My mom (F55) won’t accept that I’m cutting her off (F20)

A 20-year-old woman is struggling with her mother’s emotional manipulation and lack of respect for boundaries. Her mother frequently demands attention, threatens self-harm when upset, and has been verbally abusive. Despite cutting off contact temporarily and expressing her need for space, her mother continues to call and text non-stop, refusing to accept the boundaries set by her daughter. Read the full story below.

‘ My mom (F55) won’t accept that I’m cutting her off (F20)?’

I made a post about my mom on here before, basically saying that she doesn’t respect my boundaries and demands to FaceTime me whenever she wants throughout the day. She yells and screams and threatens to hurt herself whenever she is upset at me for not sending her pictures of me and my friends or when she asks to see my outfit, even then I used to call her once everyday because I promised I would.

I am 20 years old and moved out two and a half years ago and have been living alone since. Last time her and I spoke on the phone she was two weeks ago, she cussing at me for an hour straight, threatening to hurt herself.

She got my best friend’s mom involved and she blames me for my mom trying to hurt herself and tells me that asking for space from her is wrong. My mom herself said she doesn’t want to speak to me after that so we went two weeks without talking.

When she tried to contact me again three days ago, I was with my father (my parents are divorced) who knows about the issue and told me it would be best if stick to my boundaries and remind her that I do not want a relationship with her through a text since she was calling and texting nonstop. I literally mean nonstop, she calls me 20 times in a row whenever I don’t respond, and that is normal for her even when we aren’t fighting.

Anyway, now my mom is telling me that I have no right to temporarily cut off our relationship as I mentioned I would in the text, and even three days later, she’s still calling and texting nonstop. I’m just so incredibly stressed out and have run out of the patience to put up with her any longer.

TL;DR : my mom says I have no right to temporarily cut off out relationship even after she has verbally abused me over the phone regularly when she isn’t happy with me. She keeps texting and calling nonstop.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

WerhmatsWormhat −  Block her number and all other forms of communication.

hahayeahimfinehaha −  Cutting someone off does not require their permission. Block your mom or set her to ignore so that you’re not receiving her calls her texts. If your best friend’s mom pesters you, tell her something like, “This is a personal matter and I don’t want to discuss this further with you. Thank you for respecting my boundaries.”

If she keeps trying to talk to you about it, tell her, “I’ve already expressed that I don’t want to discuss this. If you keep doing it, I will have to [consequence such as ending the call, leaving, etc.]. Then follow through on your consequences if it goes on. Don’t engage in any way and live your life.

sissyjones −  You need to block her in every shape and form along with any of her flying minions. She clearly not all there and there is nothing you really can do about that. While she is your mother, she is also your abuser. Remember that.

Iggys1984 −  No one is entitled to your time and attention. This includes your parents. She is a**sive. Block her phone number and block her on all platforms. The only way to enforce your boundary at this point is to have no contact. Block anyone else that does not respect your boundaries. Please seek therapy. You need to work through the hurt your mother has caused.

rrr_zzz −  You need to block her, this means on everything. Your phone, emails and social media. She has shown you that she will cross every boundary you set. She has been using you for her narcissistic feed to make herself feel better about herself while she tears you down.

Do NOT send her a text explaining why, you already know she is going to use that message to continue her abuse. You also need to block your friends mom as she has shown she in enableing your moms abuse. Good luck OP, I’ve been no contact for about 6 years now, best decision I ever made.

Elfich47 −  Block her phone, block her socials, block anyone who tries to carry her messages.

Magic-Serpent −  You are an adult, you have every right to determine who you have a relationship with, family or not. You don’t owe her ANYTHING, and don’t let her make you think you do. She did what any parent is required to do because her and your dad made the choice to have a baby.

Putting a roof over your head, buying you clothes, keeping you fed are the basic bare minimum requirements of something who has a child. You didn’t ask to be here, so you get to decide what you do with your life. And I hope you have a good one, with much less drama without her in it.

pompeytess −  Babygirl your mum is an abuser. I highly recommend that you research into narcissistic parent behaviour because I’m betting your mum has displayed some of these. Then get yourself to a therapist who specialises in childhood trauma because this kind of behaviour is a) not normal, and b) did not happen overnight and I’d lay money that you’ve been having your boundaries trampled by her your whole life.

These comments are going to hit you like a tonne of bricks and that’s understandable. Take some time to sit with these feelings, do some self-care and be gentle with yourself while you do.

CuriousPenguinSocks −  I know this is hard but block her number. Her emotional b**ckmail will NEVER stop till you cave and live in misery to her abuse. Block all her flying monkey’s too. No arguing, just blocking. If you can’t block her number then when she threatens suicide, call the police and report it EVERY SINGLE TIME. She will stop because that will ruin her life.

To be honest, it won’t stop till you block her. Even then, she will ramp up, use flying monkey’s and it will get bad but that should just solidify that you are doing the right thing. You can send one final text message “do not contact me, do not show up at my house or my work”. Then if she does, call the police and have her trespassed.

Do NOT open the door and do NOT engage. Don’t tell the police she is your mom till they are there and if they are like “she’s your mom” just keep repeating, “she is a**sive and I want her to not contact me or come to my house, please give me the police report.” Report it every time, when you have enough, get a protection order. It can end but it’s hell going through it, worth it in the end.

If she does commit suicide, it won’t be your fault no matter what anyone says. You aren’t forcing her, she is making that choice. It’s not because you won’t talk to her, it’s because she won’t give up her abuse of you.

If you can afford it, therapy might be the way for you. However, make sure they are informed on things like narcissistic abuse, enmeshment with a parent, emotional i**est. Otherwise, you can get stuck with someone who thinks it’s okay for mom’s to abuse kids and you should just love her enough for her not to want to abuse you. Those people s**k by the way.

MarzipanJoy-Joy −  She doesn’t have to accept it. Block and move on. 

Setting boundaries with family can be incredibly difficult, especially when emotions are involved. Have you ever been in a situation where someone refused to respect your boundaries? How did you handle it? Share your thoughts below!