AITA for leaving my babies inside by themselves

A Reddit user (20) shares their experience as a mother of 2-month-old triplets and the challenges of caring for them while feeling overwhelmed. In an attempt to take a breather, they step outside for a few minutes while the babies are crying, leaving them monitored with a camera.

When their fiancé comes home, he criticizes them for being neglectful, and his family joins in, making the Redditor question if they made a mistake. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for leaving my babies inside by themselves’

I (20) am a mother of triplets whom are only 2 months old. I never expected ever in my life that I’d be a mother to triplets so when I first became pregnant it was definitely the last thing in my mind. I’m home with my babies all day long and had to even transfer my education to online.

Sometimes I just need some fresh air especially when I can’t get them to stop crying and I find myself getting super frustrated to the point of tears, it’s honestly soo hard and the dad isn’t here to help as he’s ether at work or at school.

My fiance’s (24) parents rented us a main floor apartment so when I step outside I’m literally just sitting on the chair right beside the door plus I have a baby monitor step up in their room and it has a camera on it I can literally see them and hear them so if anything happened I’d be able to quickly get to them.

Being able to step outside for a few minutes to take a breather is really important to me because I start to have mini panic attacks when I can’t get them to stop crying and I get really frustrated because I just feel super o**rwhelmed, Being able to go outside just gives me a chance to clam down.

My fiance came home to me sitting outside while the babies were crying and freaked out on me calling me a horrible mom and a bunch of other names that I’m not gonna list here. He thinks that I was being super neglectful and putting the babies in harm way and even told his parents and now everyone seem to be really against me.

I grow up in the system my fiance’s family is the only family I have and ever known so it breaks my hurt that they are so upset with me but I really don’t think I was doing anything wrong or putting my babies in harm way but they seems to think otherwise. So here I am wondering if I should apologize for my actions or if I am the A-hole in this situation..

See what others had to share with OP:

Important-Lawyer-350 −  NTA. When I had my baby one of the things the nurses told me repetitively while in hospital and during the home visits is that if she is crying and I know she has been fed, she has a clean nappy on and she isn’t sick and I am getting stressed out its ok to go outside for a few minutes to just recollect myself.

Their exact words were “a crying baby is an alive baby”. They tell you this because it is better for a baby to be left to cry for a little while and the parents to get a breather, than for parents to wig out and hurt their babies in frustration.

This advice was so important. It allowed me to do what I needed to do without feeling guilty. And those few minutes really do help in those times when they won’t settle. And I had one, let alone if I had three. Edit: thanks for the awards and votes. I really hope OP sees she has nothing to feel guilty about and is doing a great job! ❤

CrimsonKnight_004 −  NTA – What you’re doing is preventing shaken baby syndrome. When the caregiver is o**rwhelmed, you need to step away for a few minutes to collect yourself and *breathe.* Center yourself, calm down, do what you need to do.

You’d only be an AH if you left them alone for long stretches of time, but it sounds like you only do it for short periods and monitor them when you do so. Nothing wrong with that. What does your fiancé do to help with the babies?

Ready_South_6727 −  Nta. They teach in parenting classes to step away if it’s overwhelming as long as baby ain’t gonna be harmed. Is the significant other just ignorant or just doesn’t care to step up his/her game to help?

namesaretoohardforme −  NTA. This fiance should be looking for ways to support you, not blame you.

ChiefTuk −  NTA. In fact, they are wrong. You’re seconds away from them. You have a monitor on them. They are as safe as if you were inside the house. Experts recommend taking a break when you’re at your wits end with a baby that won’t stop crying for no immediate reason.

It won’t cause any long term harm & shaken baby syndrome often occurs when a parent can’t or won’t walk away from a crying baby when they’re frustrated & exhausted. Many babies need to cry themselves to sleep. They learn to self soothe after a few months.. 

petunia-pitbull −  NTA- you are being a GOOD parent by recognising when you are reaching a breaking point and taking a moment to yourself.
Your partner and their family are being ridiculous.

Everyone needs a moment alone away from their babies, 5-10 mins alone is nothing. Once the babies are in a safe environment, fed and cleaned there is absolutely no harm in walking away for a few moments breathing space.

Diligent-Activity-70 −  The whole purpose of the baby monitor is so that you can leave the babies in a room on their own. Being just outside the apartment door is no big deal (says a grandmother)

It sounds like you are o**rwhelmed. You need some help with the babies from time to time. Either the father needs to be home more or his family should help out. One baby is a lot, three have you completely outnumbered.. NTA

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Honestly, you are REALLY young and having one newborn for anyone, let alone at your age is hard, without being 3. I think it is time to enlist help. Reach out to your doctor. Often health insurance offers newborn care, particularly in the case of multiples.

Even if it’s just for a couple of hours per day, you need a break. Reach out to friends and family. Reach out to your local college with an early childhood education program. Many colleges with early childhood programs offer sitting, parents as teachers programs, etc for a discount. Or they can at least refer you to a part time nanny.

Being constantly o**rwhelmed is not healthy for you and could be dangerous for those babies. You might want to ask your doctor to refer you to a physiologist to evaluate you for port parts depression. Your fiance needs to get a grip and realize that at some point, 3 crying infants is too much for one person to handle alone.

And with multiples, who tend to be born early, they are going to be behind slightly on milestones. Just know that 8 weeks is about “breaking point” for most new parents. It’s about the time when colic hits its peak,

appetite increases and babies start becoming a little more aware of their surroundings…but just when you think you can’t take it anymore….it’s about the time they start sleeping through the night.. Hang in there, mama.

TCTX73 −  NTA, you aren’t neglecting them, you’re taking a breather when you’re o**rwhelmed. That’s actually keeping you from being a “bad mom”. You need help, though. One baby is a lot to deal with, three is too much solo all the time.

Sometimes people have expectations on women that the moment we give birth we automatically become Super Mom and will be perfect at it. That’s not reality. We’re human, we have our limits and need help. You’re doing good, you’re taking breaks before you hit breakdown. Hugs to you!

ReviewOk929 −  “baby monitor step up in their room and it has a camera on it”. NTA you are being responsible by monitoring them but also doing the right thing for your mental health. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for this.

Is the Redditor wrong for stepping outside for a few minutes to calm down, or is their fiancé’s concern justified? Share your thoughts below!