My (26M) pregnant fiancée (25F) is not aware of her condition?

A 26-year-old man is concerned about his fiancée (25F), who is four months pregnant, due to her unpredictable and sometimes reckless behavior. While the couple had planned to have children, her spontaneous actions, such as considering bungee jumping during pregnancy, have raised concerns. Despite speaking to her about his worries, she insists on maintaining her adventurous personality, leaving him uncertain about how to approach the situation.

‘ My (26M) pregnant fiancée (25F) is not aware of her condition?’

Hey Reddit. My (26m) fiancée (25f) and I recently found out she’s four months pregnant. It was unplanned, but we wanted to have kids anyway and a**rtion, which wasn’t even on the table, was out of the question at the time.

Unfortunately, my fiancée is quite unpredictable and sometimes reckless. When we first met, I thought it was really great and exciting because she was/is so spontaneous and adventurous.

But now that she’s pregnant, I’m quite worried. Recently she’s been talking about flying somewhere next week to go bungee jumping. Various other things have also been mentioned and this is really just an example.

Her job is very flexible and has always allowed her to decide in the morning, for example, that she wants to fly to another country. She has done the latter really often. She is really erratic when it comes to making decisions and rarely involves me. Unless we have a date or something, then she wouldn’t fly.

It all comes as a total surprise, later she might come to me and say that she wants to get a chainsaw license or something. I’ve already spoken to her and she said that she certainly wouldn’t change her personality. So now I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to do?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

lilolememe −  I’d be having discussions about what happens after the baby is born. What are her expectations? What are yours?

Even_Budget2078 −  There’s two separate things going on here. First, her behavior. Please ask her to go with you to speak to the doctor. Be very open to the goal of allowing her to continue to be who she is *while* being safe during the pregnancy. Is flying dangerous for a 4 month pregnant lady?

I don’t think so, though that’s why you should have a professional give you a dispassionate view. If you can do this as a team, in the sense that you have the shared goal of her not feeling like she’s being treated like a china doll and is able to continue to be her adventurous self, but is doing so safely (so maybe not bungee jumping, but again maybe! Ask the doctor), I think that is the best approach.

The bigger issue appears to be one of communication and that you guys don’t seem to be living a joint life. She does what she wants and tells you about it after deciding. This is not a pregnancy issue, it’s a relationship issue. What do you want? Do you want to have more of a say? Do you want you guys to operate more like a couple and less her flying off wherever on whatever new adventure? Have that conversation.

National_Square_3279 −  Hey OP! I was in your fiancée’s position – my IUD failed when I was 24, gave birth at 25. We were both financially stable, in love, etc and decided to keep the baby and EVEN THOUGH we were both very excited and wanted this baby, it was very hard mentally to just accept the fact that from now on, any time anyone meets me I am going to be “a mom” first, and me second. My days of autonomy and individuality were behind me.

I had a bit of a forced comedown from everything as I found out I was pregnant in Feb 2020, a month before the world shut down, but I was always finding cheap flights to Europe, hiking on the west coast in a pink dinosaur onesie, thought I was going to get my sky diving license, etc. Not quite as extreme as your fiance, but there was this deep desire for freedom and individuality there, and sometimes I feel like I’ve lost it.

I would sit with your fiance and ask her what she’s most excited about pregnancy/motherhood and what scares her most. Tell her the concerns you have during pregnancy, how right now this small creature is fully dependent on her. She is their first home.

But in a few short months, you’ll be able to help out a bit more and she can slowly regain that sense of autonomy, and that you want to help her make sure she’s axle to access that side of herself well into motherhood.

Maybe talk about some ways you can do that, like bottles instead of breastfeeding, you joining her with the baby on some adventures, etc. Make sure she knows that things will change, and you’re both going to have to make sacrifices esp in the beginning, but she’s always going to be herself!

marjolkaaa92 −  Is she or is there a chance she’s bipolar?

Livid-Finger719 −  She’s four unplanned months pregnant and wants to go bungee jumping? I don’t think she wants this kid bro. You’re not even supposed to go on a trampoline pregnant, bungee jumping is just a common sense thing *not to do while pregnant*.

I think yall need to have a serious convo. And if she expects to do this after birth, she can’t just up and take a 4 month old on dangerous activities or paragliding or get a chainsaw license or some s**t.

Freakazoid_Online −  Sounds like she doesn’t want to lose her adventurous lifestyle which is a normal fear when having children, especially since this pregnancy was unexpected she’s probably worried that she won’t be able to do the same things after birth. I’d try and be supportive, maybe go on some hikes with her and still make the effort to do some fun activities, if she’s not far along a few activities won’t hurt. Maybe even suggest plans for after the baby is born.

febrezebaby −  Wow, sounds like she can’t wait to have a kid! /s Just because she’s not having an a**rtion doesn’t mean she needs to keep it. And it sounds like she doesn’t want to. Poor woman.

Champion_Flight −  Reality check time. Your fiancée is living in a fantasy where pregnancy doesn’t change anything. But biology doesn’t care about her wishes. Every risky activity she takes on could permanently affect your child’s future.

The universe handed you both a massive responsibility, and tbh, only one of you seems to grasp that fact. Your partner needs to understand that motherhood isn’t a part time gig she can opt out of whenever the adventure bug bites. This isn’t about personality.

It’s about basic safety and common sense. A chainsaw license? Bungee jumping? While carrying your child? ABSOLUTELY NOT. The clock is ticking, and you need to put your foot down.

Tomorrow morning, you’re calling her OB-GYN and scheduling an emergency consultation. Your child’s safety isn’t up for negotiation. She can be spontaneous and adventurous without risking your baby’s life. That’s what actual grown-ups do.

ScreamingSicada −  4 months preggo and suddenly wants to go bungee jumping? Sounds like a**rtion isn’t as far off the table as you thought.

atbftivnbfi −  There’s nothing for you to do! She is the same person she was before pregnancy. Presumably she is receiving prenatal care from an obstetrician or midwife; they can advise her on whether/when her activities may need to change.

Pregnancy can bring out a lot of concerns and conflicting emotions, especially when one partner’s behavior feels risky. How would you handle this situation? Should the man try to change his fiancée’s spontaneous nature, or is it something he needs to accept? Share your thoughts below!