I feel as if my (27f) husband (30m) is a bit too friendly with my best friend (28f), but I’m not sure if this is my own jealousy that I need to work on. How do I approach this situation?

A Reddit user (F/27) is feeling uncomfortable with her husband (M/30) becoming very friendly with her best friend (F/28), Hailey. While she understands Hailey’s open marriage dynamics and has no issue with it, the Redditor feels her husband has become overly close to Hailey, even going out for drinks with her on Christmas Eve without informing her.

Additionally, her husband gave Hailey their son’s inhaler without consulting her, and plans to watch a movie with Hailey without considering her. She’s unsure if her feelings are a sign of jealousy she needs to address or if there’s a legitimate concern. Read the original story below for more context.

‘ I feel as if my (27f) husband (30m) is a bit too friendly with my best friend (28f), but I’m not sure if this is my own jealousy that I need to work on. How do I approach this situation?’

I need some advice. I’m not sure if this is my own issues I need to work through or whether this is a genuine problem that needs addressed. I’ve got a friend, I’ll call her Hailey. I’ve known Hailey for nearly 10 years, and she was my maid of honour at my wedding. Her and her husband (28m) are in an open marriage. Though they’re not poly per say, they do have relations with approved people in their marriage.

It’s not really for me but if it works for them, then that’s their business. I feel as if over the last few months, my husband and Hailey have become very overly friendly. My husband was generally indifferent to her up until he realised himself and Hailey play the same games and watch the same TV shows. Suddenly she’s all he talks about, and who he wants to hang out with.

I wouldn’t have an issue with this, until the other night. She snapchatted him, personally inviting him out for drinks which I was a little upset about not getting an invite as I’ve recently discussed how I’m feeling a little depressed as I struggle still with PND 2 years on (in therapy for), and because we’ve got a toddler, we both can’t go out.

He went out drinking with her and her husband on Christmas eve, and I stayed home sorting out the Christmas dinner for the next day and tending to our toddler. I didn’t mind so much as he said he’d only be an hour, two hours max, however it got to nearly midnight and I hadn’t heard anything from him. I rang him to find out if he’d be coming home but didn’t get an answer. Our toddler was getting fussy, and I still had the slow cooker to sort out, so needless to say I was annoyed.

He got home nearly 1am, and proclaimed that Hailey took his phone because she didn’t want him to go home. Her husband vouched for this but I was extremely annoyed as he was unreachable and if there had been an emergency with our son, I wouldn’t had been able to get hold of him.

Which brings us to a couple of days ago when he invited Hailey and her husband to play some games on boxing day. She’s asthmatic and says that she’s ran out of her inhaler, and without a second thought, my husband offers her OUR SON’S inhaler which she took home.

He says he didn’t mean to let her take it home, but didn’t stop her from putting it in her bag. I was upstairs tending to our son once again and didn’t get to join in the games, so I didn’t know about the inhaler until yesterday.

Our son is asthmatic, though normally he doesn’t need his inhaler but when he has a cold, he really struggles without one. Currently he has no cold but he is due back at nursery next week so I now need another prescription for him.

Talking about films coming up in 2025, and the first thing my husband says is ‘chainsaw man is coming out, I can go with Hailey’ when I asked why not me, he says I’ve never watched chainsaw man, which is true, and I did initially think he was talking about another movie, but it was a blow a little that he didn’t think about anything we could’ve gone to see together.

When I asked him if there was something we could see, he said ‘well no because one of us will have to watch our son’, which again is true but my parents have always offered to watch him for the day if we wanted to do something.

I know I’m letting my feelings get in the way, but I don’t want to come across as controlling and I’m not sure if these thoughts are valid or if I’m over thinking.. Any advice would be appreciated.

Edit: thank you everyone for the advice. I’ve had an overwhelming amount of responses that I didn’t think I would get so I’m slowly reading through it and I am taking it into consideration. I’ve been sorting out dinner for new year’s for my family so I’ve not had a chance to have a proper sit down conversation with him, but now I know I’m not overreacting feeling this way, I can talk to my husband about this and then see what happens depending on the outcome of the conversation

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

haveanotherpringle −  Your best friend of 10 years is inviting your husband out without you, taking his phone so he can’t contact you, and taking your kids inhaler…girl. Wake up please. 

wishingforarainyday −  Check their messages. He could be playing third in their marriage.. Hailey is not your friend.. Updateme

Mysterious_Book8747 −  “Babe I’m no longer comfortable with being relegated to the position of babysitter while you date my best friend. You may not realize it but that’s what’s happened the past month. You’ve spent more time and energy dating her than the wife you made vows to and it’s not OK. Time for you to be aware and course correct.”

ssddalways −  Nope what we shouldn’t be doing is giving the husband excuses while vilifing the woman friend. Yes she’s out of order but f**k me so is the husband and these comments basically saying he’s a silly little man who doesn’t know better are nuts, quit making pathetic excuses for this grown ass man.

Your husband should never have left on Christmas eve, regardless of the invite and who invited him he should have said naw, I spend this time with my family. You have a husband problem here and of course a friend problem but mainly a husband problem.

Stop meaning meek and sit your man down and explain his actions are appropriate and he’s shirking his parental and husband duties. He’s a grown ass adult who is making the decisions here.

Decent_Custard1786 −  Who steals a child’s medication? wtf? Your friend and husband s**k

Typical_Nebula3227 −  Yeah I would be shutting that crap down. Don’t let him treat you like you’re the side chick in your own marriage.

ImaginaryPie7696 −  Your friend Hailey is a b****. She is not respecting you or your marriage at all

waifumama −  Oh hell no. No way is my husband going out with my supposed best friend in an open relationship out for drinks without me while I stay home with our toddler. My husband wouldn’t even suggest such a ridiculous thing. You need to have a serious talk with your husband and your friend, both of them are acting beyond inappropriate.

brainwise −  Hailey has poor boundaries and so does your husband; I would speak to both of them.

LincolnHawkHauling −  The most disturbing part of this story is the husband gave away his toddlers inhaler and Hailey didn’t just take it, she didn’t even return it so now OP has to get a new one before an emergency happens.

Do you think the Redditor’s feelings are based on valid concerns, or is this a case of jealousy that needs to be worked through? How would you handle a situation where your partner’s growing friendship with someone else makes you feel uncomfortable? Share your thoughts below!