AITA for serving my husband’s family Mac N Cheese for dinner?

A Reddit user (American) shared their experience of preparing a meal for their husband’s (Asian) family, who came to visit their newborn. Feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, the user chose to make Mac and cheese, as it was quick and easy. However, the husband’s mother was appalled by the meal, calling it disrespectful.

The user’s husband also took offense, stating that the dish was more insulting than serving nothing at all. The user feels misunderstood and is now questioning whether their choice of meal was inappropriate. To hear more about how others have reacted, read the full story below…

‘ AITA for serving my husband’s family Mac N Cheese for dinner?’

My husband (Asian) and I (american) welcomed our first born 4 weeks ago. The baby is health (Thank God) but I’m exhausted, haven’t fixed my hair, barely able to shower and can not sleep. My husband’s family had been pressuring us to visit to meet the baby. I tried to hold them off as much as I could but yesterday, I was surprised to find them standing on the porch.

turns out hubby invited them for dinner. I was embarrassed and felt like I wasn’t ready for visitors (judgemental ones at that 😉) cause the house was a M.E.S.S y’all. Anyways, my husband sat with them while I fed my son then later I asked my husband if we should order take out for dinner.

He said “NO” because his parents would find this rude and unwelcoming. He suggested that I go inside the kitchen and prepare something, anything long as it’s “homemade”. I said fine then went and made some Mac N cheese. The reason I prepared this meal is because of how easy it is.

Once I served the family, My husband’s mom looked at me and was appalled. I noticed something was wrong. She asked if I really found it “appropriate” to serve her and the family Mac N cheese. I asked why not and she went on a rant about how disrespectful this was and that I clearly have no experience in what is right and wrong when it comes to hosting.

I said excuse me? Who said I signed up to host an expected visit from them and she took it as in I didn’t want them there. her husband said they were just there to finally see the baby that I kept them from seeing for an entire month. that’s a whole month of his life they “missed” out on. We had an argument and they decided to go home.

My husband said that deciding to serve his family Mac N cheese was more offensive then serving them nothing at all. I told him I was too exhausted to cook their “traditional feasts” that I was forced to learn from his mom. He took offense and said that I was being mean and disrespectful towards not only his family but his culture.

I went inside the bedroom to stay with my son. My husband stayed on the phone with his family for an hour then kept giving me the cold shoulder and refused to eat what I cook in support of his family. I understand how some guests might find it offensive especially his family. but I was just trying to make a quick homemade meal like my husband wanted. What’s wrong with Mac N cheese?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Zaphod_Beeblerox_ −  This isn’t a culture clash – these people are just AHs. There isn’t an asian culture I’m aware of that doesn’t practice some form of postpartum confinement where it is expected that the new mother do nothing other than rest and bond with the baby.

IF they were so “traditional” they should have showed up with food, offered to clean the house, and run a load of laundry while they’re at it. NTA btw. Edited to add: thanks for the awards y’all. I’m Asian too, and even though I live far from home now I totally enjoyed being able to just rest up and bond with my babies in the early days post-partum.

Missicat −  NTA. Why on earth would your husband not tell you?? Also, does he need a map to the kitchen? Also…traditionally family bring food TO the new mom, not the other way around.

[Reddit User] −  Hang on a second! I’m Asian and in my culture, new moms are supposed to be coddled, fed nourishing soups etc, and certainly not expected to cook a feast for guests. Your husband and in laws are definitely the AHs, and you are NTA for serving mac and cheese. On a human level, culture-schmulture, where is their caring?

But one point of info, why did you wait so long to let the parents visit? It sounds like there is more history here, because that delay (edit – for immediate family only, not other visitors) would normally not be looked well upon.

Edit:. Not sure if it applies to poster’s situation, but in my subculture, it’s very important for the grandparents to meet the baby asap, even for a very brief visit (not saying I agree) due to the whole patriarchal lineage thing.

Nervous_af35 −  NTA. Tell them it’s customary for THEM to bring YOU food.. that’s the unspoken tradition.. someone has a baby or someone dies.. you bring the family food, or order them food, or give them gift cards for food.. the last thing you should be worried about is cooking dinner!

emccm −  NTA. Girl come on! The issue here is your husband. He has no right to talk to you the way he did ever. Least of all after you have just given birth to his child. You have a very long and hard road ahead of you. I strongly advise you to keep some money separate for when you need to leave. It’s very common for a**sive men to really show themselves after they think they have their victim trapped.

This is exactly where you both are. It will be very hard for you to leave and he’s showing his true colors. Please keep up your relationship with your own friends and family. You are going to need them. And when you do leave you will look back on this moment and wish you’d left now. It’s only going to get worse. Good luck.

janewilson90 −  NTA I am firmly of the opinion that if someone is coming to visit a newborn, they bring the food to ensure they’re not a burden to the new parents.
If your husband wanted them specific food, he is perfectly capable of getting off his arse and cooking it himself

MableXeno −  NTA If you gave birth – MINIMUM 6 weeks before you even have to consider taking on chores again. Tell his family that’s the American tradition. 🤷🏼‍♀️

bahahaha2001 −  NTA. Idk what kind of Asian your hubby is but in Chinese culture moms are waited on hand and foot month 1. It’s like a new mommy spa. Then coming over and him expecting you to make them dinner after literally pushing a child out of your body less than a month ago is stupid and selfish. Why couldn’t he make dinner?

Why couldn’t he order in? Why doesn’t he understand that making you cook 4 weeks post trauma was a bad look? Much worse than not making his family a homeade meal. Show this thread to hubs and make sure he understands he is stupid. Having people over is tough. Having people over and acting as host is not acceptable.

RLRicki −  Your mother in law needs to review her Emily Post. You bring dinner to the household that has just welcomed a newborn; you don’t demand that they cook for you. And also. The person who did the inviting is the host. Why didn’t your husband cook an acceptable feast? And also. Your husband. Is a massive A.

Because how very dare he. How very dare he invite his parents without telling you, make no arrangements to feed them, tell you, the person who JUST GAVE BIRTH A MONTH AGO to prepare “anything as long as it’s homemade” (wtf?!)(are his arms broken?)(can he not locate the fridge?!)(if it was so important why didn’t he TELL YOU THEY WERE COMING?!

and arrange for a meal himself? OR respect your very reasonable desire not to have them over since clearly THEY do not understand how to WELCOME a new baby and SUPPORT a new parent?!),

and then have the F ING NERVE to tell you the homemade meal you prepared for his parents whom he invited against your wishes and without notice wasn’t good enough?!. NTA. To the billionth power.