AITA for telling my husband to throw the breakfast away because he kept complaining about how he didn’t want it?

A woman cooked breakfast for her picky-eater husband, but he repeatedly complained about the meal and eventually demanded a divorce during the argument. The husband, who has a history of yelling and blaming her for his poor mental health and eating habits, later apologized, blaming his behavior on medication changes.

However, she’s questioning whether she’s at fault for escalating the situation by refusing to cook for him when he started complaining. Is she in the wrong for standing her ground and prioritizing her well-being? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my husband to throw the breakfast away because he kept complaining about how he didn’t want it?’

I’m 26F and my husband is 29M and food has been a constant stressor in our household. My husband is a super picky eater and he’s been eating out everyday 3 times a day the last few months due to his mental health and McDonald’s and KFC makes him feel good.

We both agreed that it’s not really good for his health or the wallet so I’ve been trying my best to cook food that’s appealing to him. He usually eats a breakfast burger at McDonald’s. I’ve seen him eat Turkish bread rolls with bacon and eggs too.

Yesterday we went to Woolies together as he wanted lollies and snacks and I picked out Turkish bread, bacon, spinach and breakfast Patties for breakfast today. At the checkout he said he didn’t want the breakfast items as they were fatty and he’s trying to be healthy.

I asked what he was going to eat then and he said he was going to eat rice and egg at home. I said that’s fine just ask the lady at the checkout to take the items as we didn’t pay yet. It was a bit busy and he didn’t want to wait so he said wanted the breakfast items.

I then took the items to make him breakfast as he said he’s hungry. Then he said the bacon I chose was “gross” cause it was maple flavoured. He then made a scene and said he didn’t want breakfast. He said he never wanted it and he’s just eating it cause we bought it. I told him why did you buy it then? I told him if he was upset about throwing it away, I can eat it later and he can just eat McDonald’s.

He started calling me names and saying I was barking like a dog. I got upset and went upstairs. Then he told me to come back downstairs and finish cooking it. And at this point I was writing this post. And when I came downstairs he said he wanted a divorce so I went back upstairs. Then he said he was sorry so I came back downstairs and he started complaining and saying I never cook for 5 years of our marriage which is why he needs to keep eating McDonald’s.

Which is completely false. I cook every single day. I used to cook a lot of food for both of us but the last few weeks he didn’t eat any of it and I threw out a whole tray of lasagna because it was “too cheesy” I threw out a whole bowl of spaghetti because it was “not flavourful enough”.

I made burrito bowls and he “didn’t like the chicken” I made it again with different spices and he ate it yesterday. I made a whole butterflied grilled chicken with spices, bread, salad which he ate last night too.

Now he took a photo of my coffee cup right before he yelled at me to make breakfast which I didn’t wash because he was yelling at me. Now he’s yelling at me telling me he wants to divorce and I’m making him go crazy and it’s my fault he takes drugs I’m an AH etc. wth And now he’s going to McDonald’s and threw it away.

Edit: thank you for all the advice everyone has given me so far. I’ve been feeling pretty down this whole day and just came back to reddit this arvo. I’ve been out the whole day at the shops just window shopping to take my mind off things

Edit: hi reddit fam, I’ve been staying away the last few days and he’s been really upset and apologetic. I told him I’m smarter than that and I rely on actions not words. I told my parents about what’s happening, they said i have bad luck as I’ve wasted 5 years with him and it would be hard to get remarried.

They said “he’s never been physically a**sive, he doesn’t cheat, he’s kind for the most part but he has issues with mental health and OCD, issues with food so its hard” generally he makes me coffee every morning and used to cook for us and does the laundry and cleans. He works as well and tries to please me in that way. But I told him that calling me names is a deal breaker.

His parents have been upset too by his actions and have reached out and said they apologise for his behaviour too. There was a comment that my in laws are dangerous. I don’t think so, they’re sweet people and treat me like a daughter but didn’t raise their kids right, they’re too chill.

I read that book someone suggested about a**sive partners and explained to my husband that he’s a**sive and he agreed that how he acted was wrong and a**sive. He blamed it on how he had recently changed medication. He was previously abusing benzos prescribed to him due to depression.

Now he’s stopped them and it’s making him angry. I told him that’s not an excuse to be a**sive. I told him I didn’t want to live with someone like that when I’m 70 yrs old… I think this really opened his eyes. I also have stopped trying to conceive after this incident. I’ve always wanted to have a family.

The issue is in my culture I’m considered no longer marriageable as if I get divorced it’s a big deal. If I marry outside my culture my parents and family would disown me. Really sucks being a woman in my community. Even though I’m young, friendly and fit, I have a job and no bad habits, it sucks that now I will have difficulty finding a new husband.

Sometimes I wish I was born in a different culture. My SIL remarried as her ex was a c**ater etc and financially a**sive and it took her 10 yrs to find someone new. Her new husband is also a**sive but she wanted children before 40… idk what to say or what the best option is in my life.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

JMarie113 −  Give him the divorce. Why tolerate that? Surely, there are actual adults out there you could marry.

pixie-ann −  NTA why is your lazy, selfish, a**sive husband not cooking for himself? Why does he think he can get away with treating you so horribly? I’d take him up on his offer of a divorce. Why would you want to stay with him? What is he doing to improve his mental health and be a less horrible human?

emryldmyst −  Ffs just divorce him. You’ll be happier. 

Itchy_Lingonberry_11 −  He’s not a picky eater he’s an a**sive slob. I honestly don’t know anyone that isn’t stoked when someone puts the effort in to cook for them. NTA.

shammy_dammy −  Why did you marry a toddler?

MadameAllura −  Y T A for putting yourself through this. Get away from him.

Fantastic_13 −  Drugs! Get out of this toxic situation now! He has a lot of issues!

Competitive_Chef_188 −  INFO: did you know he was a manchild before you married him or did he fool you? As far as divorce, I’d say “don’t threaten me with a good time” 😆. NTA, but leave him…yesterday

Individual_Ebb3219 −  Divorce him. Before his health rapidly deteriorates, because eating like that so often is a quick ticket to terrible health problems and early d**th.

ChanceKnowledge1222 −  There is so much wrong with your relationship. Get rid of him and find an actual grownup.

When does a partner’s mental health struggles stop justifying harmful behavior? Is it reasonable for someone to set boundaries when they’re being treated unfairly, even if their partner is going through a hard time? Share your thoughts below!