My (F25) fiancés (M30) family trying to exclude me from plans around our wedding.

A 25-year-old woman shares that her fiancé’s family plans to arrive early for their wedding, but they intend to spend time exclusively with him, leaving her out of their planned activities. This is causing her to feel excluded and unimportant, especially since she hasn’t even met his mother yet. She’s unsure if she’s overreacting or how to address her fiancé about the situation without causing conflict. Read the full story below.

‘ My (F25) fiancés (M30) family trying to exclude me from plans around our wedding.’

My (25F) fiances (M30) family trying to exclude me from plans around our wedding

TLDR: So me and my fiance are getting married this summer, his family live abroad so they don’t see each other often, they want to come over earlier for the wedding to spend time with JUST him, I’m offended that they want to exclude me from plans when this event is about me and my fiance.

So as the TLDR says I’m upset that basically the week before our wedding I’m going to be excluded from plans and made to not feel welcome by my finances family when they are coming to our wedding that we are paying for, we aren’t getting help from anybody.

Then they want to treat me like I’m a nobody and I’m not allowed on their planned day trips before the wedding, I’m really upset at my fiance but I don’t want to start a fight, he said to me that “he’s sure I might be able to come to some stuff” so he sounds completely ok with this.

I don’t know if I’m over reacting or what I should say to my fiance with allowing this. Because clearly I’m not a member of family even if we are getting married in their eyes. And I’ve never even met his mum before, you’d think they’d want to get to know me before the actual wedding.

I get if they want to spend time together with just him but why can’t they make that a separate trip? Rather than making me feel left out around our wedding. The length of our relationship is 5 years

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

mangoserpent −  Perhaps you should reconsider marrying this person?

ZonkotheSane −  Look at this behavior as what to expect going forward with his family. Do you really want that type of dynamic?

ravenlit −  Sometimes fights and arguments are worth having. If this is important to you why don’t you want to say more to your fiancé? NOW is the time to have this fight and figure out what to do because how this plays out is how you can expect it to play out after you’re married and you should know how that looks before you get married.

RedRedMere −  This is a fiancée problem. He should be just as aghast at the suggestion you stay home while he and his family gallivant and have insisted you accompany him WITHOUT YOU EVER EVEN KNOWING. Anything less is unacceptable behaviour.. Feel free to show him my comment.

Cueller −  You need to give us some more to work with. What’s his cultural background? How much of his family is in you country? I’m Asian, and the week before the wedding is generally 100% side specific and usually only involves your side of the family.​

Before the immediate wedding, in my family, it would be odd for the fiance to attend a bunch of activities. In fact for the fiance to attend may be considered rude and controlling. While the day after the wedding or if you are a random girlfriend attending, no big deal everyone is welcome.

Out of the 20 or so weddings I’ve had in my family that I attended, only mine really involved both sides of the family doing anything together, and that was mainly because we had a destination wedding and planned joint activities for our small wedding attendee list.

Besides those organized event, each side 100% did their own thing even at my wedding. Now that dowsnt mean your fiance or his/her family arent jerks… just this situation requires a little more understanding before people grab the pitchforks.

AclaraTee −  This is terrible. It is also really weird. He needs to put a stop to this splitting and m**ipulative behavior on the part of his family. This is really disrespectful and uncaring towards you. I am sorry. I would rethink the marriage.

onelargeblueicee −  Can you specify your cultural backgrounds?

MollyRolls −  OP, what’s actually being *said* by his family here? You say with conviction that they want to ignore you and treat you like a nobody; your fiancé says he’s “sure” you’ll actually be invited. One of you is obviously pretty wildly off base, so what’s the actual evidence you two are using to arrive at such vastly different conclusions?

majorsandman −  Welcome to your new life!

410Writer −  **You need to call this out**. Tell your fiancé flat out, “I’m not okay with being excluded, especially when it’s leading up to our wedding. If they want to spend time with just you, they can plan that separately. But I’m your partner, and this should be about us, not them treating me like a stranger.” If he can’t stand up to his family and respect you, that’s a huge red flag.

It can be tough when family dynamics leave you feeling excluded, especially during such an important time in your life. Have you ever dealt with similar situations involving in-laws, or have any advice on how to approach a partner about family tensions? Share your thoughts below!