AITA for refusing to accept my parents “gift” and then walking out.

A Reddit user (18F) is about to graduate high school and was initially excited when her parents offered her a $10,000 gift toward her university costs. However, upon learning that the gift comes with strict conditions, such as only being able to attend two universities (both close to her parents) and having a limited selection of courses, she decided to refuse the gift.

This sparked a heated argument where her parents called her ungrateful, and she ended up walking out of the house to stay with a friend. She now questions if she was in the wrong. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to accept my parents “gift” and then walking out.’

so I’m close to graduating high school and have been applying to universities and looking at some by doing the tours and stuff. my parents decided to give me a gift for when I graduate, its 10,000$ toward my uni costs. I remember screaming and hugging my parents and thanking them.

that was untill I found out the terms and conditions, I can only go to 2 universities (they are the ones closest to my parents) and they gave me a selection of courses I can pick from, surprisingly art degree is not one of them.

so I told my parents that I cant accept the gift as I dont want to abide by some terms and conditions,I also told them it was kinda s**tty to pay me to do what they want me to do.

i explained that i now feel bad for being super excited because i definitely cant accept my gift now knowing what the rules are. this caused a massive fight where I was called ungrateful and that I’m not a nice daughter.

so I walked out of the house and have been staying with a friend until this cools off. reflecting back I do think that I might be the a**hole but I’m unsure so I’ve come to you.. I will accept any judgment

Check out how the community responded:

Bobbytun −  NTA for sure. That NTA hit hard. Your parents are HUGE assholes for trying to force your life. Don’t ever let someone force your life choices.

Edit: Wow I want to respond to everyone’s stories and the like but oof. First off to all the people saying “ARt Is NOt A rEaL suBJecT” no one asked for your input on what she wants to study. She asked if she is an a**hole for not accepting the strings attached. Holy SHIET. Thanks for your story’s though, from everyone with a similar experience to OP.

Edit 2: Since I don’t have money to give awards to all the comments. Here is some “Off brand Reddit gold” 🏅 🥇🥇🥇🥇🏅🏅🏅🥇🏅🥇🏅🏅🏅🥇🏅🏅🥇🏅

Edit 3: My phone told me it’s getting tired of all these alerts but it appreciates them. First platinum, ooo shiny, thanks. I don’t know how one comment in AITA can give me so much internet clout.

AnorhiDemarche −  NTA. They’re just mad their control attempt didn’t work. Calling you ungrateful is another control attempt to trick you into falling for the first one. They probably also didn’t like being called out for their s**tty behaviour by first saying it was a gift then saying there were strings. but if they don’t like being called out for s**t behaviour they shouldn’t behave s**tty.

also *only* 10k towards uni costs with a million strings attached is way not worth it they need to be paying half and all living costs, minimum, or that kind of offer doesn’t work. F**k off with that lowball s**t.

nolajax −  NTA, but don’t waste any money getting an art degree.

Ihfsa −  NTA. You’re parents are just trying to kepp you there so they can control you better. If you can’t choose your own path that’s the same as making you a zombie to their own liking.

joninvirginia −  NAH. My friends put their daughter through an well-regarded, expensive private art school. After getting her degree, she’s a cashier at a hardware store. My ex-gf got an art degree and has struggled with money all her life. You might be different, but I would call $10K toward a useful degree a nudge toward a better life.

Angelsrflamabl −  NAH. Look I have an art related degree, a few actually. I can count on 1 hand the number of college friends I know who use their art degree to make a living. I’m one of the few and it’s because I was willing to move often and far.

University/college is stupid expensive now and honestly for many degrees they offer not really worth the money. Your parents are trying to save you a lifetime of debt you got for a degree you won’t end up using or has a really low max income ceiling.

IMO: go to their choice for 2 years, take the money, get good grades and transfer further away or finish the 4 year program with little to no debt. With an income and no debt you can afford to study whatever you want.

dragonmjr −  NTA, its a large gift, but the terms and conditions are unreasonable and inappropriate. You are not thiers to shape into what they want. Worth also pointing out, if you start a degree you arent passionate about and drop out because you cant dedicate to it, that can end up wasting the money anyway.

Beaumis −  NTA – A gift with conditions isn’t a gift. It’s payment. Your parents are trying to buy your choice. I get parents wanting an objectively more likely to be successful major, but what to do with your life is your choice and yours alone.

SelfANew −  NTA. You’re right. Student loans will be hard, but keep them in check as much as you can. Compare your loans and payments back to a *reasonable* income for your degree after school so you don’t get in financial trouble later. Please ask over at /r/personalfinance for assistance with budgeting.

You did nothing wrong. You answered correctly and they are angry because they couldn’t control you.. Some ideas for lowering costs:. – do not go out of state. – go to community college first

– look at double majoring something with the art degree so you babe more job prospects

– make friends with your professors and ask about getting internships or paying work through their contacts

You need to understand how hard art is going to be to make a living, though. I’m not saying don’t do it, I’m saying you will have to work your ass off. I know someone that worked hard from day 1 and networked with all her professors.

She had a nice museum gig out of college but only because she went to every networking thing she could, made friends with her professors, kept in touch with contacts via LinkedIn, and made sure she was always the best. There is no time for laid back attitudes.

You can do it, but you have to be competitive and ready to work hard. Double majoring can help, especially into something like business where you can fall back on that degree if you can’t get the art job.

rr817170 −  NAH, your parents made those conditions because they love you and want you to have a successful future, it’s not a very clever or helpful way to do it. I think my parents tried really hard to convince me to stay close to home for uni, so I could live with them.

It was because they loved me, I did end up doing an open uni degree and staying at home because it meant after school I could work full time and study and it made sense financially, I came to that decision on my own because it wasn’t one of the options they tried to convince me to take.

My younger sister ignored their sugestions completely and moved up from London to Scotland for uni (she accepted the offer despite never haven been to Scotland before). She was successful too.

I think you have to make your own decisions, tell them you need to make your own sucess or failure. It’s difficult for a parent to hear that but I think they’ll support you anyway.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in rejecting the gift due to the conditions, or was she ungrateful for not accepting her parents’ help? Share your thoughts below!