AITA for embarrassing my FIL after I repeatedly asked him to explain his joke to me?

A Reddit user shares a tense family gathering where her fiancé’s father made an inappropriate joke about her past as an escort, suggesting her unborn child might resemble someone else in the family.

Instead of letting it slide, she repeatedly asked him to explain the joke, leading to an awkward confrontation and her fiancé’s father leaving the room. Now, her fiancé’s family is pressuring her to apologize, claiming she overreacted. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for embarrassing my FIL after I repeatedly asked him to explain his joke to me?’

I (27F) used to be an ”*escort*” (h\*oker) from 18 until I was 23, I’m not proud of it but I also don’t give a f**k because I did what I had to do to keep studying and a roof over my head. That’s how I met my now fiancé (37M) tho he was never my client.

We began to date when I was 25 and three or four months after that his BIL ”exposed me” (no idea how he found out) because *there’s no way my fiancé knew* and thus we had to come clean in front of his whole family. Yes I did that. Yes he knows. Yes he doesn’t care. It was 2 years ago (at that time), we got over it.

After that there was a span of 3-4 months in were my MIL and some of my fiancés aunts and cousin ”police” their husband when I was around, it was really weird tbh because this dudes were like 40-60yo and I wasn’t that desperate, so my fiancé shut their b**lshit hard and even when his family still gives me the side eye from time to time, we thought it was behind us.

He proposed last year and five months ago we found out that I was pregnant, we were really happy about it and we told his family as soon as we knew. His sisters and young brother were happy for us, but his mom took me aside and *begged* me to be honest with her and asked if this was really my fiancés child,

I was taken aback but I just rolled my eyes and said yes, she gave me some s**tty speech about how ”she only wanted to make sure” and that ”she was happy to be a grandmother”. Well, last weekend we were at his parents with his family and some of his friendsand we were talking about the name, how he might look

(small talk, we will love him regardless but there’s always some ”*Oh I hope he gets your nose!*” ”*mmh I like your eyes, I hope he gets them*” comments) and my FIL said that he and his children have a birthmark in the inner tight and that even his grandchildren (one of my SIL’s kids) got them, so our baby might too,

and then he said ”But how can we know from who he got it? it may as well be from me, my boy or my brothers” and he and his brothers began to laugh. My fiancé got mad and before he could say anything I said ”I don’t get it” and my FIL was ”yeah because it runs in the family” and I said again ”I don’t get it, why would he get it from you?”

and he began to get nervous and said ”because you know… it’s just a joke OP” and I said ”but I don’t get it and you all laughed, explain” it got to the point that some of his friends said ”hey, it’s not funny” so he he excused himself and left.

Later my fiancé’s BIL came to me and said that I was wrong for embarrassing him like that in his own house and that I knew what the joke was about and *because of my past*, I shouldn’t be surprised. Now they’re all demanding that I apologize to my FIL.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

suchahotmess −  You know you’re NTA. They’re s**ually harassing you, aggressively, in a family setting. Honestly I would have added “it sounds like you’re implying that we’ve had s**, and I don’t understand why that’s a joke you’d make to your daughter in law.” FIL clearly knows he’s wrong. I say push back as hard as you can.

MiruTheSloth −  NTA. FIL literally made a joke about *him or other men from the family impregnating you*. How that would make *you* the a**hole is beyond me. How does one even get to crossing that kind of line? Wtf!

Edit: I’d like to add that I was under the impression that jokes are supposed to be funny. I’d like FIL to explain to us not only the “joke” he made but the way jokes work in general. Where’s the setup? What’s the punchline?

tealcandtrip −  NTA. Look blank and continue to ask for an explanation. I don’t understand. Why should I apologize? How did I embarrass him about the the joke he chose to tell? What was the joke about? Why was he embarrassed?

He insulted me? How? Why do you think I should apologize for that? Make them all explain their s**t and think carefully about how much you want these people in your kids like.

ladancer22 −  So… if I’m reading this correctly…. Your FIL is insinuating that HE slept with you… right?? Like I don’t even get that as a jibe at you? That just makes him look gross and creepy. He’s saying that your kid could possibly be *his*. I’m so confused.

I get the gross remarks about not knowing who the father is or the women “policing” their husbands (again super disrespectful, gross, disgusting, rude, all the things but at least I *understand* what they’re insinuating there). I don’t even understand the insult here.

Your FIL is just like “well that kid could be mine cause she and I slept together”???? I’m so confused??? Like I genuinely don’t understand. You’re NTA. This entire family is ridiculously disrespectful to you, your husband, and their own husbands/sons and apparently themselves too??? Idk This whole family is just gross in all the ways

TimisAllia −  Your FIL should apologize to YOU as should all of them. You did absolutely the right thing. You kept your cool in a moment that others were being n**ty and offensive to you.

If explaining his ‘joke’ made him so uncomfortable that he had to leave, then clearly it’s him and his joke that was the problem not you.. NTA. PS: I love this strategy and have used it to good effect myself.

Old_Mintie −  NTA. This is EXACTLY how you deal with this kind of situation. Bravo OP. And frankly, BIL needs to go p**s in the wind, because he’s clearly a judgmental AH regarding you and your past. For the record, your FIL embarrassed himself.

What a terrible host to say something like that to a guest, future DIL and mother of his grandchild. And just because you’re family (or future family), doesn’t mean the good hosting rules go out the window.

Last, regarding all the crap you’ve been getting from the family, good on you for letting it roll off your back, but it needs to stop now, before the baby comes. You may be adult enough to recognize it for what it is, but a child isn’t.

The last thing you guys need to deal with is a tearful child wondering why Grandma/Grandpa/Uncle keeps telling them Daddy isn’t their daddy, and OMG WHY ARE YOU SO SENSITIVE IT WAS A JOKE YOUR PARENTS NEED TO RAISE YOU BETTER.

JenL4010 −  NTA. And I wouldn’t apologize. That was unacceptable. He was trying to embarrass you and got the tables turned. He should have just been a gentleman and never even made the “joke”. On a side note, I would try to move away from these people.

They are never going to treat your child the same as their others and they will grow up hearing the snickering. There is nothing wrong with what you’ve done however I would not want my child to be treated differently because of it and these people are just not evolved enough to be trusted to act right.

gkmdc9 −  NTA– Don’t you dare apologize– you handled that like a champ! Maybe he’ll think twice next time before embarrassing himself in front of the family again.

JurassicPark-fan-190 −  NTA—but I’m don’t get it either. Is he implying you’ve fucked him and all his sons? If so that’s fuxking gross. I worry your kid is going to be dragged into this and told about that stuff you did( honestly they need to get over your past).

Andante79 −  NTA, and they can all f**k off (except fiancé). You handled that beautifully, and *you* didn’t embarrass FIL, he did that all on his own.

Do you think the Reddit user was justified in calling out the inappropriate joke, or should she have let it go to avoid tension at a family gathering? How would you handle a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!