I think My 30M girlfriend 45 F is my personal assistant now

A Reddit user (M/30) feels like his girlfriend (F/45) has unintentionally become his personal assistant rather than a partner. While she is unemployed and between jobs, she takes on a significant number of tasks around the house, including managing his schedule, organizing his inbox, and even laying out his clothes.

Initially, he thought her actions were thoughtful, but now he feels overwhelmed by the micromanagement. He seeks advice on how to address the issue without coming off as rude. Read the original story below for the full update.

‘ I think My 30M girlfriend 45 F is my personal assistant now’

UPDATE: I think My 30M girlfriend 45 F is my personal assistant now. My 30M girlfriend 45 F is between jobs right now, and while I totally support her taking time for herself, I feel like I’ve accidentally hired her as my personal assistant.

I met my girlfriend 2 years ago on tinder. She moved straight in. She was unemployed at this point after losing her job at the cinema for some obscure reason and has sort of given up with her job search it seems. I’ve given up trying to push her to get a job. So now she’s basically my housewife/personal assistant. Only she doesn’t clean or cook.

Every morning, I wake up to a to-do list that includes “Buy groceries,” “Call the plumber,” “Don’t forget to stretch” (??). She lays out my clothes for me to wear for the day. She makes the bed while I’m still in it. I’m no high flyer, i work from home making sales calls.

At first, I thought it was cute. Like, oh, she’s just being thoughtful. But now? It’s starting to feel like I’ve got a full-time staff member. I even found her going through my email, unsubscribing me from newsletters I didn’t even know I was subscribed to. She’s literally organizing my inbox. I didn’t ask for this level of micromanagement.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I’m starting to feel like I need to hire a therapist just to deal with her “suggestions” on my life. I’ve tried casually mentioning that I can handle my own schedule, but then she gives me a “look” and I end up with a sticky note reminder to “Have a productive day!” How do I tell her that I don’t need her to do these things without sounding like I’m being rude?

UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who commented and gave HELPFUL advice. I feel like I’m ready to go to war. Thanks for the motivation. Your tough love has helped me see the light. To all the people who think I’m a joke and find my siuation funny – i hope you never end up in my position.

I will be confronting my girlfriend tonight and laying down the law once and for all. It’s time things changed around here. There’s a new sheriff in town and he ain’t taking any more BS!

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

marxam0d −  She’s 15 years older than you and can’t keep a job… either accept you’ve got a leech or move her out.

randomdemo −  Come on, you moved her right in unemployed and she’s tried to just become housewife so she can stay that way and you not push her to get a job. She had and has no intention of working

BelmontIncident −  Put a password on your computer and give her a to-do list that reads “Get a job and stop trying to manage me”

Expensive_Visual_594 −   Between jobs at 45 years old? What are you doing?????? She is not looking for a man she’s looking for her ticket; income; sucker; sugardaddy; whatever you want to call it. 

trayC-lou −  Why on earth would you let her move straight in when you barely even knew her..…it’s time to be a big boy and tell her stop this s**t and get a job or leave

breadcrumbedanything −  Why isn’t she buying groceries and calling the plumber? Seriously though, you need to talk to her about the fact that she needs to start paying bills and rent.

Glittering-Grape6028 −  You don’t have a personal assistant. You have a new mommy who is telling you what to do everyday.

Theunpolitical −  I’m sorry, what? She’s 45 years old and got fired from a movie theater? I’m embarrassed for her! Look dude, she’s just using you for a free place and food. She’s sort of a squatter and wants to make certain that your work is top notch because if you lose your job, she’s screwed! At the same time, she sees you as easy bait.

She moved in right away? That is a red flag. She’s taken advantage of your kindness for too long and she is too old for this type of behavior. Please tell her that you need to live apart!

draftvader −  Yeah, a carnival of red flags. Get out.

stupidpplontv −  “we need to talk. i notice you put a lot of effort into helping me be more productive, and on a level I do appreciate it, but it’s starting to feel like you’re doing it because you don’t have your own thing to focus on. what I need is a partner who works. i didn’t sign up for a housewife. it’s important to me that you don’t lose yourself trying to anticipate all my needs. what are your plans to get a job?”. them give her a timeframe

Do you think the Redditor’s feelings are justified, or is his girlfriend simply trying to be helpful in a difficult time? How would you handle a situation where your partner’s actions start to feel overbearing? Share your thoughts below!