AITA for insulting a girl’s weight after she went off on me for touching her purse on a crowded train?

A Reddit user recounts a tense encounter on a crowded train, where he moved a woman’s purse to sit down and was met with an angry outburst. Frustrated, he responded with a comment about her weight before offering the seat to an elderly passenger. Now, he’s wondering if his reaction crossed the line.

‘ AITA for insulting a girl’s weight after she went off on me for touching her purse on a crowded train?’

Train is packed, it’s hot, I’m tired and looking for a place to sit. Everything was occupied, but at one point I see an old lady get up and start making her way to the doors. I went over to sit in new place, but found a purse in it instead, belonging to the girl in the window seat. I asked her if she could move the purse, but she didn’t respond. I noticed she had headphones in, so I figured I’ll just pick up the purse and hand it to her as I’m sitting down.

As soon as I touched that thing, she went off on me with the most disgusted look and tone, asking me what the f**k I was doing. I explained. She then had the nerve to lie that she was keeping the seat for her friend. I told her I knew for a fact she was alone because I just saw the old lady get up, to which she did not respond. So I started making my way down, forcing her to pick up her purse if she didn’t want it crushed under my ass.

This released an even bigger tirade and series of “what the f**k is your problem”-s. I saw another old lady looking for a seat and approaching ours, so I figured I’d had enough petty b**lshit, turned around to the girl – who was slightly overweight – locked eyes with her and told her “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you actually needed two seats to be able to fit.

My bad, I’ll get up now”. I got up and offered my seat to the old lady, who took it with a smile, seemingly ignoring the huge shitstorm that was spewing out of the girl’s mouth as I was walking away. I noticed some people gave me dirty looks, but others were chuckling, so I kinda wondered if I stepped too much out of line there.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Idiotbane −  NTA: Funny as f**k.

Jaywearspants −  NTA – anyone who’s saying you’re an a**hole for touching her purse clearly doesn’t deal with public transportation. Headphones in, face out the window, bag on the seat is a classic “f**k you nobody is gonna sit next to me” move from assholes on these trains. You cannot hold a seat. Everyone paid for a ticket and everyone deserves a seat. She deserved a chewing out for how the reacted and for acting like she wasn’t aware people were going to ask to sit there.

[Reddit User] −  ESH. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just tap her on the shoulder if she couldn’t hear you; picking up her purse yourself was a bad move and probably made her very defensive. If I was in that situation I would’ve thought you were stealing it to be honest. I also think her lie may have been part of that; sometimes if you feel threatened on your own the smartest thing to do is say that you’re waiting for a friend, because if anything dodgy was afoot you might scare the potential offender off.

She shouldn’t have made such a scene, but honestly if I were you I would’ve just backed off; it would be awkward to sit there after that anyway. You definitely shouldn’t have made the comment about her weight; it was childish and no matter the situation it’s just not something to insult someone for.

Edit: Since everybody is acting like I haven’t said ESH, I’ll acknowledge why the woman was also at fault. I thought it was obvious for OP so didn’t go into it much but here goes. On busy public transport you should take up the least room possible, meaning no bags on seats. You should be aware of your surroundings and courteous to fellow passengers. You shouldn’t react as strongly as she did. However two wrongs don’t make a right so my original judgement stands.

Edit again: Thank you so much for the awards, kind strangers! Final edit so I don’t keep typing the same thing: When I said tap her on the shoulder I just meant try and get her attention a little bit more, if you don’t agree that OP should’ve touched her at all (personally though I’d rather somebody tap me than pick up my bag, just as I’d rather they tap my bag than pick me up) then waving or some other equivalent would be fine.

Also, when I said I would think somebody was stealing my things I meant as in for a split second I would so by the time they had given it to me I’d already be defensive. These are two common things being said in the comments and I just wanted to clarify. I won’t be replying to anything else here because I’ve said all I have to say and I want to avoid any arguments.

[Reddit User] −  **AITA for insulting a girl’s weight**. Yes.. But this is an ESH situation.

[Reddit User] −  ESH. I go on crowded trains all the time and this has happened before. A purse usually holds most women’s valuables (wallet, phone, charger, keys, hygienic products, etc.), so having someone pick mine up in a crowded train would have made me really scared/disrespected initially, so I get why she initially reacted like “WTF?!”.

It would have been better to wave in front of her (with appropriate distance) or lightly tap her shoulder to get her attention. You’re also an a**hole for bringing up her weight when it had nothing to do with the situation. It’s a low blow and immature when you could have commented on her s**tty attitude instead. She’s an a**hole though for lying about saving a seat especially when there’s a crowded train. These people are literally the worst.

Edit: When I thought of this “train”, I was thinking like the NYC subways where you clearly can see people in front of you trying to sit. If you’re on a typical train row, turned to the window, and got a bag on a seat, you are a major a**hole. Still a tap on the shoulder is warranted. Like “hey, a**hole, move your purse, you stupid, selfish b**ch” or something along those lines. Train etiquette, guys!

StrangeConnection −  ESH. Her weight was unrelated and unnecessary to bring up so you s**k for that. She sucks for not moving her purse and overreacting to you doing it for her. There’s a reasonable expectation in crowded public places that items will be moved if they’re in the way. You touched her purse, not her body.

raptir1 −  ESH – she was being a j**k by not picking up her purse to let you sit down, sure. But you made a personal attack on her seemingly out of nowhere. It’s one thing to have an argument, but you took it to the level of insulting her.

vincent365 −  ESH, two wrongs don’t make a right. I understand that you might’ve been fuming with rage, but insulting someone regardless of what their doing is bad. On top of that, you insulted her with the intention to hurt her feelings.

[Reddit User] −  ESH. Is she horrible? No argument. In fact, the way she’s acting sounds like it borders on some kind of mental illness. *Way* out of line. Nobody needs to put up with that s**t. But… there’s something to be said for “when they go low, you go high.” You had a long, long list of things you could have said to put her in her place. Going after her appearance is the lowest hanging fruit and, honestly… it’s beneath you. Sure she’s an a**hole, but that’s not a free pass to be one too. And you know what? Your clapback wasn’t even all that funny.

nationalhistory1889 −  ESH. You didn’t need to comment on/ or bring up her weight just because she didn’t want to give you the extra seat and was huffy about it. She was s**tty but in that moment you wanted to be hurtful so you too are also s**tty. I don’t get this trend of “well this person was an a**hole so I was an a**hole in response. Am I an a**hole?” Yes, yes sir you are indeed an a**hole.