AITA for choosing to go on a trip with my husband instead of spending more time with my parents?

One Redditor, living abroad with their husband, loves to travel but has faced criticism from their parents about not spending enough time with them. Despite balancing visits to Brazil and taking vacations with her husband.

Her decision to go on a trip to Peru instead of using her time off to be with her family over the holidays has sparked tension. She’s questioning whether she’s being selfish for prioritizing travel. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for choosing to go on a trip with my husband instead of spending more time with my parents?’

I (F32) am originally from Brazil and have moved abroad in 2019 with my husband (M35). We live a very comfortable life and have enough extra money to afford few international trips a year. We love to travel and have been making an effort to do it as much as we can before we have kids (which is likely happening soon).

I have tried to see my parents twice a year. I’ll fly back to Brazil once a year and bring my parents to visit us once a year. When my parents come to visit me and my hubby they usually stay around 3 weeks or so. Because I work a corporate job I can’t take all that time off so I’ll usually take a week off when they are here and the weeks I’m working we hang out after 5 and weekends.

When I come to Brazil it’s usually similar, I’ll stay around 2 weeks and will work about 50%-70% of the days I’m here. What has become a problem is the fact that I do use a lot of my vacation days for my trips. We’ve been to one European trip this year in February and one trip to Japan in August.

My parents have made comments here and there that I use all my free time on my vacations, I usually brush it off and try not to get too much in my head about it. Well, my husband and I are currently in Brazil visiting my family, we got here on the 14th and are staying until Christmas Day, leaving on the 26th.

I’m working this first week and will be off starting on the 21st. The problem started when I told my mom that we are flying to Peru before we go back home and will be staying about a week there on vacation. She got upset because I’m choosing to use my time off for this trip vs taking this first week off as well.

Now I’m questioning if I’m being too selfish for choosing to travel as much as I can vs spending more time with them. I feel like we can still spend quality time in the evenings even when I’m working but she doesn’t seem to understand and think that I travel too much and because of that choose not to spend as much time as I can with them.

I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong but honestly I’m starting to question if I should be choosing them more often since we’ve already have two big trips this year. So, am I the a-hole for traveling as much as I do and not spending as much time with my family? I do love my parents and don’t want them to feel like I don’t care.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

lokehbk −  NTA. Get your travel in now before it becomes more expensive/stressful! Honestly there will be new expectations once a baby comes, so this situation with your mom is likely temporary.

It sounds like you’ve allocated about half of your vacation time to your family, which is about the same time we spend with my in-laws. That’s more than fair, especially since you are still seeing them daily. It’s ok to set your boundaries and not be guilt-tripped.

plantprinses −  So what it boils down to is that your parents only believe you love them if you give up vacations and trips with your husband? That’s seriously wrong. Even if you don’t visit your parents, you can show your appreciation and love. You can send them gifts, talk to them over Zoom and send them funny postcards

A visit is not the only way to show you care. What makes your parents want to prove to you that you love them by visiting them more often? Of course they miss you, but hey, parents know that at one point, they will be less of a priority for their children once they have their own lives.

That’s just how it works. Assure your parents that you, of course, love them, but that this is your husband and please don’t make you choose between your husband and your parents.

OCessPool −  NTA. Who did you marry? Not your parents.

lmchatterbox −  NTA. You see your parents plenty and deserve to travel and live your life while you can.

diminishingpatience −  NTA. They need to accept that you’re married and you have a life that’s separate from theirs.

hadMcDofordinner −  NTA You get to do what you want with your vacation days. You see your parents quite a bit so just let it go, your mother has had her say but you don’t need to change anything because she said it. LOL She should be grateful to see as much as she does, tbh.

[Reddit User] −  Jeez…I haven’t seen my youngest daughter in a year, and she and hubby just opted to take a vacation to Vietnam. I miss her fiercely, but she video calls us twice weekly. I’d never hold it against you if I were your mother! If they are, they’re being m**ipulative.

Signal_Wall_8445 −  NTA. You are handling this perfectly right now. You are making sure to see your birth family, while also carving out time for your husband and you to have the separate break you both need just with each other, away from family and job responsibilities

swishcandot −  I think your parents need less information about your traveling. Realistically, who is going to tell them? Keep pics off any social media they have (or just block any family/friends they know), and there you go. NTA 

Tough_Crazy_8362 −  NTA your parents see you a lot imo. Maybe we’re horrible people, we only go to my husbands home country every 5 years :3

Do you think the Redditor is being unfair to her parents by traveling as much as she does, or is it important for her to prioritize her own interests and experiences while still maintaining quality time with family? Share your thoughts on finding balance between personal travel and family expectations below!