AITA for telling my sister I don’t trust her to watch my son?

A 19-year-old father is faced with a situation where his sister, who has expressed dislike for his son and frequently complains about him, offers to babysit while he takes up a side job. Despite the offer, the father expresses that he doesn’t trust her to care for his son due to her past comments and actions, leading to conflict with his sister and parents.

‘ AITA for telling my sister I don’t trust her to watch my son?’

I’m a 19 year old man with a 3mo old son. His mother surrendered her rights and is no longer in the picture. I work 4am-12pm at a gas station and I raise my son, that’s what I do these days. Only one of my friends still speaks to me and hangs out with me. I live at home with my parents and sister (21) and pay a small rent each month. I can’t afford to move out with the baby. My parents help me when they can.

My sister doesn’t like my son, she once told me she thinks he’s an annoyance and hinderance. If he cries she complains. If there’s baby clothes in the laundry she complains. Basically the baby exists and that pisses her off. I’m not perfect but I’m trying my best to be a good dad. My sister has never offered to help with the baby beyond holding him briefly and she hasn’t done that more than about four or five times since he was born.

The other day my friend called and offered me a really great opportunity for some side-work. He works construction and they needed an extra guy for some installation work. Four hours and I’d get $400.00. I jumped at it, any extra money can only help. I started trying to find a babysitter. My sister was hanging out in the living room while I walked around the house on the phone. I managed to find a sitter who said she didn’t want to be paid and went to get the baby ready.

My sister asked me why I didn’t ask her when she was sitting right there. I told her I didn’t think she’d want to since she’d never offered to help before. She told me it was different, this was for work and not just me wanting to sleep or whatever, and he was about to go down for his nap and he’s pretty easy when first wakes up, she told me it wouldn’t be a problem.

I asked her why she didn’t say something between phone calls and she said she didn’t think she needed too because we’re family and family asks each other for help. I reminded her of all the times she’d complained about the baby and me and called him names and told me she waited he’d never been born and asked her why she thought I’d ever trust her with my son.

She started crying and told me that wasn’t fair and I needed to remember that the whole house was dealing with a baby and she was just having a hard time adjusting but she’d never do anything to hurt him. I told her she should have spoken to me about her feelings instead of acting like a child, took my son and left. When I got home both my parents set in on me because my sister told them I’d accused her of bad intentions to the baby. AITA for being honest when my sister offered to babysit?

ETA: apparently God is on my side right now. The lady I mentioned in the post who babysat my son for me, she goes to church with my mom and when I dropped my son off I explained that I was having trouble finding a sitter or paying for daycare. She called the pastor and explained the situation and two days a week my son can attend the church nursery school from 7am-12pm for free!!, and the lady has offered to take my son one day a week during the same time-frame and has also found another lady who will take him for one day a week, same time-frame.

The ladies both requested $50.00, which I’m happy to pay. That means there’s only one day a week and three hours in the mornings that I need childcare and my mom has agreed to watch him for the three hours and drop him off! I still have to figure out Fridays but Monday-Thursday are covered. I can breathe again.

See what others had to share with OP:

godhateswolverine −  NTA. She only offered because she thinks she’ll be paid. Your instincts are correct. With everything she’s said about your son she’d be the very last name on the list. Remind your parents of the comments she’s made. You have no reason at ALL to trust her when it comes to your kid. ETA: thinks she’ll be paid as she heard brother offered to pay even though she declined payment.

nun_atoll −  NTA. Kudos to you, OP, for busting your ass to be a good dad. Your sister clearly has issues with your kid, so her watching him for an extended period, napping or not, seems like a bad idea. You did the right thing.

grumpyspudgal −  INFO Who on Earth did you find who was willing to watch an infant for free?

[Reddit User] −  Your sister has made it very clear that she’s not interested in helping with the baby, I wouldn’t have asked either. NTA. Good luck to you, being a single parent is hard, especially so young.

petitepedestrian −  Nta- she from your description isnt a safe choice to watch your son. You’re doing great.

InAHundredYears −  I had a babysitter force-feed my children water. She had the idea that if 8 glasses a day (for adults) is good, then 8 gallons a day (even for preschoolers) was better. I’m very lucky my children weren’t seriously harmed, but that was the utter end of leaving my children with ANYONE else until they were old enough to resist wicked authority.

I don’t think any parent whose babysitter harms their child can really be prepared for it, but you should trust your instincts.. Please read this: The Gift of Fear : And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin De Becker. Your instinct tells you that your sister can really harm your baby. Don’t force yourself to ignore that just to be polite.

just_coy −  NTA. Your sister has made it clear she dislikes your kid. She’s called him an annoyance and a hindrance. You are absolutely right to not trust her with babysitting. What if the baby starts wailing for some reason. How do you know how she’ll react considering she’s wanted nothing to do with him since he was born and complains when he cries.

glenn_koko −  NAH… hear me out. I certainly think you’re not the a**hole, but hearing your sisters argument, I sort of agree with her in a big way. Yes it’s your baby, but the whole family are also living with him and that would obviously change their lives too.

Perhaps it would be annoying sometimes (for example, if they want to watch a movie at night and can’t for fears of waking the baby) as babies change your lives and even parents who feel ready for a child have moments where they break down about everything from being awaken at all hours etc. Fair enough, I haven’t had to live with a baby. But I have friends who have (a family members kid) and they need to walk on egg shells in their own homes. This can obviously take a toll.

So yeah she should have said what she said differently, but there could be some merit to what she’s saying. After all, babies aren’t always unicorns and rainbows. They’re hard work for everyone even if they’re not directly involved. And lastly, she said that she would have helped you out here so there’s that. You never know, it could have been a way to have her become more accepting?

charitymw7 −  ESH. I’m childfree by choice and would prefer to not care for children also I find them generally annoying. I will absolutely step up if a family members, or friends kids, need watching because parents are in a bind. I think this was a good learning situation for everyone. Sister gets to see how her words affect her trustworthiness, you communicated your feelings well, and stood up to your parents while accepting help that was offer via your community.

If possible I’d have a sit down conversation expressing that her words mean something and that if she truly feels she wants to be able to be called on in a pinch she needs to show she’s capable of taking care of the kid. IE watch how things are done and why they’re done for kiddo. I think she’s also venting the only way she knows how about the dramatic change in her home. Kids affect everyone they live with and she likely feels like she has no control ( not like she had a lot to begin with) if her living situation.

tropicnights −  I’m leaning towards NAH, and this is coming from someone with a 4-day old baby. Babies are a HUGE adjustment to a household. They cry, sleep, eat, poop. That’s about it. And never at the times when you want them to! When I was 21 I probably wouldn’t have dealt with it in the most mature way either. That doesn’t mean you should trust someone who clearly doesn’t enjoy having a baby around with babysitting, but I don’t think your sister is an a**hole for having a hard time coming to terms with the new person in the house.