AITA: I, a female, want to give my fiance my last name, but my father and brother don’t want me to. Am I wrong for planning on doing it anyways?
A Reddit user shared a story about her desire to give her fiancé her unique last name, as he has no emotional connection to his own due to a difficult family past. While her fiancé was supportive, her father and brother took issue with the idea, concerned about preserving the family name through traditional male lineage.
The user finds the situation sexist, believing she has just as much right to share her name as her brother. Wondering if she’s breaking tradition or standing up for fairness? Read the full story below!
‘ AITA: I, a female, want to give my fiance my last name, but my father and brother don’t want me to. Am I wrong for planning on doing it anyways?’
To start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name– he grew up with a horrible father. He has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. I have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it.
I brought this up to my father and he said wasn’t so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. My brother found out before I could bring it up to him and called me, saying I was being inconsiderate and couldn’t believe he hadn’t been asked.
This got me irritated, because in my opinion, I have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. He and his wife have been married for over a year and I think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones “supposed” to carry on our name.
I think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. It’s my last name too and if I want to give my future husband–who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family– my name, no one should take issue. I have three sisters who aren’t yet married, but they shouldn’t have to feel bad about giving their name either. I don’t feel like I’m being selfish here, but AITA for breaking tradition?.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
[Reddit User] − NTA, your brother and father are being ridiculous and there’s no logic behind what they’re saying.
sim-o − NTA. Why the f**k should they care? If anything they should be proud that your fiance wants to take your name.. It is sexist, and it’s ridiculous. And if nothing else, it’s your name, your fiance and your marriage.. Do it. They’ll get over it
rose_cactus − NTA. What the f**k are the dudes in your family thinking even? It just makes no sense. Give your fiancé your last name if that’s what you and him want.
bigtiddygothgf7 − NTA. F**k patriarchy. I wouldn’t give up my last name either. Do what makes you happy. Your father and brother should be happy about sharing their family name.
SleepFlower80 − NTA. F**k the patriarchy. I don’t understand why men get so weird over a f**king name.
wigglebuttbiscuits − NTA. It’s *your name* to pass on as you like. What a pile of misogynistic b**lshit.
Kenderean − NTA You’re correct that your father and brother are being sexist. There’s no valid reason they could give that would make sense. If you were a single parent, you’d pass your family name on to your child. Why should it be any different if you’re married and you and your spouse agree? You’re giving your future husband a beautiful gift. Congratulations on the family the two of you are creating together.
Pengauno − NTA- This s**t is so sexist, like you’re not also a part of the family that can carry the name??
BooBerryWaffle − NTA. It’s your name just as much as his. It’s also about to be 2020, how is he getting precious about who carries on the name? His opinion on your marriage doesn’t get a vote.
ejmci − NTA – enjoy your marriage
Is it fair for the user to break tradition and give her last name to her fiancé, or should family expectations hold more weight in these decisions? How do you feel about changing traditions around family names? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!