WIBTA if I send my parents to jail?

A Reddit user (29f) is grappling with whether to report her parents to the authorities after discovering they’ve been committing financial fraud using her identity. Over the years, the user’s parents, despite their high salaries, have struggled financially and have burdened family members and the user herself with their debts.

Recently, the user learned that her parents had used her name to sign up for bills without her consent, leading to confiscation of her tax return and a portion of her salary. Her mother claims it was her “duty” to help the family, but the user is now considering legal action to stop this ongoing pattern of abuse.

‘ WIBTA if I send my parents to jail?’

My (29f) parents have always been in financial trouble, something that I have never been able to understand because they both have a really generous salary (more than three times my own). Because of these financial troubles, my auns, uncles, and grandma have had over the years to lend them money,

we were evicted a couple of times (that I know), we have had the water, the electricity and the internet cut… Many things that over the years I admit have affected my emotional and mental health. All of this has made my relationship with my parents very difficult over the years,

more when they would take advantage of me making me pay for many things with the money that I earned working during holidays to pay for college or making me call my grandma to ask her for money, all of it while my mum used to spend money whenever she could in purses or jewellery .

In the moment I became an adult because they started to sign on the bills under my name without my permission mostly because their credit was so bad that the companies wouldn’t allow them to sign with their own names. When I figured it out I asked them to stop but they just lied about it and I just let it go because I couldn’t deal with it.

Fast forward to the present, because of the ‘rona situation, I was looking forward the money from my income tax return, because my salary has gone down so this money would have helped a lot. Instead of it, I received a letter from a courthouse saying that the money has been confiscated.

I immediately phoned my mum and she said that she didn’t know anything about it but she will fix it. Since I don’t trust her at all I called the court myself and then they explained me that during the last year there has been a proccess against me by a company I owe money from unpaid bills.

All the papers had been sent to my parents and they had sign and take them. The debt was not paid with the money from the tax income so part of my salary from now on will be confiscated too until is fully paid. So my parents stole my identity to contract a bill under my name,

didn’t pay for it and when the company claim that debt through lawyers and a judge they kept all the papers from me (which is also illegal) apparently waiting for all of it to be fixed by itself. My mother said that it was her right to put it under my name because I am her daughter and it is my duty to help with the family burdens.

Since then, and after really n**ty words from her side and my sister’s (who says that I am ungrateful and selfish) I haven’t spoken to them and I am in the middle of a global pandemic with my salary already low, paying for a debt that it is not mine.

My friends and boyfriend say that I should talk with the police and stop all of this because otherwise they will keep doing it and I am afraid they will. So, WIBTA if I speak with the court even if it means that my parents (70 and 63) could go to jail?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

itsraininginme −  NTA a million times over. Take their asses to court. In the meantime, freeze your credit. Also, your parents failed you. You deserved, and still deserve better.

breakfastpitchblende −  NTA for sending two people guilty of fraud to jail. They made their choices and have rationalized it. You’ve suffered for it and will likely continue to suffer for it since you don’t really know the extent.

Your sister has likely been victimized, too, but they have her convinced that fraud is normal because it’s “family”. BS. Get a lawyer. EDIT: Thank you for the award, u/momokun999! It’s my first!

Pretend-Panda −  NTA. This is identity theft. It is going to affect your credit, your ability to obtain certain kinds of work, rental housing, mortgages, student and other loans etc for a very long time. The longer you let them emotionally blackmail you into not dealing with this, the longer you postpone your own financial stability and security.

The odds are very low that your parents will get jail time. You will be dealing with this for years and years to come. The sooner you start coping with it directly, the sooner things will begin to be straightened out.. I am so sorry that this happened.

pkthundr136 −  NTA, but you already knew that and don’t need a moral judgment. With just a quick browse of r/legaladvice or r/personalfinance, you’d find that your parents committing fraud is obviously wrong. They’ve sacrificed your future for their own personal gain.

I think it’s crazy that your parents and your sister call you “ungrateful and selfish”, as I don’t think they’d be singing the same tune if they were the ones with stolen identities. You are your own greatest advocate. Start taking steps to reclaim your credit and to disentangle your finances from your parents.

I personally would go no contact afterwards until they learned to handle money responsibly and honestly apologized for the years of financial abuse. EDIT 1: I’m really surprised this post blew up. ~~I’m fairly certain at this point that this post is fake, as OP’s account is fresh and hasn’t responded to any comments.

Separately, I see the responses below about r/legaladvice and those are fair criticisms of that sub. I’ll clarify that I identified those two subs upfront because if OP had made a cursory glance at either of them, she wouldn’t have needed to make this post in the first place.~~.. hence why I think this post is fake.~~

Grendelbeans −  NTA. This is fraud. You need to go online right now and put a credit hold on your SS# so that your parents can’t take out any loans or sign up for any services which require a credit check in your name. It might be a good idea to contact the various credit bureaus also to find out what your next steps should be.

Original-Psychology −  NTA regards of whether you call the cops on them, they have committed a crime. So if they go to jail it’s because of their actions not yours.
I can understand you are hesitant to press charges against your parents, however they have committed identity theft, and will most likely do it again until your credit rating is ruined.

The longer you wait with reporting this, the harder it will be to convince all parties involved that you are not to blame. So this is not only about ensuring they pay for the damages the done, but also for protecting your identity, credit score and reputation.

Might be a good idea to consult with a identity protection services to see if there is any way the depths can be move to their names without you filing criminal charges against them, there might be some middle ground. What ever you choose to do. Good luck with recovering from this, financially and emotionally.

holigramj56 −  NTA. Have em arrested for identity theft and fraud. This is disgusting behavior.

mevrouwkonijn −  NTA – if you feel really bad about it, maybe confront them one last time and threaten with going to court and if they don’t fix it then, go!!!! My mother said that it was her right to put it under my name because I am her daughter and it is my duty to help with the family burdens.

No, it’s the other way around. You’re their daughter, they have a duty to provide for (and protect!!) you.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Take every step you can to clear your name. If your parents end up in legal trouble for breaking the law, that’s on them, not on you. I also recommend you stop contact with your sister. Also going to add that your parents will almost certainly not go to jail.

They’ll get some sort of probation and probably be required to enter debt counselling or something. It’s possible they’d be ordered to repay what they essentially stole from you, as well. But whatever happens, prison is a very unlikely outcome. So do what you must and get yourself clear and free. They don’t get to ruin your life.