UPDATE: AITA for not letting my sister see her kids?

A person who legally adopted their sister’s children shared an update after the oldest child decided to give his birth mother another chance via a supervised Zoom call. Unfortunately, the sister failed to apologize, instead accusing the adopter of alienation and threatening to involve the police. Her behavior solidified the children’s decision to stay with their new guardian permanently. Read the full update below.

‘ UPDATE: AITA for not letting my sister see her kids?’

So I wasn’t expecting to make an update post, because I honestly wasn’t expecting there to be an update to this. Unfortunately, I’m wrong. I gave my oldest two weeks to really think about whether he wanted to talk to my sister or not.

I figured that the decision he made at first might have been made out of anger, so I wanted to give him time to make such an important decision. Ultimately, he decided that he did actually want to talk to her.

I have to admit I was a little bit surprised, but we set up a zoom call between them anyway (of course with me supervising). Right before the zoom call he admitted to me that he wanted to talk to her, “Just to see if she’ll say sorry,”.. She did not say sorry.

Actually she opened the call with, “Hello! It’s been so long! I guess you’re ready come home with me now?”, and then she noticed that I was sitting there with him, and almost immediately launched into accusations about “alienation” and how I “have to give the kids back now or she’ll call the police and say I k***apped them,”.

My oldest was very obviously disgusted. He asked her if she was going to apologize to him, and she actually had the audacity to ask what she had to apologize for. At that point, he just shut off the zoom call. I asked him if he was okay, but he spent the rest of the afternoon in his room by himself.

That night he told me that he never wanted to talk to her again, ever. I told him that never is a long time, but that we weren’t going to make him talk to her if he didn’t want to, and we were never, ever going to give him back to her.

He told me that never is a long time. We told him that in this case, it meant never.. ​ I’m still shocked. I don’t know what happened to my sister. She was my best friend as a kid. She was almost my second mother. She was sweet and caring and nice, I just don’t know how all that changed so fast.

Or maybe it didn’t change that fast and I just never noticed until it was too late and I was driving four hours away at midnight to pick up three little kids, one of which I didn’t even know existed.

Before now, I honestly never considered myself as their parent, even after I legally adopted them. More like I was just taking care of them long term. But now I realize that those kids are my kids. And they’re going to be my kids for the rest of my (and hopefully their) lives. Thank you for all of your help, guys. I hope you all have a fantastic day.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

mle12189 −  When school starts back up, make sure you make the situation *VERY* clear to the school. And daycare for the little one as well. There’s a good chance she will try to pick them up.

Kage6885 −  “But now I realize that those kids are my kids. And they’re going to be my kids for the rest of my (and hopefully their) lives.” That is the best outlook to have and I wish you all an amazing life together. You keep knocking it out of the park being their mother.

[Reddit User] −  I wish you luck as not an aunt but a mother. You clearly love those kids to death.

Spookyredd −  Your previous post saying they said “Those kids need to be with their mother”. I was like, you’re right, they *did* need to be with their mother; when she abandoned them to fend for them selves for two weeks… You’re everything that they need right now.

SharpieScentedSoap −  I don’t know what happened to my sister. From the last post it sounds like your sister had issues with drugs. Drugs unfortunately can turn our dearest and closest loved ones into complete strangers, sometimes in a frighteningly short span of time.

Your nephew sounds like an incredibly smart kid. Hell, he took one zoom call to do what it took me 24 years to do. It really sucks that he had to learn a life lesson like this at such a young age, but it sounds like you two have a great relationship and that he’ll have the support he needs living with you.

fe_chiste −  Does your sister not understand they aren’t her kids anymore? That she can’t just demand them? The way she started the call shows how utterly self involved and dangerous. Lucky for you and the kids she will probably end up back in jail pretty soon.

coco71113 −  Before now, I honestly never considered myself as their parent. More like I was just taking care of them long term. But now I realize that those kids are my kids. The fact that you’ve completely taken over as their parent is so… wholesome, I don’t have any other words.

I’m just trying to imagine what it’s like for the 9 y.o. I mean his mother left him alone with two children, who he has absolutely no idea how to take care of. And then you come along and adopt him and his siblings, start to respect him and his boundaries.

It might very well be that you are the first adult figure he feels safe with. This is so awesome! It’s obvious that you are their mother now. Like you’ve even started to say “my oldest”!!!

Flinglehopper −  Best of luck to all 4 of you. I’m sorry your little man had to go through that, it must have broken his heart all over again. But he has a place he can feel loved, safe and secure and he has you to thank for that. You’re his real mum 💜

gjarboni −  I can’t think of enough nice things to say about you. You’re doing a spectacular job in a tough situation. I think your family wants to be able tell people a happy story and doesn’t care to learn the n**ty truth of the situation.

It just occurred to me that your sister helped raise you and then expected the same from a 7 yo. I wonder if she feels resentment towards your parents and a result of parentification. Wild speculation, of course.. Edit: Remove stray word

NhagiK −  I wish you all the best ! You’re doing a amazing job being a mother for this kids. Your sister screwed up very badly, and I don’t think that the older kid will forgive and forget that. He trusts you to keep him safe, away from your sister (who is basically just an egg-donor). If she can’t see why she needs to apologise to the kid, then she can’t be trusted to properly take care of them.

My mom used to leave me (11F) alone with my brothers (5 and 1M) for days to go fishing with her new BF, and because of that, I never saw her as a mother anymore. A mother’s job is to take care of her kids, not leave them alone, hoping they’ll be fine.

I wished I had someone like you to protect us. I (now 27) still need therapy for all the n**lect. I truly believe that your kids will grow up just fine, with you as their mom. You’re the best thing that could happen to them.

It’s heartbreaking when family relationships break down, especially when children are involved. Do you think the guardian did the right thing by giving the sister a chance to apologize? Could the situation ever be repaired? Share your thoughts below!