AITA for telling relatives how much I make and defending my salary?

A Redditor (23F) recently attended a family dinner and was questioned by her rude uncle about her salary and car. After telling him how much she earns as a software engineer, her uncle went on a rant, claiming no one her age should make that much money.

The Redditor defended herself, stating that she deserved her salary because of the hard work she put in. Afterward, her cousin and sister expressed that she was rude, while her dad sided with her. She wonders if she was in the wrong for how she handled the situation. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling relatives how much I make and defending my salary?’

Over the weekend, I (23F) went to dinner with some of my dad’s relatives who I don’t see very often. My dad has never gotten along with my uncle (his brother) and I haven’t either. He’s rude, condescending, and we don’t agree with him on a lot of things.

Normally I just try to ignore him. However, at dinner, my uncle asked me about my car I had shown up in and my new job. I started my job a little over a year ago after graduating college and I worked hard for it. I make a lot of money and I’m proud of that. (Software engineer.) I recently bought myself my dream car I’ve always wanted.

Uncle asked “How much are they paying you anyway?” in a condescending tone, and I just point blank told him how much I make. I guess I was supposed to laugh and say something like “Oh, enough” but I told him the number.

He started going off on a rant about how no 23-year-old should make that much money and how stupid my company is for paying me that much. I got pissed and said “I deserve every penny I make. I work hard and most people can’t do what I do.”

Well, I guess this really made my uncle angry, because after dinner I received a text from my cousin saying I had been really rude at dinner and insulted my uncle’s intelligence.

My dad sided with me (since he hates my uncle anyway) but my sister agreed with my cousin and said I shouldn’t have said how much money I make or talked to my uncle the way I did because it was impolite.. AITA?

EDIT: Wow, I didn’t expect for this to blow up! Thanks for the responses everyone. I feel justified in how I reacted now. For more info on my uncle – he’s a retired airline pilot, so I don’t think he’s even jealous/bitter about how much I make, he’s just a j**k.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

NaryaGenesis −  NTA. He asked a question. You answered. He insulted you, and you defended yourself. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it is my motto

nicolasbaege −  NTA typical boomer b**lshit. You work hard and have skills that companies are willing to pay that much for. Good for you. It’s not like you were rubbing it in his face either, HE was pushing the topic. This just reeks of jealousy, pettiness and insecurities (of your uncle). He was being rude not you.

MadameMimmm −  NTA for answering a question, but you should also have a clue now why talking about your salary is probably not a good idea.Dont get me wrong, i absolutely believe you deserve it – salary is dependent on demand and supply and if you are a good Software Engineer, you get a high salary.

I (43f) work in a tech company (no software engineer) but am also an expert in my field and i also have a very good salary. I was a freelancer for 10 years before that and also made very good money – so i can afford things like a big apartment and so on and so forth.

I stopped talking about the money i earn, including to family because it causes envy and lots of revulsion – in my case mostly from the husbands or boyfriends of my female friends or male relatives. They dont get how a woman can earn this much money (scandalous!!!) bc they compare themselves and 99% of them earn 2/3 of what i earn at best.

Even though i find it ridiculous and shameful for them, i kinda get it. Lets face it: Salary is not something that is fair. A nurse, kindergarden-teacher etc. earn much less, but their jobs are at least as important or stressful as mine.

The reasons why i earn this much, is bc in the industry i work in there is big money and specialized people earn lots of money. Good for me! Yes, i earned this through hard work and education and even more hard work – but do i earn it more than my sister who is a very skilled kindergarden-teacher or a nurse? Of course not.

And those people who get aggitated are comparing themselves with you (and in your case your young age), remember what they earned then and what they earn now and start feeling bad about themselves and find it unfair.

Its their problem that they cant take a step back and see the big picture, but you can in the future prevent these kind of conflicts or people having bad feelings if you just dont specifically talk about the exact amount.

As i said: you are not responsible for the feelings of other people, due to your success – but if you want a peaceful life: Dont give out the exact amount, stay vague and say: i earn quite well for my age or i earn good and put money aside or whatever. (Unless you want to annoy someone – then go ahead. Who asks, gets the answer they deserve) 😉

PS: english is not my native language.

PPS: i just saw that you are female. Young, female AND sucessful that is even more scandalous!!!!! 😉 good for you – you rock!

Edit: Wow guys, thanks for the awards! That is really lovely and kind! <3

AverageHoarder −  NTA, this is the same guy telling young people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. He’s just pissed that you did.

perhapsnew −  NTA.. insulted my uncle’s intelligence. There was nothing to insult.

CaptainJeff −  NTA.. He asked a direct question.. You provided a direct answer.

impunto −  just out of curiosity, how much do you make?

PopularRepublic9 −  NTA. He shouldn’t have asked if he was gonna be upset about the answer

jamintime −  I know this is super unpopular, but *slight* ESH. You are pretty fresh out of school and making a ton of money as a software engineer. Your uncle is a (possibly?) blue collar worker who has spent a whole career and made a fraction of the amount that you do. Now that you are making bank you need to practice a little tact when speaking with those that made considerably less than you.

The uncle is a huge ass here mostly stemming from his clear insecurity about his salary, but it’s really best not to engage here. You say: “I deserve every penny I make. I work hard and most people can’t do what I do.”

The insinuation here is that you work harder and are more valuable than your uncle who has decades of work experience. I don’t know what he does, but I do know a ton of skill-based laborers who work their assess off and work way longer hours than most of my software engineering friends.

I’m sure you work hard but that’s not the reason you are making so much money. The reason you are making so much money is because you are smart, but also you had the opportunity to be trained in an extremely valuable trade. An opportunity that many, possibly your uncle, did not have.

Although it may be the case that you are now more valuable, economically, than your uncle, it’s not something that you should be flaunting in front of him. In a situation like this, simply rise above and don’t engage. By arguing that you, a fresh college grad, is more valuable to society than your seasoned uncle is really just twisting a dagger.

Doesn’t matter if it’s true or if he provoked it, just avoid the situation and say, “yeah, crazy right?” or “I’m sorry you feel that way”. You have nothing to prove or gain from trying to convince him that your salary difference is justified.

Blobfish_Blues −  NTA. You crushed that idiots ego with your wallet, he’s just pissy because you’ve proved you’re better than he can deal with.

Was the Redditor wrong for defending her salary and standing up for herself, or should she have kept her response more polite? Share your thoughts below!