AITA for banishing my teenage daughter’s friend from our house because she made fun of my weight?

A Reddit user (37F) is seeking judgment after banishing her daughter’s friend from their home due to a rude comment made about her weight. During a dinner, the friend made an inappropriate joke about the user’s size, which left the family in an awkward silence.

While the daughter wants to move on and invite her friend over again, the user insists that the friend must apologize for the comment before that can happen. The husband believes she should let it go, but the user feels that an apology is necessary for her to feel comfortable with the friendship continuing. To find out how others feel about this situation, read the full story below…

‘ AITA for banishing my teenage daughter’s friend from our house because she made fun of my weight?’

I (37f) have two kids with my husband (41m); a 14-year-old daughter and a 10 year-old son. Our daughter has always been a little socially awkward to the point that we’ve had her tested since we suspected her of being on the spectrum. Turns out she isn’t on the spectrum; she’s just a natural introvert.

However, this year in school we were thrilled when our daughter made a new friend her age since that is an area in which she struggles. Long story short she recently invited her new friend over (with our aproval) to have dinner at our house and then spend the night. So, my daughter’s friend came over.

My husband is usually the cook in the family and this night was no exception; he made us all a really nice meal. During the course of said meal I asked my daughter’s friend; “Are you enjoying the food?” She responded “Yes! \[Your husband\] is a great cook! No wonder you’ve ended up a bigger woman.”

The room got quiet for several moments. My husband tried to laugh it off and change the subject but I wasn’t having it. The girl had just leveled a completely uncalled-for insult at me. My daughter’s friend seemed to realize that she’d messed up but she didn’t say anything else.

We finished an awkward dinner in mostly silence and my daughter’s friend did stay the night. This was a couple of months ago. Recently my daughter asked if she could have her friend back over and I told her “Sure; if she’s going to apologize to me.” When our daughter asked what I meant I reminded her of what she’d said.

My daughter responded that it was over and she didn’t want to bring it up again. She then went to her father and asked. He said “sure” but she then told him what I’d said. He came to me and said: “\[Daughter’s friend\] just felt awkward and tried to make a joke. It didn’t land. For the sake of our daughter can’t you just let it go?”

Yes, I could, but the thing is that I just want an apology from the girl. I need to see that she understands how rude she was before I can get on board with her and myy daughter hanging out. My husband says that I am being weird for insisting on an apology from a 14 year-old, especially since that girl is such a good friend of our daughter.

I think it’s weird that I’m still waiting for an apology from that same girl. Seriously. That’s all I need. I just need to know that any friend of my daughter is willing to own up to her s**ew ups.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

-QueefLatina- −  YTA. Did it ever occur to you that the reason this girl and your daughter “clicked” as friends is that they’re *both* socially awkward? She’s a 14 year old kid. Even with the best social skills, they often put their foot in their mouths. Let it go. Don’t ruin your daughter’s friendship because your ego was hurt by one off hand comment.

**ETA:** Thanks for all the awards, kind Redditors! I am also thrilled that so many of you like my username. And LMAO at whoever reported me to the Reddit Cares thing because of this comment. Have a great night/day, y’all!

Major_Bother8416 −  YTA. You should have asked for an apology at the table. What she said was very rude, and I think she knew it as soon as it came out of her mouth, but she didn’t know what to do to make it right. If you’d said “that’s was very rude, and I’d like an apology” she would have said “I’m sorry” right there,

and while awkward, it would have been over. You missed your teaching moment. Holding a grudge for months against a 14-year-old is silly, and you’re punishing your daughter unfairly. Let the kid have a friend.

happybanana134 −  YTA. Stop it. You’re the adult here; don’t pick a fight with a 14 year old child. It’s clear this kid didn’t mean to upset you. Do you really want to sabotage your own child’s friendships because of your ego? You don’t ‘need’ an apology. You need to act like an adult and shake it off.. Edited to add:

I also think it’s pretty disgusting that you’re putting your daughter in the middle of this. Because you didn’t properly address the perceived slight at the time, you now expect your daughter to tell her friend she has to apologise to you while you sit on your throne and wait.

Vavamama −  As a bigger woman myself, YTA. Kids say dumb things. Once a kid came up to me in the mall and said, “Ewwww, you’re fat!” I responded, “Ewww, you have brown hair!”. She ran off crying to her mother.

CDM2017 −  YTA. If 14 is old enough to apologize, 37 is old enough to communicate that at the time. You’ve taken an awkward moment that this girl probably wishes she could forget and made it into some huge issue. Have some grace, let it go, let her think it’s forgotten. And let your daughter have a friend, ffs.

ComputerCrafty4781 −  YTA Teenagers say dumb things. And the time to correct it was in the moment. Let the faux pas slide, but if it happens again, explain why it isn’t ok to joke like that with you. This is your daughter’s friendship, keep the peace.

runrunpuppets −  YTA. Move on. You are an adult. It wasn’t even a hateful derogatory statement. If anything, women of all body types are being celebrated in the media lately and at her impressionable age it might have been a well-meant, positive comment. Let your insecurities go. She’s a teenager, not some coworker, and possibly one of your daughter’s only friends.

[Reddit User] −  Are you really going to prevent your daughter from having this one single friend because she called you fat? Is this the hill you wanna die on?….I’m also really introverted and can confidently tell you that this will prevent your daughter from having the courage to make other friends because this is how you react to kids trying to make a joke.

Their brains are still developing and sometimes they can’t control what just comes out of their mouths.

Sunshinedxo −  YTA. You said your daughter is socially awkward to the point of having her tested. Birds of a feather flock together. This girl absolutely did not mean to insult you. You, as the adult, should have and could have used the opportunity to talk about appropriate comments and kindness but instead chose to ignore it.

I think inviting her into your home is appropriate especially if this is your daughters only friend. If you feel so inclined, let her know how the comment upset you and moving forward you’d appreciate if any jokes were made not involving anyone’s weight in the house. A healthy boundary to set.

Fangehulmesteren −  She called you a bigger woman and complimented your husband’s food. If this is a fact I can’t see how she was being insulting, you’re just being over sensitive. I’m an obese guy, if someone points that out to me with no malicious intentions how on earth am I going to demand an apology for stating a fact?

Your husband is right. Get over your bruised ego for your daughter’s sake. Is it an insult to say someone is tall, short, curly-haired or brown-eyed? She didn’t make fun of you. Why should you get an apology?