Update: AITA for inviting my dad’s girlfriend over my real mom to spend the day with me?

A Redditor shared an update on their previous post where they invited their dad’s girlfriend over their biological mom to spend a day with them. After causing some hurt feelings with their mom, they took the time to have a heartfelt conversation, explaining their reasons for inviting Julia and expressing the emotional impact their mom’s lack of support had on them.

The conversation ended on a positive note, with their mom agreeing to improve their relationship. The Redditor feels hopeful for the future. Read the full story below to see how things worked out.

‘ Update: AITA for inviting my dad’s girlfriend over my real mom to spend the day with me?’

Sorry for the late update it has been a busy 2 weeks. First of all, I would like to thank everyone for taking the time to read and reply to my post. I have read every response and I appreciate all the input.

I have been putting off talking to my mom until Sunday a week ago when I finally found a good opportunity to talk to her. I told my mom that I love her, that I didn’t intend to hurt her by inviting Julia, and that I feel terrible for hurting her.

I also explained to her why I invited Julia – this time she seemed to listen – and reassured her that me inviting Julia doesn’t mean we can’t have our own spa day or that I chose Julia over her because she is still my mom and I’ll always love her.

Then I showed her the websites of some spa places I had looked up beforehand and offered to pay for part of the costs. I know some people advised me against it but I think it’s a small but important gesture to show my mom how much she means to me.

My mom seemed really excited to go to one of them with me and said I wouldn’t have to pay a cent. Then came the hard part for me. I told my mom that I feel like she never supported me in my interests and it hurts me that she can’t even be bothered to show up to my tennis matches.

I also expressed my feelings that I always felt like she wished for a more ‘girly’ daughter and how this hurt me. At first, my mom got pretty defensive. She tried to deny it, but I was adamant and in the end, when she saw how important this was for me, she apologized and promised to improve.

Later at dinner, my mom asked me if I would like to go to a nearby climbing park with her and my step-dad in the future. I instantly agreed and was so happy, because going to a climbing park isn’t something my mom would normally suggest. I feel like it means she genuinely listened to me and tries to truly improve our relationship.

It has been a week now since I talked to my mom, and I’m in good spirits as I hope our relationship will improve. I’m also hopeful we find our own mother-daughter thing in the future. Thanks again Reddit for your input.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

nonanonaye −  I feel like it means she genuinely listened to me and tries to truly improve our relationship. It really sounds like it! Seems your mum is showing you she meant her apology. She made a promise to try, and now is acting on that promise. Good on you for approaching her, and even having a suggestion ready, and standing firm.

It’s natural she got defensive at first, but her dropping it not only shows she acknowledged this was important to you, but showed a part of her humility. She realized she had done something wrong, and then her words (and later actions) that followed reflect on how she does want to work on your relationship.

Her relationship with her daughter is more important than her being right, or sticking to any “image”. Which is such a nice break to read compared to what’s normally around reddit with parental relationships. Healthy communication for the win people!

Splatterfilm −  What a lovely update! I think you’re taking the right steps to improve your relationships with both your mom and Julia. The instant acceptance of the climbing park invitation was probably encouraging as well. My day is a little brighter for this.

pepeistheboi −  A nice happy ending

htmlmonkey −  Who’s cutting up all the happy onions? Knock it off \*sniffle\*. Grats OP! You sound like you’ve got a great head on your shoulders, and seem far more emotionally mature at your age than many of the adult posters to this sub!

Decent_Ad6389 −  Thanks for the update, OP. I’m so glad you were able to have a really good convo with your mom. Good luck!!!

Narit_Teg −  It’s great to hear that your mom seems to have really taken to heart that your interests differ from hers, and she’s willing to do things she doesn’t necessarily have much interest in, in order to spend time with you.

Just remember that it’s a two way street and that it’d mean a lot to her if occasionally you also did something more in her wheelhouse, such as the spa thing. Doesn’t have to be all the time but it’d be a great gift idea for mothers day, her birthday, xmas, etc.

pcnauta −  Until one is a parent you don’t realize how difficult parenting can be. Most of us mean well and try to do our best, but we have our own human flaws and weaknesses and sometimes they cause us to say or do the wrong thing.

I tend to think, though, that good, open communication is the essential ingredient to every relationship. I’m glad that your Mom has recognized her error and is trying to fix it. This is how it should be done. And as long as she’s trying, OP, continue to cut her some slack. Grace is also essential for a relationship.

Jealous-Salad −  Good job for sticking to your guns and being vulnerable OP! I know that can be an extremely hard thing to do, especially when you aren’t sure if you’ll be heard. You should be very proud of yourself! Good luck with building this new relation with your mom, I wish you all the best.

BeanBreak −  This is such an awesome outcome! You and your family should be very proud of you. You’ve shown great maturity here – expressing your feelings and communicating your needs, taking responsibility for your actions, and generally just being a really awesome kid. There are a lot of adults who struggle to do what you did. Kudos!

fourtimeschanged −  Kudos for you. This really show your maturity and willingness to show your vulnerability. I hope this newfound closeness will open up more conversation and understanding!

Do you think the Redditor handled the situation well by being open with their mom, or could things have been approached differently? How do you feel about the way they’re working towards improving their relationship? Share your thoughts below!