My 37 F wife sent me 42 M this text message. What should I do with it

A man (42M) received an emotional text from his wife (37F), with whom he shares a long, troubled relationship. They live together but are effectively separated. After spending New Year’s Eve with someone she met online, she texted him expressing disappointment that she was wishing for him the entire time.

The message wasn’t a plea for reconciliation but a heartfelt expression of regret. Now, he’s unsure how to respond, especially since their children are aware of the relationship issues. Read the full story below.

‘ My 37 F wife sent me 42 M this text message. What should I do with it’

My separated? Wife sent me this text message. We have been together for 12 years and married for 6. Our relationship has been a mess for a few years. Several cases of emotional cheating honestly by both of us over the years. Currently we live in the same house but don’t talk, share a bed, or have any real relationship.

She loves to silent treatment me when we fight, and I do it right back. Basically a war of who can ignore the other one the longest. You could say we are essentially separated but living in the same house.

I knew she was on dating websites and talking to other men. I wasn’t ok with it, but wasn’t going to beg for her attention.. Then this happened. She lied about where she was going on new years, and my step daughter sent me the referenced Snapchat story. Step daughter was Angry! Honestly, the worst part is that my kids know.

Here is the text message: I spent new years with someone new, and you obviously seen that snap story that was meant for only Barbara. I don’t know what this message will make you feel like but I wanted to share my feelings, Just from my perspective.

I went to spend new years with the guy I met from online, it was great, he was nice and polite and never over stepped my boundaries. The entire time, every conversation, every question, every eye to eye glance I was wishing it was you, I was wishing our glances, and conversation were good again.

Wishing you would tell me goodnight stories and have pillow talk and pick my brain, and let me pick yours. 11/ 12 however many years ago it’s been I would’ve never thought we would’ve crashed and burned and hurt so badly.

It’s so disappointing to see and feel everything we’ve been since I started my new position , That was my personal hardest, and the toughest part of us for me. I’m not asking for second chances, for anything else just really disappointed it wasn’t you. I am about to go home, I got this message while golfing with my son. I don’t know what to even say to this message. What do y’all think?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

WritPositWrit −  This is what happens when both people are stubborn, give silent treatment, and refuse to communicate. This is the inevitable conclusion to that. For whatever reason, you are both afraid to open up and be vulnerable.

If you can’t get past that, you’ll never have a healthy relationship. Let go of the idea of a relationship as competition. Stop trying to have the upper hand & ”win.” A relationship is a team. Your wife is telling you she wants to try again. If you’re willing, then go talk to her. If you’re completely over it, then finalize this separation, plan for divorce , tell everyone youre over, and move on.

octbluebelle −  She is metaphorically “looking over her shoulder” emotionally as she is leaving. She wants you to call her back and try again If you can both stop trying to “out do the other”, if you can both put the other first— I would try to save it. But BOTH of you have to put the other first. Successful Relationships can’t have winners and losers

PhotoGuy342 −  What does ‘GM’ stand for?

Murky_Anxiety4884 −  What was she thinking when she sent that Snap story to her daughter?

BarkingLoudly −  Would she have sent this if your step-daughter didn’t see the snapstory?

karenskygreen −  Breaking up is a life event, a decision like this is never %100 perfect so there is bound to be regrets. This may be momentary regrets. So I think you need to take this in context or have more conversation.

If there is something there then I would take this to a marriage counselor (you may have already done that in the past). And of course what do you want ? Sounds like you are hoping this means something.

vbwullf −  I don’t know why y’all have been on the rocks as you didn’t say in your initial post. From what I read, it sounds like you don’t even know what brought about the distance. The question is what do you want? Do you want to fix the relationship or let it die? In my opinion if you wanted it to die one or both of you would have walked away.

So her telling you that she went on a date with another guy and the whole time she was with this guy she was thinking of you and wishing it was you…. She has effectively put the ball in your court to see what you do with it or where you want the relationship to go.

When you consider what to do about the message think about this. What do you want out of this relationship that you are staying in the same house for so long. What caused the breakdown and are you both willing to put 100% in to salvage the relationship. (Notice the word “try” was left out.

My ex and I were doing the same thing and said we would try to salvage our relationship, but neither of us tried very hard. She had moved on emotionally, mentally and physically while I was hurt by her betrayal.) If you are wondering what I did, I wasn’t there enough, as I was military and gone for 6 months out of the year.

You both have to be fully committed to doing this for this to work. I am remarried now, I no longer deploy. But I give my wife my everything and she does the same with me. Like any couple we argue and fight. Sometimes we take a few days before we make up but neither of us can see ourselves living without the other.

CattlePerfect2219 −  She cheated. Whats the question?

asgardian_superman −  Just f**king divorce and move on. Holy f**k I can’t even fathom the level of stupidity of what I’m reading. Have some goddam self respect.

NoeTellusom −  Please get a divorce. This is absolutely awful.

Would you take this message as a sign of regret and try to repair the relationship, or would you take it as closure and move on? What’s the best way to handle a broken relationship when kids are involved? Share your thoughts below!