AITA for being ungrateful about what my parents bought me?

A Redditor (F25) was gifted a new bed by her parents, even though she was perfectly happy with her current one. After initially expressing gratitude, she struggled with the idea of having to accept an expensive gift she didn’t want, especially as it felt wasteful.

When the new bed arrived, she found it uncomfortable and wanted to keep her old one. Her parents are disappointed by her response, and she feels guilty about not being more grateful. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for being ungrateful about what my parents bought me?’

Two days ago my mum messaged me to say that out of nowhere her and my dad bought me a new bed. They decided to get one because my dad spent one night in a bed the same size as mine and decided he didn’t like it and didn’t want me sleeping in a bed like it.

My reply was basically the following… – I really appreciate the gesture and them thinking of me. – I love my current bed—I sleep great in it, struggle to get out of it most mornings and don’t think it needs replacing. – They already do so much for me letting me live with them while I save up for a house.

I felt bad them spending so much money (£500 for the mattress, bedframe, headboard) on something I don’t need. – Save the idea for something else or put it toward something I’ll need when I move out. She basically replied. “You’re getting it, just say thank you.”

Yesterday I woke up and just accepted it. I was told to dismantle my current bed because a new one was arriving. I acted like I was excited for it’s arrival and that I was just being frugal the day before. The bed arrived it looked great but all I could think is “I just want my bed back”.

I slept in it last night, was up 3 times through the night and woke up at 6am. In the other bed I’d go all night long until 8am no problem. When asked how it was I was honest and told them I’d woke up a few times during the night and had been up since 6. They seemed disappointed and just said I’ll get used to it.

Skip to later in the day, I’ve just had a conversation with my mum about what was happening to the old one. When she said it was going to the tip I straight up told her no, because I might want it back. She immediately started being dismissive towards me and I had to basically beg her to have an actual conversation about it.

I shared my thoughts, but she continued to seem disappointed and made me feeI guilty and ungrateful. She said they felt my old one was getting on a bit. I said I couldn’t understand their, quite frankly impulsive decision when I’d never once complained about the bed I had but would rather often say how great I slept in it.

I’d much rather they saved their money and not waste it on something I didn’t need or even ask for. I understand they were trying to do something nice but it feeIs as if they are more focused on doing something nice for me and not my thoughts or feeIings about it. More stuff was said but I’ve told the main stuff. Am I the a**hole for not being grateful for a bed I don’t need?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

bamf1701 −  NTA. A bed and mattress is an extremely personal thing – what one person finds comfortable another person will not. If your parents really wanted to do something kind for you, they would have offered to pay for a new bed (and given you a budget) and then let you choose one for yourself. And they also would have accepted “no” for an answer.

Instead, they bought you a new bed because your father didn’t like the bed you have and don’t give you a choice. This means it is about them, not you. Either they want to feel like they’ve been generous,

or they have control issues, or something similar. Them making you feel ungrateful is a typical tactic of emotional manipulation. They gave you something you didn’t want in the first place – you don’t have to feel grateful.

CandylandCanada −  NTA and yikes. Clearly, this isn’t the first time that you’ve allowed your parents to dominate you in this way. You should have firmly declined it from the outset, not dismantled the old one, and certainly not pretended to anticipate the new one.

You teach people how to treat you; this is a pattern that you’ve established presumably under their insistence. Get the old bed, set it up, put the new one in the hallway then tell your parents that you will make your own furniture choices from now on,

and that they should listen when you speak. FYI, this is not a “gift”, nor is it a “nice gesture”. See it for the assertion of dominance that it is. Adults do not decide for other adults what kind or size of bed is appropriate.

Aggressive-Flan-8011 −  Are quality mattresses really affordable in your area? I did an exchange rate converter and the same amount in USD could not buy a nice mattress AND a frame AND a headboard by me.

Repulsive-Plane9429 −  Info: how old was the old mattress 

Tasty_Rip_4267 −  I thought you were like 13 when I started reading this. Holy s**t dude.

ArrrrghB −  nta, but this kinda sounds like they’re anticipating you moving out soon and wanted a new mattress for guests and/or themselves

Guitarzan206 −  NTA. I’ll leave it at that because anything I have to say wouldn’t be nice and I’m trying to turn over a new leaf.

isogaymer −  NTA. Are you even being ungrateful? As far as I can see you were grateful and expressed it, but unfortunately the new bed has not worked out. That said I think you are ignoring the elephant in the room so to speak,

which is that you feel disempowered by your current situation, and also your parents feel entitled to determine what happens in their home. Unfortunately these kind of low level conflicts are a consequence of so many young people having to stay longer at home to afford a home of their own.

flirtybrando −  NTA. you know their intentions are good but it’s not up to your comfort and sleep is very important. it’s not ungrateful to say you were fine with your old bed, especially when it sounds like they just decided it for you. you tried to be polite and now you’re stuck with a worse situation

Nekodragon21 −  NTA and your parents being weird about it. I still sleep in the same bed I got when I was 8 and I’m now 30! Plus in all that time it’s only had 2 mattresses and that’s just bc the dog dug a hole through the first one. They are just using you to justify their impulsive decision and beating you with guilt bc you aren’t falling into line like they wanted/expected

It’s clear that the parents were acting out of kindness, but it’s understandable that the Redditor might feel conflicted about receiving something she didn’t need. Do you think she was wrong to express her discomfort, or is it reasonable to feel ungrateful in this situation? Share your thoughts below!