AITAH to leave my husband because of my step daughter?

A woman seeks advice as she struggles with her marriage after her husband discovers he has a 12-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. With her baby due soon, she feels increasingly sidelined by her husband’s efforts to connect with his daughter, who openly resents her. Is she wrong for considering leaving her husband and moving in with her parents? Read the full story below…

‘ AITAH to leave my husband because of my step daughter?’

I’m 32 (F) and met Jake (41, M) 10 years ago at a NYE party. My coworker invited me, and Jake was friends with her husband. He was insanely handsome, so I made the first move. He was nice but didn’t seem all that interested. Later, I asked my coworker to set us up, but Jake said no because he thought I was too young for him.

I didn’t give up and ended up texting him directly, convincing him to go on a dinner date with me. He finally agreed, and we hit it off—he was super respectful, and we had a lot in common. A year later, we moved in together. After I graduated from university, he helped me get my first job, and we started traveling and even bought our own place.

Being with Jake felt like a dream. He always put me first, made me feel special, was so thoughtful, and helped out a lot around the house. When I told him I was pregnant and said I’d terminate if he wasn’t ready, he pulled out a ring he’d already bought and proposed on the spot. He said he wanted to be with me forever.

Everything was amazing…until Jake got an email from his ex out of the blue. Turns out, he has a 12-year-old daughter he didn’t know about. His ex never told him she was pregnant and moved away to be closer to her family. Now, she’s getting married, but her fiancé doesn’t get along with Jake’s daughter, so she wanted her to come live with us.

Jake went to pick her up from the airport, and we ended up giving her the baby’s room. The nursery I was decorating … I said it was fine, the baby could stay in our room for now. When I showed her the room, she looked at me and said, “Great. A crying baby soon, huh? Don’t expect me to babysit, FYI.” I just told her, “Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning to.”

She hates me. Anytime I try to talk to her, she either ignores me or tells me not to. So, I’ve stopped trying. Jake has been bending over backward to connect with her, taking her shopping or to games, but she doesn’t want to hear anything about the baby. If she catches me showing Jake an ultrasound picture, she gets upset.

Jake even asked me not to bring up baby stuff around her. If I try to join them on their outings, she gets mad again. Jake keeps telling me to be patient and that she’s adjusting, but I’m starting to feel like an outsider. Jake is no longer affectionate to me .. maybe he is exhausted or doesn’t wanna upset her.. either way, I don’t even get a hug or a simple kiss anymore..

The baby’s due soon, and honestly, I’m terrified. It feels like my baby won’t even be allowed to cry because she might get upset. On Christmas, I got her AirPods, and when she opened them, she said nothing. At least she said “thanks” for the watch Jake gave her.

Would I be the a**hole if I left Jake and stayed with my parents? I love him so much, and I get that he’s in a tough spot, but I feel so unloved. I’m scared it’s going to get worse once the baby is here.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

lyonsroar89 −  Okay I’m going NTA—if you sit down and talk to him. You all need to be in individual and family therapy. That’s something that needs to be non-negotiable. That kiddo sounds like a b**t but she has very valid reason.

It’s a HUGE deal that her mom just dumped her on a parent she never knew and that she also has a sibling coming with the parent she just met. Throw in the age she’s at and that’s a recipe for so many issues. Your feelings are really valid, but you need to at least do certain things before divorce.

Talk to Jake. Go to therapy, establish boundaries and also what you need to have happen with this baby. You also are a prime candidate for post partum depression because of this much stress, hun. Take care of yourself.

Slow-Attitude3384 −  NTA. This is just a terrible situation. Jake’s Daughter was literally just kicked out of her home and told to go live with strangers. So I feel for her, but that doesn’t mean that Jake should be throwing you and your child under the bus either.

A week at your folks might be the answer, to reset the situation. I’d approach it as a vacation or a break to let the new kid settle down. I’m assuming you’ve communicated how you are feeling, I’d also make sure that family counseling involved. Otherwise, it will just be worse.

The other thing bothering me here, is that no other family (from her mother’s) side, stood up for this girl? She was just kicked out to go live with strangers? Sounds like some court stuff got skipped or maybe was left out.

xnoradrenaline −  I don’t think you’d be the AH at all. You’re pregnant about to have a baby and need support. If he is not going to be there for you then you should go somewhere you’ll get help and feel welcome.

Ill-Novel5199 −  Without a DNA test?

facinationstreet −  How is it even legal to shunt off a 12 yr old with someone who she doesn’t know like a rehomed cat? Has paternity been established? Has no one thought about the 12 yr old? No one thought to contact CPS? Nothing? If this is actually a real post, which I doubt because how could this many adults be this stupid, you have ALL failed the 12 yr old.

Peggy-Wanker −  Fake story to farm karma

WinEquivalent4069 −  Actually going NAH for you and your husband but his ex-wife? She’s a huge TA. 1st) For never telling Jake she was pregnant and hiding his child for years. 2nd) She’s a huge TA for literally dumping her child with strangers. You need to talk to your husband and make it clear you will not raise your child in a hostile home so she needs to straighten up or you’re leaving.

blackgunner12 −  Question: Did you both agree to let her move in?

Individual_Cloud7656 −  Another long lost kid Story. So the mother raises her daughter for 12 years but she meets a guy who doesn’t want her daughter around so she becomes a s**iopath and gives up her daughter. This story sounds like total b**lshit

AnakinsCharredDick −  YTAI. The fake name is always f**king Jake

This is a complex situation with no easy answers. How would you handle feeling left out in such a challenging family dynamic? Should she stay and try to work things out, or prioritize her well-being and her baby’s? Share your advice or similar experiences in the comments!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/ZEWOx