AITA for telling my fiancé if I see her friend again I’m calling the cops.

A Redditor shares their frustrations with their fiancée, Erica, and her best friend, Leah. After months of Leah treating the home as her own and disrespecting boundaries—taking tools, alcohol, and even the OP’s golf clubs—the OP reached a breaking point. They told Erica that if they saw Leah in the house again, they would call the cops. Erica became upset, and now the OP is wondering if they were wrong for their ultimatum. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my fiancé if I see her friend again I’m calling the cops.?’

Me (29M) and Erica (27F) dated for 2 years and have been engaged the last 4 months. After we got engaged Erica moved into my house. I still pay the mortgage while she pays for utilities, Groceries and household items. After we get married the plan is to put her on the house so she gets equity as well.

Her friend Leah (27F) and her have been best friend since high school. I don’t particularly like Leah but have also been cordial as I know she’s gonna be in my life. My issue is Leah thinks of my home as hers. Couple examples…

She always brings her boyfriend over and he’s a sketchball. She talks to me in a very disrespectful way in my own house, like I’m a guest and she/Erica own it. One day I went out to my garage and some of my tools were missing. I checked my camera and Leah/BF were in my garage with Erica and took some tools with them.

I asked Erica and she said they were just borrowing and would return them. I had to reach out multiple times for them to finally return the tools weeks later. I have a nice wine/liquor collection and I was working late one Friday. While working I heard some clanking of bottles together.

Erica wasn’t home so I went out to see what was up. Leah was behind my bar. I asked what she was doing and she said that Erica told her it was okay to borrow a bottle of wine for her party and that she would pay it back. I told her no that wasn’t alright and to leave.

I asked Erica about this and she said “I don’t remember telling Leah she could take a bottle but I might have I don’t remember”. I told her at this point I wasn’t comfortable with Leah being in my house, Erica sorta understood but also blew me off.

Final straw came when I wanted to go hit some golf balls and my clubs were missing. I freaked out because i golf regularly and my clubs are my biggest investment. Went to check the camera again and Leah used my garage code and took the clubs. I blew up, called Erica and told her to get them back immediately.

Erica said Leah had asked for the garage code to grab some clothes from her closet and not my clubs. I threatened to call the police but Erica stopped me. Leah kept telling us that her boyfriend needed them for a work thing. I got them back almost 4 days after they were taken and they were dirty.

At this point I sat Erica down and told her that if I see Leah in my house again then I’m calling the cops, no discussion. Erica got upset saying that it’s her best friend and that wasn’t fair to do to her in our house. I said it’s a pattern and since Erica’s stuff isn’t affected she doesn’t care.

I said she can go over to Leah’s if she wants to see her. She said she can’t do this because Leah doesn’t like her apartment and Leah’s BF is always there which makes Erica uncomfortable. I’m now getting the silent treatment and getting called an AH but I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. AITA?

Edit: Update. I want to thank you all for the kind words and comments. I knew after reading the comments that it was time to come to a resolution. I decided to drive home from work and talk with Erica. When I showed up Leah’s car was parked in the drive. I went inside and they were watching tv.

I told Leah immediately to get out, she tried to argue but I told her if she didn’t then I’m calling the police. Erica tried to get pissy that I kicked her friend out but I said I’m done talking about Leah because at this point nothing is changing with that relationship. Sat Erica down and showed her this post.

20 minutes of reading later I asked her what she thought, she said “those people don’t understand our relationship or Leah”. I knew then that it was over. I asked her to hold out her hand and I took the ring off. She begged saying she is sorry and she’ll cut Leah off etc.

I told her I can’t even trust her with the garage code, how am I supposed to trust her as my wife. She’s locked herself in our room now. I’m in the kitchen packing up her things. I called her dad/mom telling them about what has happened and they were furious.

Leah is apparently banned from their house and has been since HS. I didn’t know this but her parents said it’s been like this since Hs. They are coming this weekend to get Erica and the stuff. I couldn’t be any happier than I am right now. A huge weight feels lifted off my shoulders.

I felt like if I never made this post I wouldn’t have ever seen how messed up my life had become. Sincerely thank you everyone. Can’t wait to take my clubs out and play a round now that I have more free time. Really excited to see what single life brings and can’t thank you all enough again.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

oksccrlvr −  Do not put this woman on the deed to your home. Heck, don’t marry her. You don’t have a Leah problem, you have a fiance problem. Time to move on, buddy.. NTA.

AppalachianEnvy −  Also, I would keep copies of the security footage, just in case, and change the garage code.

No-Recognition3929 −  NTA but are you sure you want to marry this woman? She’s either an i**ot for letting her friend rob you both or the two of them are in on something.

Unhappy-Coffee-1917 −  You are NTA *but* you are focusing on the wrong issue. You have a SO problem. Leah would never have had the chance of disrespecting you (not more that once at least) if your fiancée had done her job and put her in her place. Your fiancée has no respect for you and your property.

[Reddit User] −  Your girlfriend is TA for putting a literal t**ef over you. You have every right to call the police, and I’m actually shook that she’s not on your side on this!

firecrackergurl −  NTA. She literally stole from you. End of story.

handydandy2020 −  Careful. Once she’s on the deed she’s going to pull the “well it’s my house now too” s**t.. You KNOW it.

Southern-Physics6488 −  NTA: you’re being disrespected by all the people involved including your own partner, how bad will it get when she in on the papers? I’d be letting that wait a while till this situation sorts itself out. Your partner has a responsibility to put across healthy boundaries and it seems you’re having the p**s ripped right out you.

PugRexia −  NTA. This behavior is unacceptable and your fiancé is exhibiting some red flags of her own. She shouldn’t be allowing her friend to touch your possessions, she shouldn’t be dismissing your concerns and she shouldn’t be allowing others to disrespect you or violate your boundaries. She is also being obtuse and difficult when you are asking for a reasonable boundary.

1976Raven −  NTA, change the codes and keep all the footage. Your fiance is just as bad as her friend as she is allowing these things to happen by giving them access to your house. If things don’t change once the codes are changed then reconsider the relationship unless you don’t mind having your belongings gone through and taken when you’re not there.

It’s clear that setting boundaries in relationships can be challenging, especially when a third party is involved. Do you think the OP was justified in setting such strict boundaries with Leah, or did they overreact? How would you have handled the situation? Share your thoughts below!