AITA for 100% refusing to let my dad/mom see my child for something done 10-15 years ago? /Petty

Family can be both a source of deep love and lasting pain—especially when past betrayals continue to cast long shadows over new beginnings. In this story, a 30-year-old man recounts why he refuses to let his estranged parents see his baby.

Years ago, after he was kicked out by his parents over his decision to date an older man (whom he adored and eventually married), he was left with a deep wound that never fully healed. Though he’s built a happy life with his partner and now has a daughter, the old scars remain.

When his younger brother recently asked when their parents could reconnect with the baby, he coldly replied that he would never forgive them—and that he’d always choose his supportive dad over his biological father, the man responsible for the painful split. His stance has created a rift in the family, with his brother urging reconciliation, while he remains steadfast. Is he the asshole for barring his parents from seeing his child over a decades-old grudge?

‘ AITA for 100% refusing to let my dad/mom see my child for something done 10-15 years ago? /Petty’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When a parent’s actions in the past cause deep emotional trauma, it is understandable for the affected child to set firm boundaries to protect themselves and their own family. Emotional wounds from being rejected or disowned can have long-lasting impacts, and sometimes refusing contact is a way of ensuring that pain isn’t passed on to the next generation.”

Dr. Markham adds, “While forgiveness can be healing, it must come on one’s own terms. For someone who has been hurt so profoundly by their parents’ decisions, choosing not to allow them access to one’s child is less about petty revenge and more about protecting the well-being of that child from a toxic legacy.”

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “In families with complex histories, establishing clear boundaries is essential. The decision to keep estranged family members at a distance can be a necessary step in preventing recurring cycles of pain. It’s important, however, to communicate these boundaries openly. In this case, the refusal to let his parents see his child reflects a deeply personal and ongoing process of healing.”

Both experts agree that while the pain of family estrangement is profound, the choice to protect one’s new family unit from past hurt is a valid, if tough, personal decision.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Several redditors expressed overwhelming support, with one writing, “If your parents’ actions hurt you that deeply, you have every right to keep them away from your child. Protecting your family’s emotional well-being is not petty—it’s necessary.”

Another group shared similar stories of long-standing family rejection, stating, “I understand the pain of being disowned. Sometimes you need to set strict boundaries to ensure your own healing. Your decision, while harsh to some, is completely justified.”

Ultimately, choosing to keep your estranged parents out of your child’s life is not a petty act—it’s a deeply personal boundary set in response to years of unresolved hurt. Your refusal to let them see your daughter reflects a commitment to protecting your family’s well-being and ensuring that old wounds do not reopen.

This case raises important questions: How do we balance the desire for familial reconciliation with the need to protect our new family’s emotional health? Is it ever acceptable to permanently close the door on estranged parents for the sake of your own healing?

What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Have you ever had to decide between reconciling with family and protecting your own well-being? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the delicate balance between healing and self-preservation.