AITA for not making coffee how my fiance wants me to
A Redditor (23F) and her fiancé (25M) have differing coffee-making preferences. Her fiancé is a coffee enthusiast who follows a precise process using specific measurements and equipment, while the Redditor is more casual about her coffee-making, simply using a scoop and tap water.
This has led to multiple arguments, as her fiancé frequently nags her to make her coffee in a way he deems “correct.” After a particularly frustrating encounter, she snapped at him. Now, she wonders if she’s in the wrong for not accommodating his preferences. Read the original story below…
‘ AITA for not making coffee how my fiance wants me to’
I (23f) know, but this has been a point of contention for a while. My fiance (25m) is a foodie and is extremely particular about a few things, one of them being coffee. We use a manual grinder, get distilled water (the water in our area is really hard and according to him affects the taste, but I don’t notice anything), and we have an Aeropress and a metal coffee filter to make the coffee.
I’m very much not a foodie (unless being a Sour Patch Kids connoisseur is a thing). My fiance weighs his coffee beans to make sure that he’s using the exact right amount, changes the setting on the coffee grinder depending on whether he’s using the Aeropress or the metal coffee filter, measures the water,
and if he’s using the Aeropress lets the coffee grounds and water brew for a certain amount of time before actually making the coffee. On the other hand, I use a scoop to measure my coffee beans, use whatever setting the grinder is on, will usually just use tap water, eyeball the water instead of measuring it, and don’t let it sit to brew.
And y’know what? It’s fine. It tastes fine. It makes me happy. The end. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. Problem is that this really bothers my fiance. We’ve had multiple arguments about me making my coffee wrong, and it’s very normal for him to badger me weigh my coffee beans or switch the coffee grinder to the optimal setting while I’m making my coffee.
If I’m making coffee for him, sure, I’ll measure the beans and all of that jazz because I know that he can taste the difference, but I don’t think that I should have to jump through all of those hoops for something that doesn’t affect him. On the other hand, he seems to be really bothered by this.
Today, as I was trying to scoop coffee beans into the grinder, he reached around me to put the scale he uses in front of me and asked me to please weigh my coffee beans. I was really frustrated because we’ve had this conversation so many times, so I snapped the word “no” at him,
and he walked away and muttered “you, too,” saying that even though I hadn’t said it, I’d definitely been thinking “f**k you.” For the record, I wasn’t thinking that. So AITA for not making coffee how my fiance thinks I should and for sometimes snapping at him when he gets pushy about it?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Amelia_the_Mouse − NTA. Why should he care how YOU make YOUR coffee. He needs to distance himself from things that don’t affect him. Honestly, it would be like you telling him to stop weighing his coffee or using distilled water because since you can’t tell the difference, it bothers you that he can. Would he think that was reasonable?
EDIT: If his counter argument is “but my way is right” he’s wrong. His way is how HE likes it, there is no objectively right way to do. Alton Brown would tell you using distilled water is madness, spring water would be better.
4thxtofollowtherules − NTA. I’d run for the hills. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life listening to that s**t.
ms_sinn − NTA. And as a certified coffee s**b, I can add that distilled water is *terrible* for coffee. You want some mineral content in water to get the best coffee flavor!
[Reddit User] − **NTA.** When you make his coffee, you do it the way he likes so he needs to quit managing how you make your coffee.
INFO: Is controlling in any other ways?
frescafrescacool − NTA. Have you thought about drinking instant coffee ( *gasp!* )? My petty self would love to see his face when he sees you making it LOL.
SolutionLeading − NTA. You make coffee how you want. Does he have OCD or another mental illness?
bisexual_fool − NTA. He’s being ridiculous. It’s your coffee, why does he even care?
doodles2019 − NTA, I thought it was going to be you deliberately not making *his* coffee the way he likes it. People who are so controlling that they can’t even let another person have their own drink the way they like it are … questionable at best.
MamaofTwinDragons − INFO: Has he ever explained WHY it matters so much to him that you follow his methods when making coffee he’ll never drink?
Daytradingfrog − NTA I can empathize with your SO. I’m in the one in my relationship who is particular in the kitchen. It’s been a real contentious point of our marriage. However, I’m not as particular as your SO. He seems a little OCD. Tell him that he is overreacting, and that the coffee is fine. Finally, show him the old SNL sketch “A**l retentive chef,” and be like “this you.”
Is the Redditor wrong for refusing to follow her fiancé’s coffee rituals, or is he being too controlling about something so trivial? How would you handle differing preferences in a relationship? Share your thoughts below.
For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/LLkub