AITAH for calling out my aunt on the group chat?

A Reddit user (40F) shares that her aunt and uncle, who she considers second parents, have hosted a big family Christmas tradition for the past decade. However, this year, they decided to skip the usual Christmas Eve celebration, opting instead for a quieter holiday with their own children and grandkids.

A month later, the user discovered that her aunt and uncle went to Disney for Christmas with their children and grandkids without informing her, despite the user’s repeated attempts to plan a similar family trip. The user expressed her disappointment in the family group chat, only to be met with criticism.

‘ AITAH for calling out my aunt on the group chat?’

My (40f) extended family is very close. I grew up with a single mom and no siblings, and my aunt and uncle really treated me like their third child. For the past 10 years, my aunt and uncle have hosted a big Christmas Eve party where we all contribute to the food, bring gifts, play games, and then spend the night so we all wake up on Christmas morning together and have a big breakfast. It’s really special and my husband (42m) and kids (15f and 21m) love the tradition.

My aunt and uncle have expressed that they want to scale back a bit as they’re getting older and their children are having their own kids. I suggested for the past three years for all of us to plan a family trip to Disney. My aunt said she has no interest in going to Disney for Christmas as it’s too busy.

This year, a month before Christmas, my aunt and uncle let us know that they won’t be hosting Christmas Eve because one of their kids (who they don’t see often) is coming home from out of town with his family and they just want a calmer Christmas with their grandkids. They instead hosted a dinner a week before Christmas and it just wasn’t the same.

I went on Facebook Christmas Day and saw a picture of my aunt and uncle, their two kids, and 4 grandkids at Disney with matching shirts. I was devasted. I wanted to plan a trip with everyone for years, and they didn’t even tell me that they were going and I wasn’t invited.

I expressed my sadness in the family group chat and was instantly met with “they can do whatever they want with their immediate family.” Most of the family took their side and didn’t think I should be upset about being lied to and left out. AITAH.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

therealfurby −  Going to Disney (or anywhere) with a huge group is a nightmare.

Malibu921 −  I can understand why you’d be upset but… This wasn’t something to be “called out” about. If my cousins wanted to arrange a Disney trip, I’d also decline. However, if my brother invited me to go with my nephew… Absolutely.
You aunt didn’t want to participate in a big family trip. That’s… Normal. Also, perhaps this was a surprise trip that her kids planned.

Feisty_Bag_5284 −  YTA. They have told you repeatedly they don’t want a big family Christmas anymore and you keep pushing the issue. They said no to the Disney Christmas you suggested because they were already going and you would have insisted to go.

k23_k23 −  NAH. They are fine to go to disney with their family and without you.

Ok_Purple766 −  Yeah YTA. Your aunt and uncle were kind to you when you grow up, but you were still the niece. The aunt even told you they want to dial it back. They could see that you are growing too attached. Like it or not, they are not your parents. And you can’t just force your way into being their child. There is nothing to call out. Nothing wrong with having a Christmas just with immediate family.

Own_Two_5437 −  ESH – you shouldn’t have called them out in a public setting, you should have spoken with them directly and expressed your feelings and then gone from there.

Accomplished_End3530 −  YTA.. ur aunt wanted to have a Christmas just with her biological kids and grand kids..

NCKALA −  (soft) YTA. But it is time for you to start your own holiday traditions. Let your aunt/uncle enjoy their nuclear family. Aunt has subtly tried to tell you this, you just did not pick it up. HUGE family trips are overwhelming to many people. You should not have called Aunt out on a group chat. Maybe her own kids asked their mom (your aunt) to please let this Christmas be for just them, nothing wrong about that.

YOU can host a big Christmas family event if you want, but don’t expect them to show up, they are changing how they do their holidays. I’m sorry your traditions have been changed, but there it is. You are an adult, I know it hurt, but time for you to adjust to how things are now. Let Aunt enjoy her own children and grandchildren without you hovering over them.

Pitiful_Net_5965 −  Why do you think you’re part of their immediate family? You’re coming off as rude and entitled. Why can’t you plan a trip to Disney with your Mom and Dad? I know you spent a long part of your post crafting Why you think you’re entitled to your Aunts space and home and holiday. I like how you even threw in this is a child who doesn’t even visit often. But at 40 you’re overstepping.

Sounds like your Aunt’s already alluded to this by saying hey we want to focus on our nuclear family and you didn’t get the hint. The fact she threw a dinner for you a week ahead sounds like she couldn’t trust you to provide your own Christmas. And the fact Christmas wasn’t the same and you spent it stalking them on FB seems like she was right.

What are you going to do next year when she doesn’t have the Christmas dinner for choosey beggars at all? Get a grip. Get a life. And if you even want to be invited to lunch apologize to that woman. Something about your post gave me the ick everyone has been gentle with you and idk why cause you are clearly TA. YTA.