My fiancé gave me a chocolate bar for Christmas, and I’m struggling with how to feel about it.
A woman (30F) is struggling with feelings of disappointment after her fiancé (39M) gave her a plain chocolate bar for Christmas — his favorite, not hers. After a heartbreaking year that included the loss of their baby, she hoped for a thoughtful gift to acknowledge their journey.
Instead, she feels unseen and underappreciated, especially since she put effort into his gift. When she gently expressed her feelings, he called her selfish and ungrateful. Now she’s wondering if she’s overreacting or if this points to deeper issues in their relationship. Read her story below.
‘ My fiancé gave me a chocolate bar for Christmas, and I’m struggling with how to feel about it.’
Hi everyone, I’m (30F), and I’ve been with my fiancé (39M) for two years. We moved in together in February of this year, and while our relationship has had good moments, it’s also been a really tough year.
For context, we went through something devastating this year: I was five months pregnant and went into early labor, and we lost our son. It’s been a heartbreaking experience, and we’ve both been struggling to navigate life and our relationship since then.
One ongoing issue we’ve always had is how we handle special occasions. I love celebrating birthdays, holidays, and other milestones, and I always put effort into making them special. My fiancé, on the other hand, doesn’t care about these things and doesn’t believe they’re important.
For Christmas this year, we discussed gifts in November. I have two daughters from a previous relationship, and he has three children from his. I asked my girls what they wanted and got their gifts, and for him, I knew he wanted a watch but couldn’t find one he’d like.
Instead, I bought him a Manchester United jersey with “Director” on it, as he recently got a promotion and became a director at his company. I thought it was a thoughtful way to acknowledge his achievement.
On Christmas Eve, at midnight, he handed me my gift: a chocolate bar. For context, it wasn’t even a type of chocolate I like—it was his favorite. I prefer dark chocolate with unique flavors, while this was plain milk chocolate from a brand I rarely eat. I thanked him at the moment but felt really disappointed.
The next day, I brought it up. I explained that the gift felt like an afterthought and that I was hurt he didn’t even try to pick something meaningful. I value thoughtful gestures, even if they’re small. It’s not about the money; it’s about feeling seen and appreciated. He called me selfish and ungrateful for saying anything.
Now I’m questioning if I’m expecting too much or if this is a sign of a deeper issue in our relationship. I’ve been feeling like he’s emotionally checked out for a while now, and this situation has only amplified that feeling.
I don’t know how to move forward. Am I overreacting about the gift? Is this something we can work through, or does it point to bigger problems? I’d really appreciate any advice or perspective.
TL;DR: My fiancé and I had a tough year, including losing our son. For Christmas, I gave him a thoughtful gift, but he gave me a chocolate bar (his favorite, not mine). I told him it felt like an afterthought, and he called me selfish and ungrateful. Am I overreacting, or is this part of a deeper issue in our relationship?
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
jealouscapybara − Based on your previous posts about your relationship, this situation might be your sign to just end it once and for all.
leahballerina96 − You’re not ungrateful, that gift is downright rude and disrespectful. Especially since he’s gotten a promotion, even people who are scraping the bottom of the barrel money wise don’t get their fiancé just a chocolate bar. He knows this holidays important to you: he just does not care.
geek__aesthetic − He doesn’t value you, OP. A single chocolate bar is an EMBARRASSING gift to give a friend, let alone the person you’re planning on marrying. Never mind the fact that it isn’t even a type of chocolate you like. I fully believe he didn’t get you anything at all, then the night before ‘suddenly realised’ and took one of his own stash to give to you.
If you were important to him, he would have tried. Furthermore, he wouldn’t have tried to flip it around on you. You are NOT selfish here, he’s absolutely projecting. If he won’t communicate respectfully on the significance of this, I would seriously be considering a split. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Psychological_Way500 − A chocolate bar is something I’d get for a coworker i didnt work directly with.
ashley5748 − The bar is in hell if this is expecting too much. He sucks.
thefoxandthealien − He doesn’t value you. My friend went through something similar. She and her (now ex) boyfriend were celebrating Christmas. She got him the concert tickets and backstage pass to his favorite band. She even told him that the extra ticket could be used by someone else. He got her discount Claire’s earrings. Her ears aren’t pierced.
yoshi320 − Read your previous posts. This man is not right for you and you need to leave. You staying normalizes this behavior to your daughters. Do you want them to think being treated by their partner like this is okay? I’m sorry, OP, but this man isn’t it. Go find someone who will put in the effort and love you like you deserve. Good luck!
Ok_Perception1131 − He thinks you should be grateful for the gift of…a chocolate bar? LOL
Ladyughsalot1 − I got my mum a chocolate bar for Christmas once. I was 9 and embarrassed I didn’t have something better. This is a cruel and inconsiderate man. Interested in how much labor you’re doing for his 3 kids.
Infamous-Ice-9331 − No, you aren’t overreacting. It sounds like he literally didn’t get you anything and just looked for something he already had that he could pass off as a gift.
How do you handle differences in gift-giving expectations in your relationships? Is it the thought that counts, or does effort matter more? Share your thoughts and advice below — your perspective could help someone feeling unseen during a difficult time.