AITA for favoring my s**pegoat brother over his golden child twin sister?

A Redditor shares their experiences growing up with twin siblings, one a parental “golden child” and the other a scapegoat. While trying to support their overlooked brother, they find themselves accused of favoritism by their entitled sister. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for favoring my s**pegoat brother over his golden child twin sister?’

I (20m) has two younger siblings, “Joe” and “Jill”. They’re twins, both 18 and graduating high school this year. Jill is my parent’s favorite, because they’ve always wanted a daughter, while Joe is their s**pegoat, because I guess he’s the bonus baby they never actually asked for.

I’m mostly better off than Joe, as I’m the oldest grandson from both sides of my family, almost all of whom are just as blantant as my parents are about their favoritism. I felt really bad for Joe, so I did what I could to make him feel less alone. Like when Jill got to go shopping with mommy and daddy, I took Joe skating with my friends.

When our parents were too busy watching Jill’s kiddie pageant, I dragged my best bud to sit through Joe’s elementary school musical. Small things like that. It all started as pity moves, but soon my friends pretty much like Joe better than me, while Jill’s princess syndrome got in her head, so now I spend more time with Joe because I simply like him better than Jill.

Never said it out loud, but I don’t make it a secret either that I prefer not to spend my time with entitled brats. Anyway, like I said they’re graduating soon. They both already had their choice of college, accomodations, etc. Jill’s going to a uni in SF, fully funded by our parents, unsurprisingly.

Joe’s going to the same Uni as mine in Seattle, but different campus just 20ish minutes away. He got a full ride, which apparently makes him ineligible to get any financial help from his own parents. This is also hardly surprising, so I made some calls to ask around, see if anyone is hiring next fall. I did this while on facetime with Joe.

I was reassuring him that we’ll find him a job that don’t s**k and pays enough, that he’s better off without dad’s money anyway because we both know it comes with strings attached, that this way, mom and dad wouldn’t be able to stick their noses into his purchases. I got him to feel better about the whole thing and logged off.

I guess Jill overheard, because the next day she sent me texts after texts demanding I help her find jobs as well because she doesn’t want dad “nagging her”. When I told her, politely btw, that I don’t know anyone in SF,

and that she’d get more help from mom and dad, she blew up, saying all these things about me favoring Joe over her, which, yeah. It’s true. I love both of my siblings, but I don’t particularly like Jill. It’s not like she’s making herself likeable, though, so AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

BaltimoreBadger23 −  I figured your brother was a total f**k up or something, but seems his only crime was being the boy twin. F**k ups don’t get full rides to college. Here’s the thing, of course you are NTA, but you went above and beyond, because without someone like you in his life Joe would have likely slipped into total f**k up territory.

So what you have done for him is beyond any measure of the acronyms we have on this page. As for Jill, give her a chance to grow up without your parents constant dotage. She might surprise you.

sandwich_paper −  NTA. Your brother is very lucky to have you. But remember that it is not your sister’s fault, that her parents favoured her. It is also not her fault, that this made her entitled. But she is an adult now, so it is her responsibility to do better in the future. She will need time for that.

I would directly explain to her, why you treat them differently. Get it out in the open, it seems about time. Be kind and tell her, that you love her and don’t blame her for your parents mistakes but also point out specific situations, where her behaviour made hanging out with her difficult.

It is also not your job to help your siblings. You are doing it for your brother, because you want to. You have good reasons to not want to do it for Jill as well. She did not even ask nicely, she just demanded it. It is about time, that that she understands, that this is not how you get people to do favours for you.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Explain to her the difference in treatment by your parents. Maybe she’s redeemable you never know.

CakeEatingRabbit −  NTA. But you could be kinder and more encouraging to jill about her independence without putting in more actual work. I get that you trie your best and you your behaviour is absolutly valid. Kindness also costs you nothing and a few

“Wow, I think it is fantastic that you want to work to be more independent from our parents. That’s very mature and the right atep in my opinion.” “I’m sorry that I can’t help you find a job in that city as I know no one there, but I’m sure you will find something that fits and pay enough. You could look at xyz places. You will get there.

You also have more time because our parents are willing to fund it for you. The time for joe is way more urgent.” I do think if jill gets away from your parents and actually does get herself a job, she may mature and becames a more likeable person.

As said, there is nothing wrong with your behaviour and kill them with kindness is way easier said than done and maybe not even possible here.
All the best to you and your siblings. Your parents s**k extrem.

SKatieRo −  Reading this startled me– as I’m100% the Joe in my family. I have a golden-child opposite-gender twin and an older sibling the same gender I am. Crazy. You’re doing a great job. I am soooo grateful for my older sister who sounds a lot like you.

Global_Rich2165 −  NTA. As a s**pegoat child myself, I would have done anything for a sibling like you.. Good on you!

wilf_theangelbean −  NTA – your brother needed you and you stepped up. But maybe when Jill is at uni try to visit her – tell her now that you’ll check on her to see how she’s doing. She might be different once she’s away from the toxicity of your parents.

waterfairyunicorn −  NTA you’re an awesome brother.. Small things like that. Believe me, none of this is small. It’s everything.

[Reddit User] −  NTA: but I don’t think she is either. Your parents are the only assholes here IMO. They’ve created an environment that you felt the need to step in as a parent at a far too young of an age. Showing intense favouritism is crappy for all involved.

Also just some perspective on her side. (I don’t fully know her obviously). But I was the golden child. It isn’t all rainbows and sunshine on that side. I didn’t know for a very long time, and a lot of therapy that my worth wasn’t attached to get good grades/awards/hobbies. I had no idea what unconditional love felt like.

My parents love for the “golden child” came with an intense pressure. I had to be a certain person or else I wouldn’t be loved. Yes I could get away with lord in some situations due to it. It took a long time but since we’ve all separated ourselves from our parents I have been able to reconnect with my siblings. This took a lot of therapy. I hope you can all leave the toxic environment behind you.

FloppyEaredDog −  NTA. No offence, but I hate parents who play favourites, it’s so toxic. The irony is that your parents don’t realise they’re damaging their golden child too, but in a more insidious way. It might not seem like it because they’re getting everything and they can be entitled and obnoxious, but the golden child is a victim as well the s**pegoat child.

I hope Joe gets therapy in college and heals and goes low contact with your parents and I hope Jill one day sees your parents for who they really are and breaks free of her golden child handcuffs.

Favoritism can strain family relationships, whether from parents or siblings. While the OP clearly prefers their brother, is it justified given the circumstances, or could this perpetuate the cycle of favoritism? Share your perspective below!