My (25m) girlfriend (24f) says I’m controlling

A 25-year-old man has been in a relationship with his 24-year-old girlfriend for almost two years after a breakup due to her infidelity. He doesn’t want her to have any contact with her ex-boyfriend, but she feels that this is unfair, especially since he still communicates with his ex-girlfriend, who he views as a friend.

This disagreement led to a conflict where she threatened to reach out to her ex to prove a point. The man is now unsure if he should apologize and agree to block his ex, feeling conflicted about what’s fair in the relationship. Read the full story below.

‘ My (25m) girlfriend (24f) says I’m controlling’

I love my gf more than anything. We broke up once and it’s the most depressed I’ve ever felt. So I really don’t want to lose her. However, it seems like we are both not willing to bend on an issue surrounding her ex boyfriend. I don’t want my gf having any contact with him. To me that’s reasonable. For context, we broke up a few years ago because she cheated on me with him.

My gf always seemed annoyed and roll her eyes at this request, but she agreed. But the other day she looked through my phone while I was napping. I have no idea why. And she was very pissed because she saw texts with my ex gf in a groupchat. She said it’s unfair the rules are not “equal” , and I shouldn’t get to control who shes allowed to talk to while I do “whatever I want”

I argued it’s not the same. With my high school gf, we were more like friends who decided to lose our virginity to each other. The feelings weren’t deep, we broke up nonchalantly and remained in the same friend group. And, it was so long ago. To me this is a very different situation than her & her ex. But she argued none of that matters because it’s still unfair the rule isn’t the same for both of us.

She said if I can text my ex, she should be allowed too. Because she doesn’t want to be in an “unequal relationship”. I told her if she texts him, I’ll be deeply upset, and it hurts me that she even wants to. She said it’s the principle of it. We went back and forth a little and she finally said If I didn’t block my ex she was unblocking hers.

I refused, she said fine then I’m going to text whoever I want too, you can’t control me anymore. We have not really spoken since then and I’m wondering if I should just apologize and agree to block my ex? It feels stupid blocking an old friend, who I only dated for several months as a teenager.

But I’m feeling a knot in my stomach when I think about my gf texting her ex just to spite me or prove a point; so I’m wondering if this is really the hill to die on? We have been back together almost 2 years btw.

TLDR: several years ago gf cheated on me with her ex bf, now that we’re dating again I don’t want her talking to him, she thinks this is unfair because I haven’t blocked my ex gf from high school.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

pbblankgirl −  She seems really invested in her ex. You should let her date him.

MermaidTailBlanket −  we broke up a few years ago because she cheated on me with him. I wonder why you chose to get back together with her when she rolled her eyes at your request that she cut contact with the person she cheated with, when she should have done this immediately and willingly to even start working on gaining back your trust.

She showed you clearly that she wasn’t geuinely remorseful or interested in changing, and you still took her back. This is what’s giving her the nerve to act and speak to you that way; you’ve shown her that her actions won’t have any serious consequences and that with a bit of half hearted convincing on her part you’ll always be safely there for her with no expectations. Time to prove her wrong.

Edited to add: in case you’re genuinely wondering, she isn’t going to cut off her ex if you go ahead and block your ex. She’s grasping at straws to excuse her behavior and silence you. If you do block your ex, she’ll just do what she did before. Ie, roll her eyes at you, half heartedly agree to keep him blocked (if she ever did block him) while twisting it as her making sacrifices to appease you and then she’ll go back to talking to him and make sure she hides it well.

Poots_in_boots −  You shouldn’t have to beg someone who loves you to block the person they cheated on you with. But if they loved you they wouldn’t have cheated so 🤷🏽‍♀️

StudioRude1036 −  Not wanting a partner to continue having contact with an affair partner is reasonable. Stop making the conversation about him being an ex, and focus on the fact that he is an affair partner.

BeYoue −  Don’t delete or block your friend. I’ve done that. Listening to a jealous person , it got me nowhere. Lost a lot of friends. Lost 2 years on my life with his BS. 1 year with him , 1+ year heavy recovering. This is a big no no. The manipulation as well.. ooff no no no. It’s only gonna get worse if you allow this to happen.

Avocado3527 −  Oh, so the post about wanting to break up with her is because of this issue here? Idk, man. I agree with you, but I would say she is insecure about your ex because she is projecting what she did in the past when she cheated on you. I mean, maybe you guys could just try some couples therapy or to find some common ground? And be clear to her she is the one who cheated in the past. Not you. She has to stop projecting.

12math2 −  So she wants to still communicate with the guy she cheated on you with? Why exactly are you wanting to be in a relationship with this chick that she is so obsessed with her ex? Like break up and move on to other women. I would say you’re the typical Redditor who settles for anything but you got exes so clearly you can get women. Idk why you would pick this chick tbh.

Peachybr0 −  Just break up you both cant accept each others boundaries, why are you both still texting your exes? find someone whose okay with you texting your ex and someone who hasnt cheated on you.

TCH_1971 −  You need to start standing up for yourself. You never cheated on her with your ex. She has cheated on you and now wants to go back for more. You need to d**p her.

Strong-Conclusion-52 −  It’s like she picked this fight with you…so she could freely talk with her ex out in the open.

Relationship boundaries can be difficult to navigate, especially when trust issues are involved. Do you think it’s reasonable for each partner to have different rules about exes, or should they be held to the same standard? Have you ever faced a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!