AITA ofr telling my father I have bills to pay?

A Reddit user (27F) is grappling with a situation involving financial support for her father (59M), who has a history of neglecting his children but is now reliant on them for monthly allowances. Despite contributing significantly to his household’s needs, including gifts and essential items, the user has drawn a line when her father demanded more money just after Christmas.

In a moment of frustration, she stood her ground, explaining that her salary was allocated for bills. Her father reacted with anger, hurtful words, and threats, leading to further tension within the family. Now, the user wonders if she was wrong for prioritizing her own financial responsibilities.

‘ AITA ofr telling my father I have bills to pay?’

I’m a 27F from the Philippines, and my siblings (30F, 35F) and I financially support our father (59M) with a monthly allowance despite a difficult childhood. Our mom died when I was 6, and our dad left us with our grandmother, who passed away when I was 9. We had to move between relatives and often went without food. He prioritized supporting his siblings over us and started multiple families without our knowledge. My older sisters sacrificed their education to put food on our table and help with my education.

Though we’ve harbored resentment, we’ve learned to let it go, understanding that some adults are just children trying to navigate through life so maybe he was just lost. Now, we’ve achieved financial stability, and while inflation makes it tough, we agreed to provide a monthly allowance to our dad who is with his current (fourth) family, which includes three young kids (3 years, 1 year, and a baby). His partner is unemployed, and they rely on us.

We’ve tried helping them start businesses, but they mismanage funds. Despite frustrations, we adore the kids and contribute to their needs while also reminding them(father and partner) that they need a source of income as we have financial responsibilities to ourselves and our future too.

For Christmas, He asked for new appliances, groceries etc, which we happily obliged. Along with his monthly allowance, we spent ₱200,000+ on appliances, groceries, gifts, and five large balikbayan boxes of items for the kids, our father and his partner. We also sent an extra ₱40,000 for their Christmas feast. Altogether, we spent nearly a quarter of a million pesos in December.

However, my dad messaged our groupchat on my payday, demanding more money for christmas. I explained that my salary was allocated for bills and that I could send more on January 1st. He got angry and cussed at me, accusing me of being selfish, ungrateful, and petty, even threatening to throw away the balikbayan boxes when it arrives. He said hurtful things, including wishing I wasn’t his child.

My sisters stood by me, deciding to hold off on additional money until our usual dates (10th and 25th). Now, our group chat is chaotic. I feel unappreciated and heartbroken, especially since they didn’t even call on christmas and new year’s eve or let us see the kids. Was I wrong for prioritizing my bills and standing my ground? Now my sisters won’t send money either, and I worry the kids will suffer because of this..

More info: Balikbayan boxes: cartons sent within the Philippines, usually filled with food, toys, and household items. Our dad lives 16 hours away by land.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

KnightofForestsWild −  NTA Why are you giving him anything? He never supported you. His having an ejaculation 28 years ago isn’t reason to support him for more than maybe a “thank you I’m alive” meal once in your entire life. If you want to help the kids, pay their bills directly. Buy them stuff directly. Never ever send money.

JenninMiami −  YTA for supporting a grown ass man and his new wife and their kids. There’s 2 adults in their family that can provide for their children. He left you to starve as a child, why are you rewarding him for that? I don’t get it.

Poetryinsimplethings −  Ungrateful for what???!!! What should you be grateful for? Abandoning your kids??? You should be crazy not to cut him off. He is entitled to, greedy and selfish. I would block him and never send him another penny.. NTA.

QuoteComfortable1068 −  Sorry why aren t you No contact?

Sufficient_Princess −  NTA. I’ll preface this by saying I’m not apart of your culture. But my dad only wished me to not be his child once and i showed him what that looked like and kicked him out me and my mother’s apartment, I was 20 and in college. He has been staying with his mother ever since and is upset because he only gets the bare minimum. If someone you financially support acts like your dad, you gotta give them what they wished for and act like you’re not his child. In my opinion. He’s being m**ipulative and a**sive. But you have all the power.

No_Chemistry53 −  Why are you even sending this man anything? Threatening to throw away what you’ve sent them is mind bogglingly awful. A man that supposedly needs help doesn’t threaten to throw away said help. I wouldn’t be sending him anything ever again He left you with the b**lshit excuse of looking after his siblings but he started more families. This is not a man or a father. This is pathetic excuse for a human being.

Past-Needleworker627 −  lol being used and abused and belittled after helping yu need to know when to hang up the towel and the time is now my family is from the pi and full of beggars if yu don’t stop that s**t from the start this is how it spirals with them feeling entitled and yu being a petty bitter son/daughter hopefully yur in America and not the pi i definitely would stop sending funds if he can’t respect yu in general why should yu provide for him as yu said he has left multiple times and started multiple family so he obviously dose not give 2 shits about yu and will move on to the next daughter/son willing to provide lmao stop being exploited and used.

Tinkerpro −  I have a friend who is from the Phillipeans. She and several of her sisters immigrated to the U.S. years ago, her brothers went to Australia. There are 7 children in total. Her mom was demanding money and things all the time. And wanted cash for Christmas/birthday gifts. Her deceased husband was very well off, she was set for life, had a chauffeur and housekeeper.

When she got sick, the kids rallied, one daughter went back to coordinate care for mom (who to be honest, died within 6 months), all the kids made arrangements to rotate spending 2 weeks with mom so she wasn’t alone. Mom called my friend, said she needed money for doctor bills.

Friend sent some, called siblings to help pay doctor bills. On the day the one daughter was paying bills for mom and going through her office, Mom called my friend and said she needed to cash out her retirement accounts and send the money to mom – visiting daughter discovered mom had about 3 million US dollars in the bank, and was getting money from the various businesses dad had left.

I’m sorry your dad has done this. It seems to be a cultural thing, but to be honest there are parents all over the world who feel entitled and demand everything from their children. Don’t feel guilty. Stop the pattern, yes, prioritize your wellbeing.

CMeNaught −  Friend. Stop sending your father money. He’s an ungrateful a**hole, and — look. Usually, the rationale for supporting parents financially is that they supported you growing up. It’s a BAD reason because you didn’t ask to be born, and taking care of a child you choose to bring into the world is the bare minimum. If he were arguing that you owe him for raising you, I would say that was a bad argument.

But he can’t even say that! He DIDN’T raise you! He DIDN’T support you! He DIDN’T spend a bunch of money or time or effort on you! What exactly are you supposed to owe him now??? HE owes YOU, and instead he’s demanding that you subsidize the ADDITIONAL children that HE CHOSE to have! The entitlement on display here! The sheer brass balls!

How f**king dare he demand ANY money — let alone demanding MORE money after you already sent him an allowance AND spent on his Christmas. What the hell is he spending all this money on? And why is he entitled to live in luxury while you worry about having enough to pay your basic bills. You are being an a**hole to yourself. Stop sending him money.