AITA for throwing away the elf on the shelf and “ruining Christmas” for my kids after my husband’s prank?

A Reddit user shared their frustration over a Christmas prank gone wrong. Their husband took the “Elf on the Shelf” tradition to an extreme, pulling cruel pranks on their kids to enforce good behavior.

The breaking point came when he ruined their son’s birthday cake on Christmas Eve, blaming the elf. The user, furious, threw the elf away, sparking an argument with her husband, who accused her of ruining the holiday magic. Read the full story below to see how the family dynamic was impacted…

‘ AITA for throwing away the elf on the shelf and “ruining Christmas” for my kids after my husband’s prank?’

For context, this year was the first time we would try the “elf on the shelf” with our kids. We have 3 kids, Lucas (9M), Andy (8M), and Claire (5F). Where Lucas and Andy are from our past relationships. However, Miles (my husband M37) has accepted Andy as his, and so did I (F35) with Lucas.

Every Christmas is special for Andy, his bd is on Dec/24. His dad started a tradition where Santa would’ve consideration with him for being a “kid of Christmas”. So he feels magical and special. I always try to give him that. Last year, i left “Santa Claus” footsteps, ate a carrot and “grass” he left for Rudolf. Stuff like that.

My husband doesn’t think it’s a good idea i do all that for him, and I’m showing favoritism. So, we should shut it down, because of my ex’s decision to create a tradition without considering my other kid’s feelings. I disagree since i do consider the 3 of them. But he asked if we could so smth else, like the Elf on the shelf.

I had no problem with it, but I didn’t know how that works. He explained me quickly, and since he was the one who offered, i let him do it. We bought the cute Elf. My kids named it “Bob”. Later my husband explained them they should behave, and never touch/hold Bob if they don’t want it to be naughty.

At first, it was cute to see them spy on Bob, try to see it “fly” each night. Andy was the most excited of all, i found him one night talking with it, asking it if Santa still remembered him. But my husband took seriously the “Behave or Bob would be naughty” part. Lucas was his first victim after he didn’t do his chores.

The next day, his face was drawn with sharpie markers. Then Claire, who touched Bob and her fave onesie was destroyed. Apparently, Bob had cut some pieces of it, while she was sleeping. Miles was having fun, but i could see my kids weren’t. I talked to him about how we should lower the pranks, he agreed but wanted to catch Andy since he hadn’t break any rules.

I told him that Bob’s supposed to tell Santa instead of being naughty. We argued but he finally agreed. Fast forward, it’s Christmas Eve and in the afternoon we had some of Andy’s friends to celebrate his bd. So the kids were playing in backyard. But my husband looked sus. I decided to look for Bob.

It was supposed to be in the kitchen but it wasn’t there, I asked Miles where it was and he told me “no idea”. I started getting paranoid, but Andy asked me if we could cut the cake already. I put my best face on and went for it. The cake was in a box, and when Andy opened the box. He starts crying.

I take a look and it’s ruined. “Bob” was covered in all of it, appearing he had been eating the cake. Half of the cake wasn’t there anymore. Miles starts laughing and so did some of the other parents. My blood is boiling and i grab Bob and throw it in the trash, Then i grabbed Miles.

We have a terrible argument, calls me an AH for what i did to Bob, that I’ve ruined it, how are we supposed to keep the “magic” with our kids if i wasn’t supposed to touch Bob.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Shiney2510 −  NTA But Jesus there’s something wrong with your husband. He wanted Andy to do something wrong so he could punish him (things like destroying their clothes is not a prank it’s a punishment). Your husband is hazing your children.

peregrine_throw −  NTA He ruined the birthday party with his juvenile and sadistic prank, as much as he most likely ruined the joyful and child-like spirit of the occasion for the two other kids with the other earlier stupid pranks. What a creepy and horrible Christmas “tradition” to traumatize your kids with. A doll that watches over them and exacts vengeance jfc

HRMApplepie −  NTA. Please consider that you are maried to a person that **enjoys being cruel to children.** It’s not just being the a**hole, it’s disturbing.

No_Historian_5724 −  I usually don’t tend to say this but this action on your husbands behalf is horrible, and worth of divorce papers being delivered. Elf on the shelf is supposed to be a tradition to keep the kids spirits and hopes for Christmas. Not something the parents can use as an excuse to be bullies with their kids.

It’s ok to joke with it a little but he took it way too far. Kids remember this kind of stuff and now Andy would have a terrible core memory of his bd. Also ask Miles why he was so obsessed on getting Andy. Like that’s what freaked me out the most. Please OP get away of this dude. NTA

proud_didi −  NTA These are small children. You don’t destroy their belongings in order to intimidate them into blind obedience, disguised as a ‘joke’. This is horrible. He is teaching them that if they make a mistake, or give into fantasy, their things will be destroyed, and their belongings aren’t really theirs anyway.

That he took such enjoyment destroying your son’s bday cake is sick, and I really believe that was the intention all along. I would strongly think over being married to someone like this. Edited to add: If you allow this behavior, you are setting up your son for a future in which his things will go missing/be destroyed,

and his birthday treated like trash from this point onward, though it might be more disguised. Like there’s an emergency every year on his bday so that it can’t be celebrated. Notice, HIS son just had some marker drawn on his face. the daughter you share had a oneside destroyed, BUT KIDS GROW SUPER FAST AT THAT AGE,

she was likely outgrowing it and ready for new ones shortly. The worst behavior was toward YOUR SON, that he had already accused of being the FAVORITE. Yeah there’s a lot simmering under the surface with this.

EnvironmentalImage9 −  Then Claire, who touched Bob and her fave onesie was destroyed. Apparently, Bob had cut some pieces of it, while she was sleeping. I’m sorry, what in the ACTUAL F**K is wrong with your husband? This is fucked up and sadistic.

If he doesn’t see what’s wrong and express EXTREME remorse, idk how you can reconcile this. He’s harming children. For fun. Does he experience empathy? You are NTA. These are pranks he would do in a frat house with teenagers, these are not appropriate for any children.

You don’t write on a child’s face, destroy beloved comfort items, or ruin a birthday party to teach kids to behave. I shudder to think of what other ways he’s a terrible father and he should not be surprised when his kids cut him out of their lives once they’re old enough.

SarahCBear −  Sounds like Bob’s about to destroy Miles’ favourite golf clubs…. OP, NTA. But Miles sure is. I’m gonna hazard a guess that when you celebrate Lucas and Claire’s BDays, it’s not favouritism, but suddenly celebrating Andy’s BDay on the 24th of Dec is favouritism? Though I could be extra sensitive about this topic, as I’m a Dec 23rd Baby.

StellarManatee −  NTA but *what* is wrong with your husband?? We do elf on the shelf each year but the elves do s**t like hanging candy canes on the tree or “making” breakfast (big mess). They absolutely do not meddle with the kids while they sleep or cut up clothes!

That’s really creepy! And where did your husband get the notion that the elf should “punish” the child? That just sounds like an excuse to be sadistic.

lacretiaaa −  NTA. You don’t bully and terrorize children. The fact that it makes him *so happy* doing this is very unsettling. It may seem innocent to many people but he’s destroying their property and writing on them with permanent marker.

If an adult did that to another adult it’s considered a**ault by definition. And why did he feel the need to terrorize Andy when he admitted himself that the child has been following every rule?. I’m so disgusted right now.