AITA for leaving my inlaws house with my daughter after she told me she was feeling uncomfortable?
A Reddit user shared how they left their in-laws’ house with their 16-year-old daughter after she felt uncomfortable due to insensitive comments about her visible burn scar. The user had asked their fiancée to prepare her family in advance, but during dinner.
The future mother-in-law made remarks about the scar and even suggested editing it out of wedding photos. After ensuring his daughter was okay, the user left, which upset his fiancée and her family. Now he’s being accused of overreacting and disrespecting her parents. Read the original story below…
‘ AITA for leaving my inlaws house with my daughter after she told me she was feeling uncomfortable?’
I M37 have been with my fiancee F37 for 2 years. We’re getting married soon, I’ve only met her family a couple of times. My daughter “Judy” F16 has never met them til very recently where they hosted dinner to celebrate 4th of july and that’s when they met her for the first time. Judy has a visible burnscar on her forehead.
It was due to an accident she was in when she was 9. She used tk be incredibly insecure about it. To the point where I was forced to home school her and it was hard trying to deal with and navigate through this rough time. Now she’s doing a lot better though some comments can really cause her to become stressed out and anxious.
My fiancee knows all that and respects it. Before we went to her parents house I asked her to tell them about Judy and her struggle and get to try and not say anything negative about it or possibly mention it. She said she would guarentee no one will say anything. We got to the event and they talked to Judy and she slowly warmed up to them.
Everything was going well til I was dinner time. My FMIL looked at Judy while she was eating and pointed at her scar. Basically asking questions about it which made Judy lose her appetite and start to get uncomfortable. I kept sending my fiancee and her mom signs to knock it off but to no avail.
Finally, FMIL then brought up the wedding and asked my fiancee if it’d be possible to “photoshop” the scar out of any wedding photos that will have Judy in them just in case they distract viewers. I was dumbfounded, fiancee said nothing just stared casually while nodding. I looked at Judy and it was clear this got to her.
I leaned closer and asked if she was feeling uncomfortable and that we could leave if the answer was yes. She took her time then nodded and said “yes, I’m feeling uncomfortable right now”.I got up and told her to get ready cause we were leaving. My fiancee, her mom and the family started insisting we finish dinner and stay but I refused.
I took Judy and got in the car and left before even talking to my fiance. Obviously, she was pissed. She called an was angry talking about how I disrespected her parents by taking Judy and leaving in the middle of dinnerand not even “saying goodbye”, i told her that Judy was feeling uncomfortable with FMILs comments and questions.
She said Judy overreacted and is in need to go back to therapy if a simply mention of her scar caused her to react that way. I got tired of arguing and asked her to give us some time but she went on me and said that I have no respect for her and her family and that what I did was irrational and now she won’t speak to me til I clear things up with her family after ruining their celebratory dinner.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
coloradogrown85 − OH, OP, your fiancee has shown her true colors. She doesn’t in fact care about your daughter. If she did, she would have realized that your FMIL suggesting you “photo shop out the scar so it doesn’t distract” is hella insulting. If I were you I’d rethink the wedding and that family. They owe YOU and JUDY the apology not the other way around.. NTA.
OldGrumpGamer − NTA and your fiance’s mother needs to apologize, who points to someone especially a child’s face and goes “wow that scar is ugly hope we can photoshop her face in the wedding photos.”
Kindlycreature − NTA. But you will definitely be a giant a**hole if you marry this woman who bullies your daughter and lets her parents do it too.
LynnChat − NTA. Sadly you just got a glimpse on how your marital life is going to. Wife will make promises and then she and her family will just do/say whatever crass cruel thing they feel like. If this is how they are going to treat you daughter at first meeting imagine how it will be later.
If it were me they could photoshop the whole dang wedding.
coppeliuseyes − Your FMIL recommended *digitally altering your daughter’s face in wedding photos* to avoid “distracting” people yet YOU’RE the one who disrespected HER? Your fiancée should have stood up for you and your daughter. You’re uncategorically NTA, in fact you did a great thing in supporting your daughter.
mrslII − NTA. Never TA for removing your child from a situation where they are uncomfortable and marginalized by AH. Edit to add. Your fiance lacks empathy and basic respect for your daughter.
_neontangles − She called an was angry talking about how I disrespected her parents by taking Judy and leaving in the middle of dinnerand not even “saying goodbye”. What about being angry that her parents pointed out, ***AT THE DINNER TABLE DURING THEIR VERY FIRST MEETING,*** a feature on your daughter’s face,
that happens to be a major insecurity, and suggested to digitally alter it to better suit the photos? Like ***WTF***. If she really cannot see the issue here, and is saying ***you*** are the one being disrespectful, you need to seriously consider that moving forward.
NTA. Good for you for being there for your child.
KarmaWillGetYa − NTA. And this is your problem right here: Before we went to her parents house I asked her to tell them about Judy and her struggle and get to try and not say anything negative about it or possibly mention it. She said she would guarentee no one will say anything.
Why didn’t your fiancée speak up and say something, especially after guaranteeing that no one would say anything? You need to have a serious talk with her about this. She should have been the one putting her mother in place.
What your FMIL said beyond rude, especially the photoshopping comment. It sounds like your fiancée agrees with her family and their treatment of your daughter. Serious red flags here that Time to re-evaluate this relationship.
Cupcakesmj − NTA. Don’t marry this woman. If she won’t stick up for your daughter and realise how insensitive her mothers comments were then it doesn’t sound like shes ready to be a step-mother. If I were you I would put your daughter first
LevyApproves − Let me start by stating the obvious: NTA. But let me get this straight. First, your fiancée said she would guarantee nobody said anything. Not only did she not, she also did not speak up when FMIL made offensive comments about photoshopping the scar out and whatnot. Your fiancée stayed quiet and NODDED.
She said Judy overreacted and is in need to go back to therapy if a simply mention of her scar caused her to react that way. Judy did not overreact. In my opinion, Judy handled it surprisingly well, especially for her age. She tried to stay polite, probably because the event was important to you,
but when you offered her an out, she simply stated she was uncomfortable and took it. No scenes, no tears, no drama. She handled it better than I would have – I’d have definitely made a (justified?) scene. Secondly, it wasn’t one mention of the scar, it was an a**ault of questions and insensitive comments.
she went on me and said that I have no respect for her and her family and that what I did was irrational. She has shown complete lack of respect for you or your daughter, made empty promises and did not stand up for Judy at all.
Your respect for her family shows in simply leaving instead of tearing them all a new one. You fiancée clearly doesn’t care about Judy and her comfort. I really hope she’s an ex-fiancée now. You and Judy handled it like adults. Your fiancée and her family handled it like bullies with the EQ of a rock.
Do you think the user was right to prioritize his daughter’s feelings and leave, or should he have stayed to address the issue with his fiancée’s family? How would you handle a similar situation where a loved one feels disrespected in a social setting? Share your thoughts below!