My (34M) bf is upset with me (32F) because I didn’t make his plate and serve it to him during Christmas

A woman (32F) finds herself in a tense situation with her boyfriend (34M) after a Christmas holiday with her family. Her boyfriend is upset that she didn’t serve him a plate during meals, didn’t give him enough attention, and chose to relax with her sister instead of going sledding. After the trip, he withdrew emotionally, snapped at her, and disappeared for hours. Now, she’s unsure how to address the issue, especially as their 5-year anniversary approaches. Read her story below.

‘ My (34M) bf is upset with me (32F) because I didn’t make his plate and serve it to him during Christmas’

Where do I go from here? Our 5 year anniversary is a couple weeks from now and we have a 2 year old. I didn’t know anything was wrong until we started the 5 hr drive home after spending the holidays with my family. He was quiet pretty much the whole way and snapped at me when I asked why he was following too close behind a vehicle, and also driving fast.

As soon as we get home he leaves without a word for a couple hours, gets back and says he went to the mall to buy a couple more gifts and some shoes for himself. I’m annoyed because I have been telling him for weeks to pick out shoes and I will buy them for his upcoming birthday* he’s really hard to shop for and picky about his clothes.

So I asked him why he bought himself shoes when I wanted to buy him some as a gift. He says in rude tone ” send me 100 then because that’s how much they were ” I finally ask him what his problem was and he was upset that I didn’t make him a plate. I spent over 4 hours cooking for my whole family, also cooked for xmas eve the day before. I was tired. The holidays are exhausting.

I couldn’t believe he was upset about that, he seemed annoyed on boxing day because we ordered pizza and I made a plate for my stepfather who uses a cane, I told him to make himself a plate and he just sat there.

He also said I barely looked at him during our visit and if I did, I didn’t smile or look at him lovingly. Like I said I was tired, my 2 year old was also extra c**ngy so I felt overstimulated and just tried to be present with my family.

Lastly he was mad because I didn’t go sledding with him and my family, I stayed back with my sister and baby niece and we watched a rom com. I wanted to relax and have some me time, and he was upset about that, saying I just wanted to go on my phone, which I did, I got to watch tiktoks and just scroll for a bit.

Any way, after we got home and had this conversation, I left upset and went to have dinner by myself while he took our child for a walk, as soon as I got home he left again and didn’t come back for 4 hours. We have barely spoken and I don’t want to be the one to sit down and start this conversation, to coddle him and make him feel better. I’m so sick of this, where do I go from here?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

ChickenScratchCoffee −  Why are you allowing this toxic relationship to continue? He’s a grown adult, he can get his own plate.

LadyKlepsydra −  Sounds like you are a servant to him, not a partner. Considering his age, this most likely comes from deeply rooted misogyny and won’t change. Watch out for isolation attempts.

The way he didn’t like you taking some “me time” with YOUR family, but wanted you to be with him and HIS family instead, doesn’t bode well. Do not prioritize his family over yours, is my advice. You don’t want to end up isolated from your closest people with a controlling, sexist man, and it seems like you may end up exactly there.

itssomeone4sure −  Your bf is a child. Unless he’s missing his arms he can surely get his own plate. He’s petulent and has some really weird ideas about gender roles. Does he track how often you smile at him and look at him lovingly and how much time you do it each time. Holy s**t.

Jen5872 −  Is he always such a man-child? Are his legs broken so that he couldn’t fix himself a plate?  Does he always feel the need to be the center of your universe? Marriage counseling seems to your best bet.

Pers14 −  Does he have hands? Then, the fragile little dainty dear can make his own plate. My mom used to do this stuff for my dad …in the 70s. Then, she stopped because he was being s**tty about it. Guess what? He didn’t die from starvation. He was able to get his own plate.

babamum −  Is he watching those redpill videos about trad wives? If this is out of character, he might be going down a toxic masculinity rabbit hole.

Remarkable-Ad3665 −  And what did he do to contribute to Xmas? Where is his joy that he’s sharing with you? Did he thank you for working so hard on the food? And why couldn’t he communicate any of this lovingly and respectfully?

Traditional-Ad2319 −  Good God what kind of a man baby are you with? You didn’t make him a plate and he feels the need to pout for like days? Wow. I really don’t know how you can put up with somebody like that I don’t understand. He sounds insufferable.

ScaryButterscotch474 −  Where do you go from here? You just wrote a whole post about your partner emotionally abusing you with his ridiculousness. It doesn’t get better than this. Like this will literally be your life if you stay with him. Actually it will probably get worse. Are you sticking around for that?

T3xt2t3xtm3 −  He’s not Julius Caesar. He wants to control you like this is the 1900’s and it’s not cute. Your first love doesn’t have to be your last one. You can do better. And a two year old does not mean you two have to stay together..

Edit: He doesn’t even want counseling. If he doesn’t wanna fix the problem then he’s not a great communicator if he’s not a great communicator then he’s not ready to be a relation.

What do you think? Should partners serve each other plates as a sign of love, or is the boyfriend’s reaction an overstep? How should she handle his emotional withdrawal? Share your advice below!