AITA for suggesting/letting my 17 year old son get drunk?

A Redditor shares their experience of allowing their 17-year-old son to drink alcohol at home before attending his first high school party. The dad, thinking it would be safer for his son to test his tolerance in a controlled environment, gave him six beers.

While the son was drunk but safe and the dad felt comfortable with the situation, his wife, who’s been out of the country, is furious upon learning about it. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for suggesting/letting my 17 year old son get drunk?’

I (46M) live with my wife and my 17 year old son. My wife has been on a different continent for about a month taking care of her dying mother, so it has just been me and my son for that time. My son and I have a very close relationship where he tells me almost everything going on in his life.

On Saturday, he told me that he was going to his first ever high school party this upcoming weekend. He was a bit nervous since he had never really drank before, but he knew that he was going to on that occasion. I’m not sure if this is relevant, but this is in Canada where the drinking age is 19 (in my province), and teenage drinking is very common.

I asked my son if he wanted to have a few beers with me while we watched a sports game that night, as a “test run” of sorts. My logic was that if he goes into the party with zero awareness of his tolerance then it could end badly, and it would be best for him to find out his limit in the safety of his home with me.

We had some beers over a few hours in the night, and I cut him off at 6 (he has had beer in the past, but never more than one at a time). He was pretty drunk but he was okay, and slept it off. We talked about it the next day, and we agreed that six was a bit much for him, and now he knows to have fewer than that at the party.

I was actually pretty content with this whole situation, since he had his “first experience” drinking in a safe environment, and I feel much more comfortable with him going to a party now. However, in an effort to be transparent I told my wife about it the other day over the phone, and she was livid. She thinks it was reckless and irresponsible.. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  NTA. sounds like your intention was to teach your son not to binge drink.

buttcheeseahoy −  NAH and honestly if you have raised a 17 year old who felt comfortable having that honest conversation with you before going to the party, good for you. You’ve been doing something right.

Staarburn −  Edit :NAH. maybe something to discuss with your wife first, But I’d say it was a responsible decision. He was 17- yeah not the legal age, but a lot of people drink that way.

I’ve seen people go to college, never drinking for the first time and get fucked up under the pressure. If he was going to drink- I think having the awareness was good. Beer and in a controlled setting was a great way to do it- it’s not like Op partied with him

Notmiefault −  NAH. It was perfectly responsible to help your son understand the affect alcohol has on him in a safe space. That said, you should have discussed it with your wife beforehand; a lot of people have very strong opinions on alcohol and her feeling that she was of the loop is valid.

emmasdragons −  NTA. She thinks it was reckless and irresponsible. Nothing about what you did was irresponsible or reckless. Your son had a few beers at home, he didn’t get “wasted” and he also didn’t throw up or end up in a ditch. You were there with him, nothing too terrible could have happened.

That being said: it might not stop him from getting very drunk at that party, especially if they have stuff other than beer. But at least now he has *some* experience and knows when he’s starting to feel the effects of alcohol. ETA: This is coming from a German though. In Germany the drinking age for beer is 16, so I might be a bit biased.

pyr8t −  NAH. May vary by state but kids can legally drink at home with their parent at a lower age than in public. Not running it by wife is dumb, especially framed as a tolerance test. But I think in general, fair idea. Remove the mystique, gain an understanding/appreciation in a safe place.

stevecrox0914 −  Life ancedote. I like in the UK and started going out drinking with a mixed age (16-40) group from my part time shop job. When a 16/17 year old joined the group, they might drink too much or make a mistake, but slowly learned. We kept an eye on them, made sure they got home safely, etc..

Some people wern’t let out until 18 and suddenly most of the rules would get lifted. They would normally get themselves into trouble or legless everytime. When I finished university I moved and developed a new circle of friends. As I moved through my early twenties this group fractured.

One half had to do ‘pre drinks’ and drink themselves to destruction every social situation, the other half would have had just a good time if there was no alcohol. Being frustrated with this group I once asked them why they didn’t get this behaviour out of themselves in sixth form.

We then learnt what divided the group. Everyone who’d gone out at 16/17, also had parents let them try alcohol at home and didn’t need alcohol to have fun and could drink in moderation. Everyone ‘protected’ until 18 still can’t drink responsibly even into their thirties.

Which leads me to believe the key to good parenting is to ensure your child gains life experiences in a safe controlled manner. You did this, the fact your wife is upset makes it a solid NTA

internetobscure −  NAH. I think your reasoning was sound and you were the opposite of reckless. That said, if this is something you and your wife haven’t discussed before I understand why she’s upset that you didn’t run it by her.

Jannon-Smitty −  NTA. That’s good parenting. Your kid would most likely have gone anyway even if you didn’t drink with him. He was in a safe environment and knew beforehand what his limit should be. As for everyone saying it was bad, they are incredibly ignorant. I guarantee their kids don’t like them and their kids don’t trust them at all.

inaboutaminute −  YTA. Not for what you did (albeit unconventional), but rather for not letting your wife in on this decision. You should consider that things like this are going to be amplified given the nature of what she’s going through.

EDIT: I’m surprised how casual people are on the topic of alcohol consumption by a minor. Comparing it to something as simple as going to a ice cream parlor. Personally, I think it’s pretty practical and wholesome that the son and father have this bond, but I just feel the topic of giving alcohol to a child of BOTH PARENTS deserves a conversation at the least.

EDIT 2: A lot of people here confusing having a 2 minute conversation with your SIGNIFICANT OTHER and asking permission. I never once said OP should’ve begged and pleaded to his wife, but rather just a heads up. The woman is in another country watching her mother die and gets a call, “Hey, I got Timmy drunk to see if he can hang with the other kids this weekend at a rager. Ciao!”

Maybe she doesn’t want him going to high school parties in the first place because kids do dumb s**t. This is a reasonable boundary set by **most parents**, otherwise what is every kid sneaking around for? OP may be cool with it, but why doesn’t she get a say at the least?

Or maybe, this could’ve been something she’d want to be included in. Obviously that’s not case here, but OP wouldn’t have known that at the time because he didn’t talk to her. The “first beer” isn’t reserved for just fathers…

EDIT 3 (and I’ll rest my case): I think a lot of people also don’t understand that by conducting this experiment, he’s essentially signed the permission slip to let his underage son go to a high school party. If the decision to drink in a controlled environment is not that big of a deal, is getting a say on that at least something you’d want as a parent?

Imagine being in a different country and you get told you were cut from the decision of letting your *underage* kid go to a rager. Apparently a lot of **cool** parents in this sub, but like I said, nearly every kid has to sneak to a party. Know why? Because the idea a parent not wanting them to go in the first place isn’t a crazy, stick up the ass idea.. Fun chatting with y’all!

Was the Redditor’s decision to let his son drink at home a responsible way to prepare him for the party, or did it cross a line? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!