AITA for telling my mother that I’ll never fully love my sister?

A Reddit user opens up about their complicated feelings toward their younger sister, who was born after their estranged father re-entered their life. While they love their sister, they struggle with feelings of resentment toward their father, believing he came back just to “start over” with a new child. When they tried sharing these feelings with their mother, it led to a heated argument, threats, and more tension. Did the user overstep by voicing these feelings, or are their emotions valid given the situation? Read the story below.

‘ AITA for telling my mother that I’ll never fully love my sister?’

For context: My parents had me when they were in high school. Personally I don’t think that they were prepared for a child, but they decided to keep me. When I was young, my father left our lives, and I still don’t fully know why. I just know it was a mutual understanding, and there was no court involvement, so I’ve never had much closure. Then, 13 years later, he suddenly comes back into the picture. I was obviously confused and felt like it was too late.

I’d been fine without him, and I didn’t need him, but I eventually accepted him. Shortly after, my parents got back together, my mom had another baby with him- a girl. I love her. she’s sweet, innocent, and I want the best for her. But deep down, I can’t shake this resentment about the circumstances of her birth. I feel like my father came back into my life just to start over with her. What about me? He’s just going to waltz back into my life and then get a retry with a new kid?

What about me? Thats why don’t think I’ll ever be able to have a “normal” relationship with my sister, because I can’t escape those feelings of resentment and anger towards my father. Tonight, I tried to talk to my mom about how I was feeling. I wanted her to understand that my feelings aren’t about my sister—I love her, but the situation just feels so complicated. Instead of hearing me out, my mom exploded.

She started attacking me, saying things like how badly she raised me, and even threatening to kick me out. She won’t consider my suggestion of therapy, won’t listen to my texts, and now I’m left feeling even more alone. I’m worried that if she follows through on her threats, I’ll have nowhere to turn. What about my future? I need to go to school and I have a job I want to keep! So, AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

North_Cabinet_9981 −  Your sister did nothing wrong don’t hate her for something she didn’t do or cause… Ya dumb for even thinking like this shame on you.

Disneylover-4837 −  NAH. Both you and your mom need therapy I think. I’m sorry this happened to you, I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like. I do hope you are able to have a good relationship with your sister though. From your mom’s reaction, I think maybe she is feeling guilty? Or maybe she is stressed and unsure how to move forward. It is hard for a parent to accept that one child feels resentment and possibly won’t fully love their sibling. So maybe she feels inadequate and is lashing out as a result? Idk… just an idea.

My suggestion? Give her some time to cool off. And maybe you can try approaching it again only this time approach it from a different angle. Maybe say that you love your dad but you are struggling with him leaving in the first place for so long.

Maybe say that you just want therapy to avoid long term issues, as a preventative measure rather than something to get after something happens. This might not be the full truth, but if you approach it from an angle that doesn’t involve your sister, maybe she will be willing to work with you. Then you can work with your therapist.. Best of luck.

Certain-Business-632 −  Info : how old are you now? Regardless of age: NTA. You clearly have been dealt a bad hand of cards. You need therapy yesterday and so do your parents. While it is true that what feels permanent now mat not actually last your whole life, you need and space to process all that happened and that apparent replacement. Can you access help through school? (Hence the age question). Also if your mum threatens to throw you out, start planning plan B. Can you reach out to family or friends if needs be? Can you start putting money aside for a future apartment?

bishopredline −  I just read a similar situation but only they were step kids… sorry I’m not believing this.

TheSanDiegoChimkin −  I’m gonna be crude about this. You need to pull the stick out of your ass about your sister and replace it with a stick about your parents instead. She didn’t do anything to you. All she wants is a stable household same as you, and what she has is an older sister who won’t love her because of something her dad did. Do some introspection and see if you can rationalize how to direct your ire towards targets that deserve it.

scotty813 −  You mother’s reaction was driven by guilt. Give her time to cool down and try to talk to her again. BTW, have you ever asked her/them to explain the circumstances of him leaving? I think that is probably important.

Wolfay03 −  NTA you’re not TA for feeling that way. You feel contempt for your parents which is understandable and it’s also understandable that some of that seeps into the relationship with your sister but your sister is not responsible for that. Hopefully you’re not treating your sister differently cause of your parents. You and your parents need therapy though, family, individual and couples.

EternalHomesick −  NTA. Your mom was wrong for exploding, and its clear she cant emphasize with you. Although, i dont think you will feel that way about your sister forever, sure you wont have a bond with her as ‘normal siblings’ but you definitely will have A bond, its ok that you will internally always think she has had better circumstances as you and tour parents did mess up.

Its just the reality of the situation, i think your mom lashed out because she misunderstood everything you said and interpreted it as if you despised your sister or something. Maybe adress that and try to bond with your sister IN FRONT of your parents so they dont kick you out.

im_probably_running −  NTA. You’re getting to an age where you are really able to see that people have tons of shades of gray in them-it seems your mother sees things a little more black and white.

As someone who experienced a similar situation (bio dad got sober for his step kids and my youngest half sibling-but pretends my sister and I don’t exist)-therapy will help you to hold both truths-that you can love both your father and sister, but also feel pangs of resentment and pain. It’s okay to have these feelings-but also recognize you may be a bit more emotionally mature than your mother. Therefore she may not be a fully safe person to share these complex emotions with.