My wife quit her job

A man shared how his wife’s decision to quit her job after they refinanced their home has placed immense financial strain on their family. Once making a combined $200k, their household income dropped to $120k when she quit to be a “more involved mom.” Two years later, they’re burning through savings, and he’s convinced she has no intention of returning to work. She gets defensive whenever he brings it up, leaving him feeling frustrated and stuck. Read the original story below.

‘ My wife quit her job’

A couple of years ago, my wife and I were making a combined $200k. In April 2021, she pushed for refinancing our home, which, at the time, was manageable with our income. I voiced concerns that if either of us lost our job, the higher payments could put us in a tough spot. But in the end, I gave in, and our monthly payment doubled.

Fast forward to the end of 2022, and she decided to quit her job, cutting our income nearly in half. I earn $120k now, and while that’s decent, it’s a far cry from what we were working with before. Two years later, we’re still living off savings to cover the gap, and the pressure is building.

She insists she left her job to become a more involved mom, but her actions don’t reflect that. We have a 6- and a 10-year-old, yet she frequently passes them off to our parents whenever possible. I’ve tried discussing our financial situation with her, but every time I bring it up, she gets angry and defensive. I’m beginning to feel like she simply doesn’t want to work, and it’s putting our family’s future at risk.

I’m at my wit’s end. I love my family, but the financial stress and her refusal to meet me halfway are exhausting.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation?
How do you approach a partner who refuses to return to work despite financial strain? Is there a way to have this conversation without it turning into a fight? Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

ZookeepergamePrize96 −  NTA. Tell her marriage counseling is a requirement.

GoatAmbitious8208 −  NTA. 🚩🚩🚩 MAJOR red flags here, my dude. She convinced you to refinance knowing she was planning to quit? That’s straight up financial manipulation. And now she’s not even being a stay-at-home mom like she claimed – she’s dumping the kids on your parents?

Your wife is essentially forcing you to subsidize her lifestyle while depleting your savings. This isn’t a partnership anymore, it’s p**asitic. My guy, you need to have a come-to-Jesus talk with her. Set a deadline for her to either get a job or agree to couples counseling. Document everything in case things go south – especially how often she pawns the kids off on your parents instead of actually parenting.

RepublicUnusual −  I caught her stealing money from our kids savings account a couple months ago too

Afraid-Put8165 −  In the divorce case she is going to argue you allowed her to quit to be a stay at home mom. I hope you have documents to prove your position. Be prepared for life altering child and spousal support.

NXV946 −  NTA did you refinance and take money out? If so, this was her plan.

THEconstipatedDRAGON −  Lawyer, she’s gonna run the financial into the ground

RepublicUnusual −  The kicker. She has definitely made more money than me during our 12 year marriage. She presented me with a graph of how much we’ve each made each year telling me she deserved a break. Meanwhile, I work 60 hours a week to keep the house together

SavingsSensitive3796 −  Sell the house. Downgrade to one you can afford with one salary. Cut all unnecessary spending and give her a small monthly budget for food only. Heck. Order the food yourself and you handle all monies. She wants to get her nails, hair, paid for? Get. A. Job! Her “image” of the big house and all the other bs can go right out the window

MikeReddit74 −  Time for a good divorce lawyer.

RepublicUnusual −  She spent the first year on a bender with the neighbors

How would you handle this situation? Is he justified in feeling frustrated, or should he be more understanding of his wife’s desire to focus on parenting? What’s the right balance between financial responsibility and family priorities? Share your thoughts below!