly this is all because I’m jealous and not because it’s literally the biggest day of my life and those photos will be all I have to remember it by.

* Left unexplained is how/why your hair will negatively impact her ‘biggest day’.

* My wife and I both agree that the ‘biggest days’ of our lives where the birth of our children.

* We’ve been married 28 years and I think we’ve looked at our wedding photos MAYBE 10-15 times (and most of that was in the first year or two of marriage)

* I haven’t looked at our photos in some time, we lost our video in a flood, but I still remember our wedding. In fact, my favorite moment of the wedding wasn’t in a picture – it was my first look at my beautiful bride in her wedding gown as she stepped into the aisle.

Do you think the user is in the wrong for refusing to alter their hair for their cousin’s wedding, or is the bride’s request unreasonable? How would you handle a situation where family expectations clash with your personal choices? Share your thoughts below!