AITA for freaking out when my wife locked our son out of the house at night after he drank alcohol?

A Redditor shared their frustration after returning from a work trip to find that their wife had locked their 16-year-old son out of the house for drinking alcohol. While they agreed their son made a mistake, the Redditor felt their wife’s response was too harsh and unsafe, leading to a major argument. Read the original story below to find out how things escalated:

‘ AITA for freaking out when my wife locked our son out of the house at night after he drank alcohol?’

I (m39) have a 16 year old son with my wife (f40). This incident happened a few days ago and she’s still mad at me. I was on a work trip so my wife was at home with our son. When I got back, I found out that he had been hanging out with his friends and they convinced him to drink some beer and he got a little drunk.

I’m not saying what he did was right, but him and I had a talk about it and it’s fine. The problem is that when he came home and my wife found out she was furious and kicked him out and refused to let him back in until the morning. He was begging her to let him but she wouldn’t.

When I found out I was furious. Regardless of what he did, she made a slightly drunk teenager stay outside by himself at night. Something very bad could have happened to him. We had a huge argument over it.

I asked her how the hell she thought that was ok. She just kept saying that it’s our son’s fault for drinking alcohol. My wife isn’t really talking to me now and my son isn’t talking to his mom. I feel like I’m in the right, but maybe I’m not. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Real-Weird-2121 −  NTA. Leslie Mahaffy, a victim of serial killers Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka, was locked out of her house by her parents the night they kidnapped her. They took turns making videos of them raping and torturing her for days before they killed her. Have your wife research that case and I bet she never locks him out again.

Edit: I got a bunch of awards for this comment. Thank you for that. Although, I have gotten banned every other time I’ve been on reddit in the past for arguing with trolls and have no idea whst to do with them.

MizZo2 −  NTA, I get that she’s trying to teach your son that actions have consequences but the much more important lesson to teach here is- “when I s**ew up I can always go home. Mom and day might be mad, but I know I will be safe with them and we can talk it out.”

Punish him for drinking underage, but that’s being grounded or having your driving privileges taken away. this is an important moment in the parent/child relationship, you want to be home base not the police here. Just to be clear- I am not in any way saying DONT punish him. He did something wrong.

But coming home drunk your first time drinking is not the time to be berated and kept outside, it’s the time to hear “Sleep it off we’ll be discussing this in the morning”. Signed,

The son of parents who immediately punished and did things like your wife did, so now we have a very superficial relationship (they get next to no news/info because I’m still nervous it will somehow be used against me) and I don’t seek them out whenever something happens to me.

chaosindeep −  NTA – Your wife single-handedly taught your son that if something is wrong, he can’t trust her (to keep him safe). Withholding safety is *not* a punishment, its cruel. I *really* hope your son has seen you stand up for him on this, that you have or will sit down with him and tell him that what he did wasn’t okay but that her reaction was entirely unreasonable and unacceptable

She cannot do this kind of thing in the future. Talk with both of them about what rules he is not allowed to break and what will happen if he does (none of which should be abusive responses intended to scare or embarrass him)

Spectre-907 −  Your wife denied your child shelter, at night, while he was i**oxicated. She endangered your kid. NTA and I have to ask your wife the following: what the **f**k** is wrong with you?

Athena2560 −  NTA. No matter if he was a little drunk or very drunk, he’s a vulnerable minor and I would not leave him outside. There are a lot of other ways of setting high expectations and disciplining a kid. Child n**lect isn’t one of them. You two need to talk and get on the same page as far as discipline goes so you have a set of consequences and rules you are both comfortable with.

[Reddit User] −  Good job. In case he ever does it again she’s made it that he will ride with a friend who may be drunk as he knows he can’t call her for a ride. Well done mother. Talk about stupid.

deefop −  Short of physical violence, there is basically zero legitimate reasons to lock a child outside their home all night. Even if the reason is legitimate, as the child’s guardian you are responsible for their safety, period. That’s what being a guardian means.

Nta. Your wife fucked up massively. This is not something you can let her get away with. She endangered your child while you were not around to help.
I am never the weirdo redditor encouraging everyone to break up, but this actually divorce worthy if you can’t get her to see sense.

She absolutely put your son at risk of danger or injury with her actions, unless your living situation is unique and you have like a huge private back yard with hammocks and cabanas and sleeping outside is normal, or something. Seems unlikely to me.

Irrelevant to the whole thing, but for the record, drinking laws in the US are asinine and people who freak out about underage drinking are typically either extremely obedient to the law(gross) or have intense religious reasons to oppose drinking(also gross imo). There are cultures and countries around the world where 16 year olds have a beer with their friends without the sky falling.

Learning to drink responsibly at a gradual pace seems much healthier to me than zero tolerance until 21, at which point WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I CAN DOWN THIS WHOLE MAG OF JACK MYSELF, I’M INVINCIBLE WOOOOOOOO TIME TO DRIVE HOME I DON’T EVEN FEEL IT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. Just my two cents.

Butterbeary −  NTA. He is not the first 16 year old to show up at home drunk. Giving him a lecture is fine. Locking him outside is not. He is a minor. Safety should still be considered, that is one of your tasks as a parent.

Upset_Peace_6739 −  NTA. One of Paul Bernardo’s victims was grabbed after she was locked out of the house for breaking curfew. Extreme example yes but there are better ways to make a point than locking a teen out of the house.

MooreAveDad −  Google “Leslie Mahaffy”. Your wife needs to consider if she wants a son or a funeral.. NTA

Do you think the wife’s punishment was justified, or was it too extreme and unsafe for the situation? How would you have handled your teenager’s mistake in this case? Share your thoughts below!